Annoyed about money

[differentviewpoint]

Hiya, my partner and I have been together for 10 years. I am a sahm and he works in a job he hates. We have money to cover essentials and occasional days out but not general holidays, etc. We have lived in our current, rented home for a year and are decorating/furnishing as we go along. Obviously our sons room was the first room we decorated and furnished and the whole house has been done with help from my mum and dad, except for our bedroom which is still the only room without a curtain pole and curtains etc. Partner has just received a couple of hundred pounds inherence from a relative he has never heard of. Since we have always had a list of things we will buy/sort as we have money I told him that it was his money and he could spend it on what he wanted. I was thinking he would buy some big things he wanted for himself, then maybe some stuff for the house or some stuff for Christmas for his son, but no. He has spent it all on himself leaving nothing for anything else.

I'm torn between thinking well its his money he can spend it how he likes to thinking wow what a selfish cunt he couldn't even spend some on the house or child like I would. Perspectives please

I'd probably martyr around brandishing a hammer nailing very unnatractive sheets to the window frame.

Or buy a cheap curtain rail or blind.

Hopefully not overlooked, but "doing the business" might not be an issue for a while.

Even £900 is really not much when you think how far it goes. Why not just get a job and then you could have your own money monthly.

What do you mean when you say you 'aren't allowed' to work?

I think you're being unreasonable here. The inheritance was a windfall for him; he was being nice by consulting you first, but at the end of the day even if you had been honest he didn't have to listen to you.

Also with regards to your financial situation - if you're in a situation where a couple of hundred pounds can cause so much resentment then perhaps going back to work even part time is a good idea?

And why do your offers to work get 'rebuffed'

Does he have the final say?

If we couldn't have a holiday now and then, or even pop a pair or curtains at the window and rely on my parents to furnish and decorate my home....

I'd be making a few of my own choices here.

Agree with 1scoop if dh hates his job, I'm not sure I'd stick with the status who either, I'd start making retraining and job plans of your own s that kind of long term job hatred will led to resentment all round.

The man was probably thinking - I work in a job I hate to provide for my wife and child. I am therefore going to spend the money on myself. Unexpected money that was given to me.

From the mans perspective he probably thinks he has done nothing wrong

I would suggest that the wife get herself some employment & is less reliant on the husband

Freecycle, car boot sales, Gumtree for poles & curtains at bargain prices

Will you please fuck off with the whole being dependant shit. I AM NOT DEPENDANT, WE ARE A FAMILY. My working at the moment is not beneficial to us as a unit.

You sound quite a dependant unit anyway Op.

Hence your parents helping furnish your house etc.

Have you spoken to him re his 900 'treats' or did he produce a surprise curtain pole

My parents helping was more a you can have it now instead of saving for it and getting it later.

I did try to talk to him but it didn't go well and unfortunately there was no curtain pole hidden under his arm ??

Oh dear

Yip Only1scoop that's what I think too

What did you say? How did you tackle it?

I had planned to wait till our son was in bed and bring it up but unfortunately I reacted to a comment he made about us not being able to afford something.

None so blind as those who will not see. Good luck!

Could you get a job working evenings around when your DP works so you wouldn't need to pay for childcare?

You are dependant on his wages though, however you want to dress it up. And if you don't have enough money to buy a curtain pole, that's a pretty precarious way to live! You really need to think about bringing in a bit of cash, working evenings, or ebaying perhaps? I agree your husband was selfish to not want to spend the money on all of you (and I would be totally livid too if my husband did that), but I also feel a bit sorry for him being the sole earner in a job he hates, that's a horrible way to live, especially if you're still living on the bones of your arse!

I agree that often men think totally differently without meaning harm.
My DH and I are both retired so my income dropped considerably.
DH has a good pension. He pays all and I get the groceries and keep my car on the road. We were married 6 years at this stage.
BUT if any diffs I'd speak up and have done so.
After 6 months retirement I told him that I couldn't do money wise the things I used to do.......gifts etc...buying small bits for the house.
This was 5 years ago.
His response was to tell me to get my coat, we were going to the bank.. within a half hour we had a joint account into which he put £4 and told me to use this when needed, car MOT, tyres, whenever.
I never use it carelessly and when it gets a bit low he tops it up. And never questions the outgoings from it cos he knows I'm sensible.

Open communication is the key. But op needed to have been on the ball and said......It would be nice if dc and I had a little treat, you got something done in the house, and then you enjoy the remainder doing what you want.
Big difference between 200 and 900.

Yesterday dh won £300 on a ballot and said that'll sort his car with new tyres and service.
The point I'm making is that I did not feel neglected by this because he is kind and not mean in other ways.

All my life I was self sufficient.... It takes a little getting used to, to be using a joint account to which I have not contributed...but I'm getting there.

Sorry in the joint account should have been 4000 not 4. !!!

I could get used to that lady