can I ever feel tired or ill just by myself??

[GeorgiaT2468]

Just annoyed and venting.

I'm a mother of two and almost 40 weeks pregnant. Been with DP 4 years- love him to bits. But he's a lazy arse TBH and gets on my nerves.

I'd say he has an easy life, I work full time but of course still a doting mummy at home. I do the usual requirements, housework, washing, ironing, cooking, arranging, getting the children ready, play with them, bath them and everything else a home owner and mother does.

He works full time to buy hardly contributes to anything else unless I ask/tell him to. LAZY!!

If I was to say "Iv got a headache" he will respond "yeah so have I"

If I was to say "I feel a bit sick" he will respond "Iv felt sick all day and threw up this morning"

If I was to say "I'm tired after gutting the house all day, Iv done 4 loads of washing, the food shop, kids have been throwing up all day poorly so Iv looked after them, Iv took kids to doctors, done the school run ect, I might get to bed" he will respond "it's alright for some, Iv been to work all day and I'm tired"

It goes on but you get the picture.

Basically he's always got to feel or be worse than me, his day is always harder than mine, I'm never as tired as him bla bla.

Why??!! Because regardless if I feel crap or not I still do a 12 hour shift at work and a further 6 hour shift at home when I get back, I don't have time to eat sometimes!! Grrrr xx

What would happen if you said "I've got a really awful period, there's big lumps and everything." I'd love to know if he would claim to be rectally bleeding

In all seriousness, you need to sort this. I imagine you were under the impression you'd married a man and not another child? Have you ever managed to have a serious conversation about it without him faking a sudden attack of lazyarsitis?

He sounds tight and lazy. LTB.

Lol Iv said it to him before about oh how ironic it is that you feel so ill just as I do.. Obviously he sensed my sarcasm and responded with- "your not the only one who can be ill you know"

For once I'd like him to say- "are you feeling rough today sweetheart? Don't worry about tea il cook it, grab me the iron and il get that done while you have a long soak"

Not a chance in hell.. See when he's I'll he must go to bed or chill and fall asleep on the sofa.. When I'm ill I must carry on!!

For me it is a must anyway.. I have children to look after, a house to run and a job to keep.. Where is the equal responsibility??

Excuse me venting. I'm venting so I don't have the urge to throw mud at him!! Lol xx

Yeah it's safe to say I think he does depend on me really, I'm quite a control freak, love a clean house, organised and I don't stop til I drop.. But that's the norm to me. I was raised by a single mother who was on a tight budget and bless her she's always been everything in one, mum, dad, gardener, house keeper, maintenance guy, taxi, doctor ect.. I'm used to independence and being raised by a strong woman who just gets on with it regardless!!

I guess I'm following my mum lol but again it's normal to me. If I feel ill the last thing I do is think of bed.. Xx

Why is he getting away with doing nothing?
You both work the same kind of hours??
At the very least stop doing stuff for him, stop washing and ironing for him, stop cleaning up his stuff.
This would give me the absolute rage. I would suggest that this is only get worse if you don't get him to contribute better. The resentment is just going to build and build.

Smartiepants your not the only one who's suggested that.

I wonder what he would do if I stopped doing it all lol he's probably cry if he had to stick a load of washing on.

I may try this to prove a point that I exhaust myself but I do it to care for all those in my house.

I have stopped acknowledging his comments of "oh I'm so ill bla bla"

Like recently both my kids got the chicken pox and although my eldest had to miss school due to policy.. Both kids were fine and running wild as usual, still slept and are normally and didn't complain once. Well then my partner caught it and woke up covered, I couldn't stop laughing at him all spotty and oh my god did he have a tantrum that I laughed.

He was so "ill" couldn't get out of bed, felt hot, sick, dizzy, sweaty and all the rest of it.

It drive me insane and I just ignored it. If my 5 and 2 year old can carry on as normal why cant my 35 year old DP?

Xx

Chicken pox is actually worse in adults and can be dangerous.

But he's still a lazy twunt and you have your work cut out if you want things to change. He's effectively a child.

Yeah I know it is.. But doctor had no concerns at all about him and told him to go to work the next day he was well enough to play his X box though and nip out and grab us a take away..

Yeah he's childish and it does rage me!! Iv told him he needs to grow up and get on with it. He didn't respond to this just looked away xx

I don't understand why you keep putting "lol" to be honest.

What's funny about a man treating you like shit?

Your mother showed you how a woman can fend for herself. Good for her. She didn't show you how a woman can be subversions to a lazy man who doesn't care enough about her to lift a finger.

What a shame you've chosen to have not one but now two kids with him.

Is stop LOLing if I were you and tell him to pull himself together. Have 3 kids love, not 4.

"He didn't respond to this just looked away"

How can you "lol" and say you love him to bits when he shows you such utter disrespect?

You poor woman.

Are you annoyed about the illness competition or the lack of help from him around the house?

You sound like my mum and dad!

Why don't you ask him to do things? give him specific requests eg. I think it would be fair if you do the dishes because I've cooked.
If you say you're ill or struggling and he tries to top it, you could say something along the lines of "okay but it's not a competition, I'd like it if you had some support for me sometimes as I do a hell of a lot as well as work the same hours as you."

I'm definitely not saying what he does is right, it's not at all, but I've always found if people take the piss and you don't say anything/lay down some rules they will continue to take the piss. If he was aware or concerned about the differences in responsibility then you wouldn't be in this situation. Put your foot down and make it clear you're not happy!

I guess Iv had enough of crying and getting mad over it so at this stage in my life if I don't humour myself il just end up falling back into a state of depression again and whilst I'm just about to drop I'm currently not on my medication so I'm trying to keep myself sane for the sake of my mental health.

Sometimes I think things are funny but not in the sense it is actually funny it's more like I laugh to myself because it's quite hard to believe he is such a child.

It's not happened from day one of course it's been more of a recent thing..
Xx

Yeah Bob I could try with that, I haven't approached him like that as I just think to myself- do it!! Why do I even have to ask.. Yes your tired but so am i.. Why should I have to do it all alone.. I suppose he's just become an inconsiderate, lazy arse and I'm starting to feel the pressure now.

Xx

He is a lazy, disrespectful fucker. Why on earth are you with him? Leave him! He's not going to change...

September- annoyed at both really. Annoyed he lets me do it all whilst he's sat there on the sofa doing nothing whilst I'm in between throwing up and doing the house work, or when I bend over and my back or pelvis is agonising (due to pregnancy) and I cry with it he still sits there and says, "not long baby and he will be out" it's not about how long il be pregnant for, it's about the fact you need to help me whilst I am even more so because I'm struggling.
Iv said this and he argues that he goes to work to and he's older than me and isn't full of energy like I am.

I ignore it so I don't kick off because if I continue the argument I get wound up xx

Like I say it's a recent thing spring from no where, or unless I just notice it more now. I do love him, I can't just not love him anymore because of it, I can't help that but I'm now feeling a bit taken the piss out of.. Is he taking advantage that I'm am the way I am and will keep going no matter what life throws at me.

Iv been through a lot like many people have but let's put it this way I'm lucky to be here.. Things in my past have almost written me off but in turn it's made me stronger and I refuse to let things beat me now. So I continue to take control and crack on with life. I don't moan or argue I just do it, I wish he could appreciate me I think that's what I mean, I feel unappreciated and used..

And now I'm upset bla xx

Wouldn't it be easier to kick him out and then you'd have one less children of look after?
Fucking hell his behaviour has driven you to depression why the fuck have you put up with this shit?
On a side note yes I hate competitive illness/drama Queens. I know 2 and my god it's fucking annoying. One is so bad that they had anoticed acne medicine but used to carry around her tablets everywjare in hand. So then people thought she was ill

My depression and break down stems from other things and was there before he was.. But yeah he doesn't help with this behaviour.

I don't know..

I love the man but I'm more confused as to why he's being like this now..

Maybe he's had enough of being with me and that's why he's become an arse hole and inconsiderate.

Xx

You think you're in control but it's a coping mechanism really. All the busying about and keeping on. It's a sort of strength that'll be the end of you. I feel for you. you are pregnant and vulnerable but you could kick him out now and you would have less to do. Will he do anything for the newborn?

I guess in some aspects I don't really give him the room to do much when it comes to the kids, not in a dodgey way more the fact me and the kids have a routine and I know what they are eating all week for meals, I prepare them and cook them, I have my own housework schedule, I feed and bath the kids at particular times ect you know? With regards to the new born I will be breast feeding as did with my other two so he won't be feeding baby, I wouldn't want to express anyway id rather do it myself, little routine with baby as well, change nappy, breast feed, bring up wind, put back down for sleep.. So not much he can do there either?

Xx

tbh you sound lie a total martyr, and blame him for not living up to your expectations.

Chill out a bit and slow down

It does sound like there's no space for him to do anything - why not split things more evenly, especially once the new baby's here?