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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

heavily pregnant and dh is using internet dating sites!!!! WTF

49 replies

marriedtoashit · 11/12/2006 16:32

Im a reg with a name change for ob reasons.

I am heavily preg, expecting #3 in the New Year. I thought we were happy, in fact I have been living in domestic bliss for many years. Well, bugger me, jsut noticed a dating site on the browser history. Logged on and did a few searches and sure enough, dh is on there ..... looking for female friends.

What am I going to do???
please help

OP posts:

merrylissiemas · 11/12/2006 16:34

holy shit!! has he ever cheated on you in the past??

Original poster

marriedtoashit · 11/12/2006 16:35

no never. i thought he was besotted like me. we were so effing happy

OP posts:

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 11/12/2006 16:35

Phone a friend and have a good chat. Think carefully about your next move.

I would confront him. He will either deny it or admit it. You need to decide how to react to both of these.

You also need to think about your future and what you want. This is why the chat with a friend is so important, someone who knows you well and can help you put things into perspective.

He needs to admit what he has done and make changes - actions not words.

Be careful of people shouting "DUMP HIM!" on here, they don't know either of you. Speak to someone who does. Take a deep breath, stay over somewhere else for the night if it helps, don't see him until you are feeling calmer and more in control.

flutturkey · 11/12/2006 16:36

has he specified what he wants female "friends" for.

Relationship, just for fun or for friendship?

lulumama · 11/12/2006 16:36

he might not have done anything.physical..although the looking is bad enough.......does he know you know yet?

taylormama · 11/12/2006 16:36

sht - you need to tackle him? Have you thought about what you may say - if he is looking for friends rather than an affair is this any* better - i think it is pretty bad behaviour either way ...
If he is looking for sex, then would you stay with him ... really hope someone else has more advice for you ...

Original poster

marriedtoashit · 11/12/2006 16:37

Im crying my eyes out here. I dont know who to talk to. my best freind is somewhere in Africa right now.

OP posts:

lulumama · 11/12/2006 16:37

cliff has it bang on...not a time for knee jerk reactions

wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 11/12/2006 16:37

did you have no reason to suspect anything? why were you checking the history? would never occur to me to check history unless I had reason to suspect something was up. in fact me and dh have our own computers so wouldn't be able to even if I wanted to

flutturkey · 11/12/2006 16:37

in his profile how does he describe his relationship status???

I know far too much about these sites dont I?

Original poster

marriedtoashit · 11/12/2006 16:37

But why dioes he need other woem sex or not? I thought we were best freinds. soul mates

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 11/12/2006 16:38

Tell him you see he wants an open relationship and would he make sure he is out tomorrow because your new lover will be coming round?

taylormama · 11/12/2006 16:38

are you sure it is DH - has he used an alias? Lots of browsers store info from cookies and pop ups which can look like certain sites have been visited - i am not condoning his behaviour in any way at all ... if he has done it then he needs to be kicked into touch

Original poster

marriedtoashit · 11/12/2006 16:39

it's a sigles site. He doesnt mention his wife or 2 children in his profile

OP posts:

ledodgychristmasjumper · 11/12/2006 16:39

Has he put his picture on there? How do you know it's definately him? I only ask because we have all the dating sites in our history too as dp's sister looks at them on our computer.

fiiiivemadmarchhaaaares · 11/12/2006 16:40

Oh bloody hell.

I totally agree with Rhubarb.

flutturkey · 11/12/2006 16:40

Have a look at the site again, see how he describes himself on it, that will than give you a pretty good idea of what his intentions where with using the site.

Personally with me it would make a difference with him just looking for friendship because even when you have a best friend or soul mate you still need other friends around. If it was for sex/affair then that changes everything.

Original poster

marriedtoashit · 11/12/2006 16:40

its def dh. He also has replies in his inbox trash but i cant read them
he was last on last night.

OP posts:

wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 11/12/2006 16:40

Are you absolutely sure it is him? Can you check his emails and see if there is anything else untoward?

Original poster

marriedtoashit · 11/12/2006 16:41

had no reason to suspect, was looking though history to find a site i visited yesterday - this one leapt out at me.

OP posts:

fiiiivemadmarchhaaaares · 11/12/2006 16:42

Sorry, x posted.

When do you see him next? Is he in this evening?

wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 11/12/2006 16:42

I think you need to read them, and print them, because if you confront him then it's possible he will go and delete the evidence and say that there was nothing. I know it's hard, but you need to know everything before you can confront him with what you know and then move forward.

foxinsocks · 11/12/2006 16:42

you'll have to confront him and find out what's going on

can you see how long he's been on there?

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 11/12/2006 16:42

Ok, write down everything you have found out from the site. Phone your friend in Africa or email her.

Writing it down will help put it into some kind of perspective. Think carefully and go back through your history, do you think he has ever cheated? Go through his things if you have to, you need to find out.

Then, surround yourself with your findings and try to come to a calm decision, not about the future, but about the next few days. Do you want him to stay with a friend for a while? Do you want to confront him or not? Work out what is best for you in the next few days then stick with that, no matter what he says or does you have made a decision.

Try to remain in control. You call the shots here, you decide what happens next and what you believe.

MascaraOHara · 11/12/2006 16:42

what site is it and what's his name?

Someone from here could email him and see what happens.. in fact join yourself (under a different name) an a hotmail account and contact him yourself pretending to be someone else..

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