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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Embarrassing - long distance

77 replies

Raspberry17 · 17/11/2015 19:16

I'm so humiliated. I'm long distance with my partner so we occasionally have some Skype fun.

Yesterday when we were in the middle of it I am sure I heard like a female scream and later on again something like moans. Basically I think he wasn't watching me but some other girl masturbating and must have inadvertently turned the sound on for a few seconds. It's not the first time I hear something like this during those moments but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything as I am so scared of arguments. I did mention I heard that without saying what I thought he was doing but he just said I mentioned that before. That's all.

When I heard that distinct female scream (she must have been really into it) I just got so put off I stopped doing anything but he was still into it and I think it's because he wasn't in fact watching me so he didn't notice anything on my end.

I'm not really looking for advice, just needed to vent. I feel so unattractive.

OP posts:

BeverlyGoldberg · 17/11/2015 20:48

Behave. Honest to God is this real? You need to get rid as quickly as possible. No explanation, no contact, just delete the creep and move on.

AnyFucker · 17/11/2015 21:42

"some cam whore" ?

Not sure I can see many differences between what she is doign and what you are doing, tbh

At least "some cam whore" is making a living, while you are simply making a mug of yourself

lavenderhoney · 18/11/2015 00:41

You can use Skype to call people simultaneously on more than one device. You can also film them. Block the twat and move on. And hope you're not on You Tube.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 18/11/2015 02:59

At least "some cam whore" is making a living, while you are simply making a mug of yourself

This, and a thousand times this. I came on prepared to be helpful and kind, but actually, I shan't bother.

Tootsiepops · 18/11/2015 03:23

Got to agree with AnyFucker on this one.

I understand that you are hurt, but you don't raise your self-esteem by denigrating others.

Isetan · 18/11/2015 05:47

The sanctimony and hypocrisy of some people.

OP you do realise that Skpe video calls can be recorded? Let's hope he isn't sharer and that you aren't a 'cam whore', who isn't getting paid.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 18/11/2015 07:01

There are so many threads on here that leave me incredulous about the way we raise girls in our society that enables some women to think that this is a relationship or a partner.

How many times have you met? For how long has this been long distance? Why weren't you so disgusted by his behaviour that you dumped him? Is this really someone worth waiting for?

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 18/11/2015 07:36

Almost 2 years and we have met

And you call him your 'partner'? Are you completely nuts? It shouldn't need to be specified that you 'have met' a boyfriend of two years standing, much less a partner.

YOU ARE BEING PLAYED.

I'm sure it wasn't a "real" girl but some cam wh0re.

What they all said. Plus^ if you're going to be cheeky enogh to call someone a whore for selling what you are giving away free to someone you 'have met', drop the twee number substituted for letter stuff. Also drop the idea that sex workers aren't 'real women'.

MiamiBound · 18/11/2015 07:47

Why would you be angry at the other woman? Paid or not she's only doing the same as the op.

The only person here anyone should be angry with is the partner if indeed he is 'doing the dirty'

It's more likely he had some pornography on than 2 people at the same time

kerbs · 18/11/2015 08:11

Do people really act like this, put me off my porridge.

LIZS · 18/11/2015 08:47

Without wishing to add to your humiliation and lecture on the dangers of cyber sex, you have the right to his full attention on the occasions you Skype whether sex is involved or not. It is disrespectful that he is not giving you this let alone that he is apparently including other women in your "relationship". I'm not sure if you can assume he makes the same distinction between you and the sex workers, or has any emotional investment in you as a person. You deserve more and better. Who Skype's who btw?

OTheHugeManatee · 18/11/2015 09:02

'Almost 2 years and we have met'

'And you call him your 'partner'? Are you completely nuts? It shouldn't need to be specified that you 'have met' a boyfriend of two years standing, much less a partner.'

This. Ditch this pseudo-relationship and spend some time working on your sense of self, then go find a real relationship where you, y'know, spend time together in real life.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 18/11/2015 09:13

"Cam whore" - nice.

Explain the difference between you and her??

NerrSnerr · 18/11/2015 09:23

Are you actually in a relationship? You say you've 'met' but have you spent any significant time together? It doesn't sound like a relationship to me. I wouldn't spend any more time with this man.

Suddenlyseymour · 18/11/2015 11:58

Boke - worst thing I've read on here!

molyholy · 18/11/2015 12:59

'Cam Whore'. What a horrible thing to say.

You do realise you could be a 'Cam whore' too, with this man you 'have met', how many times during your 'relationship'.

Fuck him off.

Seriouslyffs · 18/11/2015 13:01

Ewwww
You've in a sleazy down and dirty relationship. Shock horror- he's acting sleazy down and dirty.

CreepingDogFart · 18/11/2015 13:20

OP you do know hat he can record you don't you? Not a safe relationship in my opinion.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 18/11/2015 13:28

Ewww! You're hardly presenting yourself as wife material! This guy won't be considering this "thing" he has with you, as a relationship. Guaranteed, he will be seeing other women. Why are some people sooo niave? He hardly sees you, and for the short time you are on Skype, he has you on screen, plus another woman. So you are not enough for him, even when he's "with" you on Skype. So how could you be enough, when he's not on-line and say in the pub/club, surrounded by women?? Open your eyes.

SoWhite · 18/11/2015 13:34

"Cam whore" - nice.

Explain the difference between you and her??

One's getting paid for it, the other is doing it for free! I know who the mug is!

Cabrinha · 18/11/2015 14:25

All geared up to write something sympathetic until you said "cam whore".

I'll still throw in something useful though - take a good look at why you think it's OK for him to treat you like shit.

BCBG · 18/11/2015 14:31

How can you be certain he isn't filming you and uploading it onto porn sites? Plenty of readers' wives stuff out there. For all you know your own films could have been viewed anywhere. You can't trust him and you need to get rid. I'm sorry.

greenbananas1 · 18/11/2015 14:42

It's not clear if the OP and this man had the video on during Skype or just the sound. You can turn the video off.

I think there is possibly an over-reaction here. It doesn't sound great but if he finds it hard to get aroused he may have , I suppose, had some porn on another device to help him along, just the same as men and women fantasise during RL sex in the same room with each other.

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople · 18/11/2015 14:51

Greenbananas - for real??

It is not the same as a fantasy in your head at all.

However the "giving it away for free" comments are essentially slut shaming. Appreciate the poster was slut shaming with her cam whore comment but think some of the comments about the poster are now a bit nasty.

FrameyMcFrame · 18/11/2015 15:03

Agree, can whore is not nice, but no need to be mean to the op.
Unfortunately in the. Day and age we live the porn and online sex stuff is just everywhere. I wouldn't worry about it.
But I would worry that you're wasting your time with a long distance online thing. When you could have someone nice in real life... Can you get out and meet more people?

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