Oh gosh, Jan. No not every one is different. I'm not saying people are robots, I'm saying that there's irrefutable signs about what can and can not be borne psychologically in relationships and by people and yes, your denial and keenness to keep him is one of the predictable stages and patterns.
The day by day is largely irrelevant and extremely easy. I think another poster here wrote about how she could write a brilliant book about betrayal called 'The Tyranny of Cups of Tea' whereby an infidelitous spouse tries to maintain control and silence after an affair by making litres of unwanted 'cups of tea' for the betrayed.
Here's what you need. You need to both attend couples counselling to talk through and explore not just the affair, but the ways in which you relate that has led you to this situation. Particularly your certainty about staying and his ability to cheat and lie and suffer no consequences.
He needs to attend his own counsellor, probably, to talk through how he has come to be like this. This isn't a one off one night stand that he admitted, shocked and saddened. This is someone who has made this part of his personality and I'm afraid the percentage of infidelity that is discovered is just the tip of the iceberg, so with a personality like this, whatever you are pretending didn't happen did happen and probably a lot more.
I know I sound like I'm scaremongering and so that makes it easier to discount me but I swear, I'm all for marriages staying together after affairs. Been there done it, on both sides. I can promise you, this isn't how it works. It works this way if you are honestly prepared to put up with it and accept him doing it again if he stays with you. That's okay. People do. But be honest with yourself about that.
And I don't think you would be here if you were honestly prepared to move forward with a lie agreed upon.
I know you don't want to know the sordid details but the fact he is continue to minimise mean the affair may not even be over, and make it extremely likely he will do something similar in the future.
He needs to open up all his communication to you, no passwords, no secrets. You get to decide whether to check it or not.
It is also a terribly sign that you blame OW for 'getting the wrong idea' when clearly his signals are the initiator of the infidelity, not someone else suddenly being 'driven wild' by his openness and friendliness.
You seem nice, and in need of help, jan. I've liked and appreciated you on other threads. But you are living in a delusion. And you need to really take hold of this, or accept moving forward with humility on your part and deception as standard on his.
Normal is never going to return. You would have to build a new normal. And he needs to understand that is largely his job and his responsibility and step up. Read the literature like 'How to Help your Spouse Heal from an Affair' etc.
I think you need to honestly answer why you don't want him to move out. Honestly.
There is no moving forward here without complete and honest appraisal of the past, the present and what you both want the future to look like. I'm afraid you can't blithely start with the future and go lalala to everything else. Your husband can't say he doesn't want to talk about it. He just can't. That will probe to be unliveable. You will either discover this by becoming grossly unhappy over time or have to act on it now. Up to you.
Sorry for the seriousness of these comment, They come from a warm place. Time will not tell what you need to get your happiness back. Time will reveal to you that you need to do something different and more painful and more brave, as outlined here, well, principally he does, than he has been doing so far. Or else things will fester and become sad or repeat. It is up to you how much time you allow to go past. I am genuinely sorry you are going through this.