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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I really don't understand why men do this..

62 replies

bridie69 · 22/11/2015 21:30

DD called me earlier in tears. She was on a train back to where we live and seems a group of pissed up men got on the same carriage and were being totally abusive and unpleasant to everyone, picking on the women in particular.She was really worried and I told her to get the guard. One of them sat beside her and was breathing beer fumes all over her and asking her to "smile darling". Seems a man intervened and asked him to stop and then became the target of the abuse, all of it alcohol fuelled it seems. I just picked her up. She is quite shaken but I am bloody livid. Didn't exactly sound like they were teenagers too not that that would have been an excuse. Who are these scumbags and what makes them such unpleasant misogynists? Just fuming yet feeling so useless now. DD is 21.

OP posts:
RiceCrispieTreats · 22/11/2015 21:42

Aren't you the poster who's also completely over-involved in her adult son's life, too?

Let your grown daughter do her own venting, if she wants. This was her experience, not yours. Stop hogging it as your own.

And get another hobby.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 22/11/2015 21:50

She should have pulled the emergency cord if she felt threatened.

RedMapleLeaf · 22/11/2015 21:56

OP get her to put the British Transport Number, 61016, in her phone. It's what we can use in situations like this and gives you a sense of control and pro-activity. I'd also encourage her to get up and move towards the buffet or first class where train staff will be.

ginmakesitallok · 22/11/2015 21:57

Rice crispies Hmm really?

Original poster
bridie69 · 22/11/2015 22:08

I didn't know about that BTP number will certainly tell her.She was pretty hemmed in by the sound of things as there were a lot of them.

OP posts:
RedMapleLeaf · 22/11/2015 22:10

She was pretty hemmed in by the sound of things as there were a lot of them.

I don't think it's a surprise that she was shaken up by it.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 22/11/2015 22:17

RiceCrispieTreats You are an utter twat. Probably without children. The Op had a 21 year old DD call her in tears about these dick heads and she isn't supposed to care? God there are some absolute fuck wits on here. I'm with you OP. Ignore the idiots on here. xx

ClassicMonkey · 22/11/2015 22:27

RiceCrispieTreats why does that matter at all? Being harrassed by pigs on a train is horrific no matter what. Are you always such an arsehole?

Seeyounearertime · 22/11/2015 22:37

I feel for your DD OP and hope she's okay. I hate drunks and hate what alcohol does to some people. Why people can't enjoy it without turning into fucknuts is beyond me.

Marilynsbigsister · 22/11/2015 22:37

What a ridiculous twattish comment ricecrispies. A parent doesn't magically switch of having any care for their child once they reach 18. If my 21 yr old was in this situation I would be equally concerned, come to that I would be concerned for anyone I know of any age who had to put up with this misogynistic harassment . Thanks for the BTP number, I will distribute to nearest and dearest.

RiceCrispieTreats · 23/11/2015 09:00

Run a search on the OP's threads if you're confused by my first post.

Recently, for example, we've had hand-wringing about her 26 year old son's dating prospects in his new city, as well as blow-by-blow accounts of the development of that dating life. Which is her son's own business and only his own.

Now what I see is that the OP is starting on her daughter, too.

It's unhealthy. Eventually, her adult children will not thank her for her over-anxious, over-involvement either.

This is why I suggest the OP develop a life of her own, instead of trying to live her children's lives for them.

drspouse · 23/11/2015 09:06

And if it was a frIend, work colleague, or partner, also adults, would it be over involved to complain about this behaviour if she'd been told about it? No. It wouldn't. It's awful and anyone hearing about it has a perfect right to vent (and as it turns out, pick up handy tips to pass on).

Much better to vent here than burst into tears on being told about someone else's upset, and therefore cut off that person's outlet.

suzannecaravaggio · 23/11/2015 09:07

Ricecrispie I think you are over involved on the OP's life, you seem over anxious!

Its unhealthy and you need to get a life of your own

FeckTheMagicDragon · 23/11/2015 09:08

Seriously RiceCrispie, you are in danger of sounding like a thundrcunt who thinks it's fine for women to be harressed in public if you don't back off. Bad form to bring up previous unrelated threads, and yes I've read them too.

OP - I'm sorry your daughter was harassed like this. Suggest to her she report it, and advise her to excuse herself and try and find a guard.

suzannecaravaggio · 23/11/2015 09:10

Ricecrispie you are also hogging the thread in a way that points to narcissistic personality disorder

BumbleNova · 23/11/2015 09:35

she can also tweet the British Transport Police or the train company and they can send help. it's more discreet than making a phone call if you are being threatened. Sounds so awful, I hope she is ok.

BuffytheScaryFeministBOO · 23/11/2015 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 23/11/2015 09:40

The only people "hogging the thread" are those responding to Rice without offering advice to OP! Confused

Anyway, Bridie, I agree with those saying suggest your daughter puts the British Transport Police number in her phone so she's prepared if it happens again, and that she shoud report it. That if it happens again to do what she can to move from that situation and find the guard. I know you said she was hemmed in, but what if she urgently needed the loo? Would she have managed to get away from the drunks?

CadleCrap · 23/11/2015 09:43

At the time of my reading this thread there were 16 posts.

2 by the OP

2 by ricecrispie

5 answering the OP

And 7 slagging off ricecrispie to some degree.

so suzanne I don't think ricecrispie is hogging the thread and your personal bitchy comment was uncalled for.

OP, perhaps teaching your daughter some elementary protection skills might help. Sitting in a sensible location, or moving seats or pretending to be on the phone. But you are right, how gives them the right to be such arseholes.

CadleCrap · 23/11/2015 09:45

x-post whataloadofbollocks :)

buymeabook · 23/11/2015 09:49

Yes, some men are like this. They thrive off making people uncomfortable. With women it will be invading their personal space and making innuendos. With men they will be more physically threatening. They are of course twats. Being drunk is no reason or excuse.

KeepOnMoving1 · 23/11/2015 09:52

Op I think at age 21 your dd should have been able to call the guard Instead of you who can't really help. She needs to know what to do in other situations like this if she encounters them.
You do seem a little over involved also going by your other thread I remember.

LyndaNotLinda · 23/11/2015 09:57

I'm sorry this happened to your DD, OP. Some men are misogynist aggressive arseholes unfortunately.

I don't understand why they do it either - they're just cunts basically,

LyndaNotLinda · 23/11/2015 09:57

Oh and I was harassed by a bloke on the tube once. I moved seats and he followed me and assaulted me. So moving seats isn't always the answer.

suzannecaravaggio · 23/11/2015 09:58

Which comment do you mean cradle?

Did you miss my attempt at irony

Why were you cluttering up the thread responding to spurious posts?