my mother just asked me not to talk about my job over christmas....

[AnguaVonUberwald]

Now my family are extremly left wing. I am a lefty myself, by any normal standards, and my family consider me right wing, thats how left wing they are.

I started a new job two weeks ago, which deals with immigrants and asylum seekers (won't go into anymore detail as too traceable).

My mother, when I told here I was taking the job said: "I really think you should take it, but I hope you don't mind that I won't admit to my friends what you actually do."

So today we were discussing christmas, and she said: "I don't think you should talk about your new job at christmas."
I said: "Oh, do you think it will upset people"
And she said: "I think they might upset you with what they say"

Now. Firstly she is right. I might well get a load of abuse etc, for what I do. But my problem with this is, this is from my family, and I am a fair minded, reasonable and left wing person. So if these people give me abuse for my job, its through their ignorance, rather than because of me or my job.

Isn't not mentioning it, pandering to them? It also makes me feel like my mum is ashamed of what I do.

To be fair, my mum genuinly doesn't want trouble over christmas as she will be the one smoothing it all over.

Opinions please!

AVU... Read this thread with interest cos I think you may well be in the same line of work as my dh. (Again, I won't say too much.)

I kind of have the opposite problem to you, as quite a lot of our family are of the Daily Mail-reading persuasion (the shame, the shame ), so we get a lot of 'Good on you, send 'em back where they came from' reactions, which don't reflect dh's views at all. I personally tend to what dh refers to as 'bleeding heartism', but even so from talking to him realise that the issues are much more complex that people on the outside realise.

Anyway, I understand why you are bit p-ed off at your mum asking you not to mention your new job. Yes, she could just be happy for you. But given that it's no fun having a conversation with someone who refuses to listen or to even consider changing their preconceptions one iota, I'd be a bit vague on the subject over Christmas. Say you work for the Home Office (if you do... I'm making assumptions here) and move on.

Hope you enjoy your new job anyway. Good luck with it.

If its any help i was banned from my aunty's boxing day party the first year after qualifying as a social worker as she was scared i'd want to take her kids away.

i had to turn up unanounced one day prior to christmas, watch her open the door in a panic and then go round the house telling her she was a great mum and everything looked lovely....she still gets a bit panicy if i go to hers.

Anyway, what i mean is maybe its best to have a nice calm christmas and then have a discussion about immigration afterwards. hopefully you can educate them all a little

Jinglebells. Everyone has such a strong reactions to the subject which makes it difficult. Like you say the issues are very complex and very interesting.

Most people you meet assume this means you are very right wing to work in this area, so you do get to hear a lot of views people normally keep hidden!!

I intend to keep my job very vague I think in most situations in the future - it seems simpler really its just a shame about the family. And thanks for the good wishes.

Santasfattymuma. I will keep quiet over christmas. However, I don't the education thing will ever work. They "know" they are right, its as simple as that and nothing I say is going to change that!!

I'd try to ignore your mother if I were you. You are a grown woman and you have made your choices. You no longer need her approval or sanctions. I wouldn't make a point of going on about it but if it comes up then you can say what you like about it.

Think of it this way -- would you, as a mother, ever dream of advising your grown up dd not to talk about something which is important to her?

I'd be hurt. I think you have every right to be hurt. But if you can, rise above it and be the adult. Ignore her and do what's right for you. If she challenges you, try not to be defensive but rather say neutral stuff which hands the issue back where it belongs - with her. Stuff like, 'I'm sorry you feel that way'. etc.

I'm cross on your behalf. We really need and angry emoticon with a hat.

Good luck to you and congratulations with your new job, whatever it is.

Thank you Spidermama - its a complex one because she is really interested herself, but is ashamed of job. So when I go it she said - "I really think you should take this job, but you don't mind if I don't tell my friends what you actually do, do you?"

She is also right that my dad and brothers will probably get nasty and personal about it, and not listen to what I actually say about it, but just have a go at me!!

So am really torn about the whole thing.

Tell them you are an estate agent. Wait for the fall out..... then say 'only joking, I'm really a

tell them you work for the inland revenue

AVU - go away to a nice hotel for christmas thus avoid the family alltogether, as now you have the job you have hte paypacket aswell congratulations on hte job btw

do u wrk for ias?