Embarrassing - long distance

[Raspberry17]

I'm so humiliated. I'm long distance with my partner so we occasionally have some Skype fun.

Yesterday when we were in the middle of it I am sure I heard like a female scream and later on again something like moans. Basically I think he wasn't watching me but some other girl masturbating and must have inadvertently turned the sound on for a few seconds. It's not the first time I hear something like this during those moments but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything as I am so scared of arguments. I did mention I heard that without saying what I thought he was doing but he just said I mentioned that before. That's all.

When I heard that distinct female scream (she must have been really into it) I just got so put off I stopped doing anything but he was still into it and I think it's because he wasn't in fact watching me so he didn't notice anything on my end.

I'm not really looking for advice, just needed to vent. I feel so unattractive.

I wasn't calling the op a slut for having cam sex, she called someone else a whore for doing the same thing she was doing. Op made the assumption it was a girl he was paying to perform for him.

How does OP know he was paying the other person ?

Allow me to point out that he must be pretty rubbish at cam sex if the OP suspects he wasn't even looking at her. The best thing about it is commenting on why the other person is hot and what they should do for them etc....like a running commentary. But better.

I mean the comment "you're hardly presenting yourself as wife material" is diabolical.
What is "wife material" exactly?

I wouldn't worry too much about those sorts of gems from ILiveAtTheBeach.

Op said she thought it wasn't a "real girl" but some woman on a porn website or "cam whore" . Usually girls who perform on cam via cam websites are paid.

I don't know whether she was alluding to the fact that it wasn't a "real girl" as in, a girl in the room with him, or that she thinks cam giris aren't real women. I assumed the former.

I also took it to mean she doesn't see herself as a "cam whore" because she wasn't being paid for her services as she's in a relationship with the man in question. As opposed to the other woman who was on cam, who, whether she was being paid or not, is, according to the op a "cam whore". Does that make sense? I fear it might not!

OP is drawing distinctions that are rather artificial, is she not?

If holding a mirror up to her own slut-shaming looks a bit like slut-shaming then fine. She needs to see what's really going on.

"What is "wife material" exactly?"

Oh who knows. And it's hardly a great aim in life. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with Skype sex and it can be a great way to explore some things. However, the issue here is more that this man appears to think it's OK to do this with more than one woman at once. SATC covered this only back then it was phone sex. It's not the Skyping that's the problem, it's the infidelity and the seeming lack of any IRL relationship.

On paper, I'm definetly not "wife material" but try telling that to my Dh who also, on paper, is definitely not "husband material". Maybe that's why we married each other?

I took the "real girl" comment to mean that she wasn't a physical presence in the room or one that he might be meeting up with and so may be less of a threat. Therefore, what he was doing might not be so bad.

I think some posters are being a a bit disingenuous with some of their comments.

And, of course, "cam whore" was an awful thing to say but I bet most women who've found they've been cheated on/feel humiliated have used unpleasant words to refer to the ow in the shock that followed.

And for those asking what the difference between the op and the cam girl is, I assume the cam girl (if that's what she was) didn't believe she was in a relationship. The op thought this was sex with her partner.

If the op is no different in the man's eyes to a camgirl, that has clearly come as a shock to her.

I think it is the OP who is being a bit disingenuous or self-deluding if she is real saying that she believes she has been in a 'relationship' for the past two years TBH.

And, of course, "cam whore" was an awful thing to say but I bet most women who've found they've been cheated on/feel humiliated have used unpleasant words to refer to the ow in the shock that followed.

Is that supposed to be - what - mitigation, excuse?

strawberry I think the op is utterly deluded in thinking this was a relationship on any level beyond what it obviously was, tbh, but the fact is that she did think it was a relationship.

She clearly isn't functioning fully on an emotional level or she'd have realised it herself.

And no, it's not an excuse, but 'whore' was one word typed out in anger by someone who is probably projecting a lot of hurt and anger.

It's right that it's pointed out she was wrong for saying it, but telling her she was no different was a step too far. It's probably true, but she didn't know that.

I suspect the sort of person who'd consider this to be a LDR is someone who's been rather damaged by life along the way.

It's right that it's pointed out she was wrong for saying it, but telling her she was no different was a step too far. It's probably true, but she didn't know that.

It's harsh, but it might be the framing she needed to jolt her out of her delusion that she was in a LDR, don't you think?

I did think that myself! But I also think there was a distinct lack of the compassion that is usually offered on the basis of one word.

My post upthread was very measured because if I'd posted what I really thought, it would have been deleted anyway.

I think this op will now either continue in this farce of a situation or repeat it because she hasn't benefitted from the advice she would have received because of one word she used when angry and hurting.

'Wife material.' God I've read it all.

Good, measured points folkgirl.

I bet most women who've found they've been cheated on/feel humiliated have used unpleasant words to refer to the ow in the shock that followed.

One of the things I find quite difficult on the Relationships board is the number of times women are referred to as bitch/ slut/ whore/ slapper/ cow etc. I get that the people concerned are very angry and understand where they're coming from. However, often those terms are used by other contributors. And fine, condemn the OW for being an OW but actually it saddens me that the terms we have for insulting women in those circumstances are actually so misogynist.

Anyway, OP, if you're around please take on board what FolkGirl and others are saying. This wasn't, from the sounds of it, much of a relationship at all.

My point was, that young girls who put their FooFoo on Skype, are rarely seen by guys as Serious relationship material. It may be a double standard, but it's the truth. Whether you like it or not, a lot of men will put women into categories. The kind you take home to Mum. And the kind you shag (because he thinks you're an easy lay). How low do women have to stoop, to bag a man, fgs? The Op is hoping for a serious relationship with this man. But I fear that she is titillation for him. And it's a shame and I do feel really sorry for her. Let's hope he hasn't recorded anything or what not.

Personally I wouldn't want to have a serious relationship with a man who thought that because I enjoyed sex (or Skype sex or whatever) that I wasn't serious relationship material.

You might be right that some men think like that, but we should challenge that sort of thinking, surely, rather than go along with it.

I think you come from a kind place, and are probably right, generally - that the OP is being used. Just didn't like that one comment.

It's a complete double standard. Men who shag about are "Jack the Lad". Give him a pat on the back! Women who shag around are slags. It's totally, totally unfair. But, this double standard does still exist. It's why I didn't shag DH on our first date even though I was gagging for it I mean, how many times have you heard a guy say "she's a slag, she had sex on our first date". Er, well so did you?! I just think that getting naked and putting it out there on Skype is not a great idea. It's not very classy is it. Just my view of course.

I've actually never heard any man say that. Perhaps review the company you keep?
I don't doubt it gets said - but if you hear it that often you're mixing in some unpleasant circles.

I agree with cab I haven't heard men talk like that since I left school.

None of my friends would express this view. They're all married. But these views still exist amongst young guys. You see it on telly all the time. Double standards.

But these views still exist amongst young guys. You see it on telly all the time.

What, on Hollyoaks?

I can't say I recall ever hearing a guy say that in real life either, and I'm relatively young. Guys have generally been quite happy when women have been up for having sex early on. I suspect it is one attitude that is (thankfully) going out with the new generations.

"You see it on telly all the time"

Oh that's the funniest thing I've ever read on MN!!!