I am overwhelmed by the way I have found myself feeling. I didn't go looking for this and am so desperately confused. I have been married for 8 years and have two kids aged 6 and under. I work 4 days a week in a profession and I love my work. My husband has a big job that demands a lot of travel. Our lives can be crazy but we do spend good quality time together. My husband is an amazing man, he is kind, thoughtful, good to me, amazing with the kids, successful. Our marriage has been fine, although we have had our ups and downs since having the kids...mostly petty arguing, and we have had counselling for this. Our sex life is not great. I put this down to me having low sex drive since having kids. If I am totally honest, I don't really fancy him the way I used to. I have a colleague overseas who is the same age as me (thankfully he is a LONG WAY overseas!). He is also married with kids the same age as mine. We have known each other a couple of years but only met a handful of times, and spoken on the phone/attended conferences together. We recently spent a weekend at a conference together (with a lot of other colleagues) and spent a lot of time chatting, in the bar, out in the evening, etc. We have incredible chemistry – we have the same sense of humour, we enjoy the same things. We just have a lot of fun. We have had some very deep talks about life and marriage and kids. I am overwhelmingly attracted to him and he has made his feelings for me very clear. Nothing happened at the conference but after we returned to our offices we chatted on email non-stop for several weeks. He was in the same city as me this week and we ended up at a works drinks event together. People trickled away at about 8pm and we were left. We went for dinner together. We talked all night. After we left we were walking back to his hotel for me to get a cab and we kissed. It was ridiculously romantic and stupid. It was amazing. I can't stop thinking about him. We walked back together and agreed that 'this' can only end one way, and we need to stop, now. I got in a cab. He got his flight a couple of days later. I feel bereft. I feel like I am mourning what might have been. I worry I made huge mistakes in my life and that I am destined to life a "good" family life forever more, but never feel that amazing desire and lust and sexual attraction I don't feel for anyone else but this man.
Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. I want to break down and cry. I feel guilty, but not completely guilty as I feel we did stop when we realised what we were doing. I feel guilty for the desire but I can't control my feelings.