Is this a red flag?

[snowtime]

I am 4 months in to a new relationship after a horrible end to my last relationship which was 18 months ago. I have read living with the dominator as the freedom programme is not available in my area. To be clear I have known new man for a couple of years, we get on well the majority of the time. We're no spring chickens, both in our forties. I have 2 teenage dc who he has met before we were in a relationship. I'd be the first to admit I can be hard work due to issues from previous partner and narcissistic abuse. Don't want to go into too much detail just giving a bit of background. So my issue is today I was very upset. I called new man & could hardly speak through crying. I managed to explain what was wrong & he just said he didn't know what to say. He didn't offer to come over although he's only about 10 minutes away. I didn't ask him to. We were supposed to be seeing each other at some point today but hadn't made firm plans. By 7 tonight I hadn't heard from him again since the phone call this morning so I sent a text asking why. His reply was he had been busy. Am I expecting too much to think he might have been concerned about me or contacted me?

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

If you are on MN questioning who IBU about a 4 month relationship then you two are not well suited to each other. It doesn't matter who was right or wrong. And I think there is a bit of both here.

You haven't even sorted out the fallout from your previous abusive marriage, he can sabotage the sale of the house.

You and new man sound not best suited to each other at this time.

You don't seem to be in the right place for a new relationship yet anyway.

[snowtime]

I'm asking on mn because I don't have a lot of rl support. I appreciate all the responses but I don't think I did anything wrong in phoning him, the crying wasnt intentional I just became overwhelmed & I'm not mortified about it. Yes I am the one with the issues but I have to question that he did not get in touch to see if I was ok or to see whether we were meeting up & left it for me to contact him & then said he was busy. I think you're right & this is not the right time for me & him but even as a friend I would have expected him to call & see if I was ok. I've been through an awful lot & yes i have high standards & expectations because I dont want to go through it again. He's not right for me

[category12]

You're right, imo. It's not like he's a brand new person in your life, you've known each other as friends for a couple of years - and now in a relationship he persuaded you to try, he's not giving you what a friend would offer. So nope, it's not right. Don't settle for less than you need.

[eddielizzard]

you're right that if he were in the least bit concerned for you a simple text was all that was needed. it's shit to disappear when you need him.

i think you aren't able to give each other what you both need at the moment.

[snowtime]

You're right it's not the right time for me and him and I now know I'm not ready for any relationship. I have broken up with him. I have explained why & he is shocked and doesn't think he's done anything wrong. I'm not blaming him for My issues but the fact that he doesn't "get me" when we have been friends throughout the last two years when I have gone through some,awful stuff to me means he never will. Still feeling sad though

[amarmai]

strangers have shown kindness to me many times . Op since you have been friends with this man for more than 2 years and HE was the one who persuaded you to sleep with him, i'd def cut that off now he's shown his true selfish colours. Look after yourself op and try for other support.