First office party since his affair

[Issabella]

Found out my OH cheated on me in September he had been having an affair since July and it started at an office party with a woman who still works there. His Christmas Party from work is tomorrow. He has offered not to go or to go and drive and not drink but my head says this is the wrong thing after all if he has a couple of drinks and goes back to her our marriage isn't worth much. So I have said to go but my anxiety is out of control - have I done the right thing and how can I get a grip on myself I feel back to feeling how I did when I found out he was cheating.

Talk about drip feeding. What a car crash.

So you initially lost control and were violent like that, but are now seeking to "move on" quickly, despite him still seeing her week in week out at work.

Did she actually tell her DH?

An office party in July?

And two months after discovery, with violence and vandalism, you're proposing you should all cope a-ok with another office party?

Crazy.

You put him in hospital and keyed her car?
Fucking hell.

You know that for all the hurt and anger and desire for revenge we all talk about on here that what you did (both things) isn't normal and isn't even slightly justifiable?

You really think you can salvage a marriage after that?

I'd totally put him in hospital (minor injury!) and key her car wouldn't say that's unreasonable! Plus think of many other ways to inflict pain and misery

Christ.

Although I would feel like doing nasty things to them I wouldn't dream of doing it in reality. It is unreasonable and you could have easily been arrested for doing so. Think you were lucky to get away with it really.

You haven't said what your DH has done to make amends for his affair

I'm not a good one for offering advice, so messed up myself, and I'm sure I'm not doing things right.
But I do hope you work things out, and I hope you have a good marriage that can survive this.
I like your attitude. I too have "grudge" but holding back.
Wishing you all the best.

WTAF

You hospitalised your OH and vandalised this woman's car. You're lucky not to have been arrested.

Cannot believe this woman hasn't brought some sort of employment claim either.

Issabella - I understand your reaction and have done similar & worse in my head so many times. But.....he is out of order going to this party - if he must go, he should "show his face" for an hour & leave - or you go with him.

Hope everything works out for you

Some of you are frickin' saints, aren't you?

I'm sure she has an agenda and it involves getting him back. I did not react well when I found out he initially wouldn't tell me her name as he said I would destroy her (I have a reputation for avenging grudges) - I hit him with a Jo Malone candle necessitating a visit to hospital and stitches. I also called her and made her tell her husband who had very little reaction (also very worrying as her marriage can't be that great) then I keyed a very rude word into her car. So she kind of knows I am P*ed but still she stays ......... But I don't want to live my life in fear

You sound like a complete and utter nutter and that comes from someone who's husband had 3 of us on the go at once as well as a secret life involving children.

I hope this thread is a bloody great windup because just how anyone can proudly say 'I have a reputation for avenging grudges' is beyond me. Are you Italian? Do you have Mafia connections? Jesus. It really does just beggar belief.

Anyway, just in case this thread isnt the work of an active imagination I would say to him 'off you go to the party' because keeping someone under lock and key after an affair is a sure sign things are all wrong. You need to let this play out and see where it leads you.

Not that I know much, but in my opinion, I would 'act' all relaxed and carefree, and not banging on asking him about what happened.

Some of you are frickin' saints, aren't you?

Not hospitalising people isn't exactly a high standard.

I understand your anger towards your DH, OP, but you really are lucky not to have been arrested for keying her car, and harassing her. SHE has not made vows to you. SHE has not caused your hurt - HE has!

A few months is not enough to 'get over' his affair or the aftermath and inplications of it, and for him to suggest that you should have is insensitive and dismissive. Why are you so intent on saving this marriage? Is it worth it for you?? Have there been any consequences of his actions for him?

Not that I know much, but in my opinion, I would 'act' all relaxed and carefree, and not banging on asking him about what happened. Have you had this happen to you, Janaus? Even if you have, it is not your marriage. What you 'may' do is irrelevant and quite frankly, rather stupid advice.

Some of you are frickin' saints, aren't you

Well I didn't know I was but I now think I might be!

It is hard for him to miss the party as the business owner.

I don't think there is a case for her to bring re discrimination etc as she hasn't been asked to leave.

I think the Jo Malone candle is a detail too far

Have you had this happen to you, Janaus? Even if you have, it is not your marriage. What you 'may' do is irrelevant and quite frankly, rather stupid advice.

Well surely that goes for every single piece of advice given? "Since its not you in this exact situation your advice is worthless"

I know this feeling. You must be feeling awful atm. I really would question why he isn't telling you he doesn't want to go. Xx

If it is his business he can't not go to the party. He could have made it open to partners though I suppose and OP could have gone. But that may well have ended in tears/jail.

Warm, I don't think not^^ committing assault and criminal damage qualifies me for sainthood.

Yes this has happened to me btw

OP I think you still have a lot of work to do here don't you?

Yy Tapirs

So you're a saint if you refrain from physically attacking a person and their property - thank god my standards are a bit higher than this.

I would ask him to forgo the party and take you out for dinner?