I'm married to the nastiest, shittiest dick in all the land...and I want to cast a spell

[FundraisingPTABitch]

So that all the love, effort, comfort, support I've given to this fucker comes back to me 20x more every single day and that I live a long long long time...

So that no one ever loves him again, and he walks this entire world for the next 80 years without feeling the love and comfort I provided him. I also want him to feel every single painful feeling he has caused me. I want him to feel just as lonely as I do in this marriage. I want him to feel every pain I felt during both my pregnancies carrying his children.

I want him to regret every mean thing he has ever said to me. I want him to regret every time he's ignored me. I want him to regret losing the beautiful home and family I gave him.

I want him to get really really fat, with swollen ankles. I want him to get kidney stones the size of watermelons weighing 11lbs and 8lbs respectively.

I want him to have to piss out both stones.

I want him to never have a delicious meal ever again.

I want him to discover the true nature of his fucked up family.

I wish the shittiest gifts of all time for the rest of his life.

I wish every single one of his electronics never work ever.

I wish his wifi connection to be slow, slower than my metabolism.

I wish for the world to remind him of the beautiful 9 years I gave him and of the 9 shitty years he gave me.

Oh come on! MNers can be so minimy sometimes, so John Lewis.

Go with the anger op. Sounds great! Healthy, strong. All those good, no great, things

Then ltb. Read the sunk costs thing first though.

I agree, stick with anger. Anger propels us to what we deserve.

I have a 95 year old friend who talks to me about her dh as if he was the most wonderful,loving man.

They were married for over 60 years and she has long since been a widow.

After hearing so many tales of our wonderful he was I asked her if he was always so wonderful throughout the 60 years they were married?

She said Oh no! The first twenty years were hell!!!

Not sure if this will help you op, but it certainly helped me when my marriage was rocky and I went through a stage of truly hating my dh.

Anger, but also disengagement. Anger will keep you stuck if you let it.

But you have to let anger flow when it's present, really get into it. If you're holding it back or monitoring it - 'now i'm doing anger' - for fear of getting stuck, or whatever, I don't think you get to flush it out properly. It takes courage though - as you've seen on here, most people are afraid of it and its power (power to heal, transform, motivate imo) and will instinctively shut it down.

Imo.

I don't think anyone has said anger is bad Springy. I think we've said impotent rage is bad. The op needs to either let go of the anger or, even better, act on it, or else the rage will eat her up

I just found the writing style very...odd. I dunno. Like the anger was stylised which I found very unnerving

Either way, the op's situation sounds very depressing.

Hope you're ok op