Meeting the OW

[Chucklecheeks]

I need to meet the OW. DH moved out to live with her last week after what's looking like a six month affair. We have two children so they will be meeting her at some point. I need to see and speak to her. Am I mad?

I won't even consider the kids meeting her till I have.

All well and good sonny but some people are not capable of being parents and ordering forcible shared care through the courts in Australia has not resulted in better outcome for DC or more shared care in high conflict cases.

Saying you disagree with shared care orders is not the same as saying you don't think children benefit from both parents being involved in their lives.

Fact is you can't force someone to be a good parent by making a court order. Many people who go for shared care orders are actually just seeking validation of their status by the courts and have no intention of being involved in their children's lives. That is reflected by the research on outcomes of the orders in Australia.

Shared parenting only works when both parents are committed to it and that is usually not in high conflict cases where any order is necessary.

needasock The OP say differently.

She says that he has moved too far away to just visit, that his parents won't host him as they are appauled by his behaviour and that her ex's other solution is that she moves out of the family home for the weekend in order for the DC's to have contact with their DF.

The OP has acknowledged in her posts that by refusing O/N's until she has met the OW, she is refusing contact for the DC's with their DF.

Fwiw, very recently ive watched a mother only get awarded 1 day in 14 no over night contact because she moved away very quickly into her boyfriends house and was not able to prioritise how that may impact on her children. Had she not moved in with him and stayed locally it would have been a true 50/50

Yes, he didn't have to move far away and it is his job to sort things out with his parents.

I totally disagree that the op has any right to vet the OW, though understand the temptation, the issue here is that staying with both of them in her house far from their home is going to be too much too soon for them.

The consequences will be for him and OW and the DC who will not thank him for it and will be unnecessarily upset most likely.

Op can't stop him doing it tbh without a court but he would be very ill advised to do that.

Really?

It will be a huge barrier and extremely difficult to sustain.

I despair at the foolishness and selfishness of the father in this case and would hate to be put in the OP's predicament.

I know it will be very difficult for you to do this OP but I think without any evidence of immediate risk to the children, it may be better for you in the long term to not put up any resistance to them living with him whilst the girlfriend is there. This will be incredibly difficult emotionally for you and that is perfectly normal.

I would expect someone as selfish as this person to only turn it on you for his own gain, to make his life easier. You will be seen as controlling, jealous etc. He will give his girlfriend that impression of you and you will be walking right into it.

You don't have to meet her, I wouldn't even want to. Let him and his girlfriend 'see' how this doesn't effect you as you have a life and want him to meet his responsibilities as a father. They will have then have nothing negative to say about you.

When the kids have gone, drink wine and cry and be hurt and angry, don't fake that it doesn't hurt when you are away from the children.

The OP say differently

She says that he has moved too far away to just visit, that his parents won't host him as they are appauled by his behaviour and that her ex's other solution is that she moves out of the family home for the weekend in order for the DC's to have contact with their DF

The OP has acknowledged in her posts that by refusing O/N's until she has met the OW, she is refusing contact for the DC's with their DF

This is not quite correct. She says HE thinks it will be to difficult and that HE does not want to ask his parents. This is not quite the same thing.

One would have thought that given that we are talking about two adults they can find a solution that is likely to be better for the children than being presented with a whole new person as a family member only a week after walking out of the family home

How strange!

Have you been on the beer?!

Sadly not,

what is your point?

I mean, I'm struggling against a bullshit family lawyer person and lapdog.

Well if you actually read the posts she didn't say that. She said she had seen approx 6 judges refer to parents as RP/NRP when discussing child support...

It's clear you've really, really got a bug in your arse for some reason and are intent on coming back to someone else's thread hours later absolutely raging about something that didn't even happen....

Be slightly more explicable if you had had a beer...

Funny that, ive heard it several time just in the last 7 days from about 6 different judges!

This is the actual comment I made. I made no reference to residency orders at all, you have filled that bit in,in your own mind, in my very next post I clarified that I was not talking about residency orders.

I also gave no indication whatsoever about why I spend a great deal of time inside courts, I'm pretty sure that I have never specified exactly why I do not do I intend to.

Because as I often say usually on topics like this it is very important that people remember that some bits of information are far to important not to check with a checkable respected source,

Not really relivant given that the thing you took issue with was a phrase in frequent use and not a legal issue but there you go.

For what it's worth the children's legal center is a handy phone line staffed by respected people and in RL is genrally considered to be sound,they are always worth a phone call if you want to check out an actual legal point.