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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

feeling so down:(

31 replies

Katieemilyxo · 22/11/2015 23:04

Just don't know what to do I see my boyfriend every weekend with our son he doesn't help with are son at all I do it all by myself he tells me he never wanted him I kept him so he's my responsibly so I never get a break lucky to have such a amazing mum who's always helping me I'm so upset as I love him so much but he doesn't care about are son saids he never wanted him and never will it's so hard being in love with someone who doesn't love or care for there own son makes me so depressed as I'm the only parent doing anything just so lost sometimes he helps If I go on at him but thats only to shut me up I feel so down about the situation just don't know what to do anymore

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 23/11/2015 00:26

I'm sorry you're feeling so low.

How old is your son? Do you live with your mum?

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 23/11/2015 05:38

I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound much like loves you either.

If you only see him at the weekend, you can't live together. I think you will work through this and realise you don't need him.

Costacoffeeplease · 23/11/2015 05:54

I'm not sure how you can love someone who rejects their own child. I think it's time to see him for who he really is, and decide if you need this man child in your life at all

Finallyputtherubbishout · 23/11/2015 07:41

As Costa said! I couldn't love someone who didn't want to acknowledge their/my son. Run run run baby girl...

Isetan · 23/11/2015 07:47

I think you need to let go of the person you want him to be and accept him for the person he is. Single parenthood is hard but it's a heck of a lot harder, trying to involve someone who isn't interested. As much as it hurts you, it will hurt your child more being continually exposed to a parent who isn't interested.

You're a parent now and it's not just about you anymore, your child's emotional wellbeing comes first.

Let him go and contact the current incarnation of the CSA for maintenance.

Original poster
Katieemilyxo · 23/11/2015 12:19

Yes I live with my mum and he's coming up 4 months he saids he loves me just never wanted to be s father and enjoys seeing me but not his son it really hurts me and I cry about it all the time as I can see how much [name removed by MNHQ] loves his dad hell sit on his phone eith his son sat there smiling at him makes me feel so crap

OP posts:
Elendon · 23/11/2015 12:25

At least he is honest. You could ask him to seek help about him not being able to engage with his son. It could be that the shock of parenthood has made him depressed and hence his reaction. I think he needs help, but he has to sort that out. Does he have a significant parent in his life also?

What does your mum think?

Epilepsyhelp · 23/11/2015 12:29

I would say u wouldn't have him around your ds at the moment, his behaviour sounds like it could be emotionally damaging to ds.

Elendon · 23/11/2015 12:32

You should ask MNHQ to remove the name of your son. Just report your latest post.

Original poster
Katieemilyxo · 23/11/2015 13:13

Elendon what do you mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
Katieemilyxo · 23/11/2015 13:14

And no he doesn't have his mum or dad his step dad looks after him

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 23/11/2015 14:16

Your son doesn't love his dad. He's just smiling away the way babies do. He barely knows his dad.

You think you love this man - think long and hard about why you still love a man who speaks to you like that, and doesn't care about his son. That should have killed your love stone dead.

This is such a hard time for you and you're obviously very young. I really think you need to ditch this loser, and concentrate on your son.

How long til your boy has a tantrum as a toddler and his "dad" shouts at him "I never bloody wanted this, didn't want you"?

Because I expect that's what is in your future.

OK, so it was an accidental pregnancy and it's fine that your boyfriend didn't want to go ahead. Many people would choose abortion. He can't FORCE himself to love a child he doesn't want.

But the boy is his responsibility now. You both had an accidental pregnancy - abortion is not a guaranteed outcome, this is the risk he chose to take in having sex.

So the LEAST he should do us behave well towards the child and shut the fuck up having a go at you. Who the fuck does he think he is telling you it's your problem you chose to keep him? He doesn't love you. Why do you think you still love him?

Oh and a little guess he isn't paying maintenance Confused

Ditch the loser.
Enjoy your son.

VulcanWoman · 23/11/2015 14:25

Sorry you are feeling so down.
Try and make the best life you can for you and your son. Before your son is much older he'll see how his father feels about him, he doesn't deserve to witness that or see how this is how to treat a women or child.

bendybrickpumpkinpatch · 23/11/2015 14:31

How old are you both OP ? He doesn't sound very mature at all.

Really think about whether you love him. He wants nothing to do with his son, you don't live together and I can bet you pay for everything. Move on. Don't settle for that and don't make your son settle for it either.

Original poster
Katieemilyxo · 23/11/2015 14:46

Where both 17 so both really young and we've been together for a year and a half and I don't know why I love him anymore I guess I love who he use to be and I'm clinging onto that and when he has the moments where he treats me amazing and pays attention to [name removed by MNHQ] I think it's working but then he tells me he only does what he does to keep me happy as he loves me this whole situation is making me so down as I know if I leave him I'll be in bits and seeing him with anyone else would make me burst

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 23/11/2015 15:41

katie without sounding harsh I have a 15 year old son and the thought of him being in a grown up relationship let alone being a dad would be laughable and he is one of the mature ones in his group. I am sorry you are feeling sad but think you have to accept that he is not ready to be a dad and never was. I read you other thread. It is great that you have support from you mum and just think you need to concentrate on your son for now. Maybe taking up with your studies again again so you will be able to get a good job and support your son in the future

Jan45 · 23/11/2015 16:18

I know you love him but really what's to love, he's rejected his own son, fair enough he is young but nobody is asking him to do much other than spend the weekend with you and the child. See him for what he is, a total selfish immature twat who wont prioritise you or his son - time to wake up and smell the coffee, start living your life and stop hoping he will change, he might but running after him wont help, just leave him to it and get on with being with people that want to be around you and your child, you'll be fine, he does nothing anyway.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 23/11/2015 19:15

He isn't a selfish immature twat. He's 17. Neither of you should be dealing with this, but you are having to.

My son is nearly 17. He's a very mature 17 year old, he's brilliant with children and my babysitter for his 9 year old sister. But is he ready to be a dad? Of course not. The very thought is horrifying.

But sadly, this is always a possible outcome of sex. It's a terribly sad situation for all of you. It's good to hear that your mum is supportive. You will be better off alone.

Different circumstances, but I became a lone parent 6wks before my son's birth. You can do it Flowers

Elendon · 23/11/2015 19:27

Hi Katie, it's good your boyfriend has a significant adult to look after him. Now you, your lovely mum and your gorgeous baby (don't name him in any threads) should take a break from the father.

Try to organise days out together as a couple if you can. Go to a concert? You have two babysitters, your baby's father's stepdad and your mum. Get sometime together as a couple if that's what you both want. Have fun!

You are both young, and because of your youth, this relationship might not last, but at least give yourselves both a break. It's such a huge shock having a baby, they are so demanding of your time and attention, even more so when you are a teenager. Take each day as it comes. And accept all offers of love and support. Flowers

Elendon · 23/11/2015 19:33

And of course, if you do decide to have sex again, please don't forget contraceptives.

Take it easy x

Original poster
Katieemilyxo · 23/11/2015 22:53

Already on the pill and what's wrong with putting your child's names on threads confused?

OP posts:
ciele · 23/11/2015 23:05

You don't want anyone to know who you are...

Original poster
Katieemilyxo · 23/11/2015 23:37

OhhhGrin I'm such a idiot

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 24/11/2015 11:18

jan45 you normally talk sense but calling him an immature twat is a stupid thing to say, He was 15 when OP got pregnant.

Epilepsyhelp · 24/11/2015 13:42

He was fifteen but now he's 17 and a dad. The time for immaturity has passed. Many people manage by choice to become responsible parents at that age - he needs to make the same choice because like it or not, he's a parent.