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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Annoyed about money

71 replies

differentviewpoint · 14/11/2015 14:13

Hiya, my partner and I have been together for 10 years. I am a sahm and he works in a job he hates. We have money to cover essentials and occasional days out but not general holidays, etc. We have lived in our current, rented home for a year and are decorating/furnishing as we go along. Obviously our sons room was the first room we decorated and furnished and the whole house has been done with help from my mum and dad, except for our bedroom which is still the only room without a curtain pole and curtains etc. Partner has just received a couple of hundred pounds inherence from a relative he has never heard of. Since we have always had a list of things we will buy/sort as we have money I told him that it was his money and he could spend it on what he wanted. I was thinking he would buy some big things he wanted for himself, then maybe some stuff for the house or some stuff for Christmas for his son, but no. He has spent it all on himself leaving nothing for anything else.

I'm torn between thinking well its his money he can spend it how he likes to thinking wow what a selfish cunt he couldn't even spend some on the house or child like I would. Perspectives please

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 14/11/2015 21:54

I agree Goth.

Tbh if he is working full time in a job he hates just to make ends meet then he probably just took what you said at face value....'it's yours etc'

I don't think this alone makes him selfish.

Hopefully he will find something better soon.

Original poster
differentviewpoint · 14/11/2015 21:55

Thank you GothJoose, your're right and that's exactly what I plan to do in future

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 14/11/2015 21:56

It is a bit of a drip really

A couple of hundred becomes 900 etc etc.

I'd probably feel sad if he spent that amount and my DC never had a holiday etc.

Original poster
differentviewpoint · 14/11/2015 22:00

You're right, sorry, I've just been thinking of it in my head as 'a couple of hundred ' so that's how I explained it originally. I think I was trying to minimise it in my head so I wasn't as bothered. I do apologise.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 14/11/2015 22:04

What has he bought himself with it?

kerbs · 14/11/2015 22:07

£900 on himself? Surely he has bought you something, for a Christmas surprise perhaps.

kerbs · 14/11/2015 22:08

I would love to know what he bought.

Only1scoop · 14/11/2015 22:09

I was thinking also maybe a Christmas surprise etc.

MrsDiesel · 14/11/2015 22:13

I think I understand what you mean OP, if I was given money to spend how I please, I would WANT to spend some on my home and family. You are disappointed that he didn't want to spend any on household or family stuff because presumably you would have wanted to. So you feel that he prioritised you/family less than himself? Or something along those lines?

If that's the case I would have been disappointed too. It's not just that you would have.liked him to spend a bit of it differently, it's that you would have liked him to want to, of his own accord?

springydaffs · 14/11/2015 22:15

Bloody hell, you are seriously strapped if you can't afford a curtain rail/curtains. Just bought a curtain rail in b&q for about £3 and some curtains (lovely, good quality) curtains for £7.99 in a charity shop.

I appreciate that isn't the point. But, really, op it's so miserable not having curtains. You can do it cheap for the time-being.

Kr1stina · 14/11/2015 22:15

If you are hard up, £900 is a lot of money . It's a bit selfish to spend it all on himself , even if you told him that was ok .

Original poster
differentviewpoint · 14/11/2015 22:18

Nope, all spent on his hobby. And yes, I appreciate that curtain poles are cheap but unfortunately the windows in our bedroom are unusual and require poles and curtains that are slightly more expensive. I am keeping my eye out on local sites though

OP posts:
kerbs · 14/11/2015 22:21

Fuck me, that's selfish, I'd be in a strop.

Not cycling I hope.

Original poster
differentviewpoint · 14/11/2015 22:22

And thank you MrsDiesel, you're spot on. I did not want any of it spent on me at all which was why I said originally spend it how you like. I think I did expect him to spend a portion on his son if not the house.

OP posts:
Jftbo74 · 14/11/2015 22:24

Yes it's selfish.

Only1scoop · 14/11/2015 22:25

'We decorated and furnished the whole house with help from my mum and dad'

If he had a little pride and respect maybe he would offer to pay back your parents.

Original poster
differentviewpoint · 14/11/2015 22:26

Sorry everyone, I have just re read my original post and it does read completely different re the actual amount of money so I apologise. I'm going to ask for an edit

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 14/11/2015 22:29

You actually saying 'a couple of hundred quid' originally does actually make me think that you refer to 900 as a 'couple of hundred quid' you can't be that badly off.

Original poster
differentviewpoint · 14/11/2015 22:33

You're right Only1scoop it does sound like that when I read it back. I can only reiterate that I've been saying that to myself to minimise.

OP posts:
kerbs · 14/11/2015 22:38

Does he know you're upset OP?

blueshoes · 14/11/2015 22:42

I think you should have another talk with him about your going back to work. Why is he rebuffing you? I cannot help but feel you are in a vulnerable position. Are you and your partner married?

kerbs · 14/11/2015 22:47

It really changes how you view someone when they do something like this, which is sad really.

springydaffs · 14/11/2015 22:58

Bay? You can get curtain tracks that bend (I know I'm being annoying, sorry). I've even used broom handle on hooks for a curtain pole, rings in the sale.

Perhaps you did set him up, really. I abmit I also blanched a bit at you doing dc's room first - and n years down the line you still don't have curtains. (I can talk - i still haven't painted my bedroom and the kids have left home after endless repaints in their bedrooms! I got it wrong is all I can say, it certainly didn't encourage them to respect me). Kids/house don't always come first - how about you? He could've got you something. Yy curtains are a priority but he could have treated you as well as putting something towards the curtains.

Don't be a martyr op. Not an attack, we all do it.

Only1scoop · 14/11/2015 23:00

How do you sleep without curtains in the summer?

Must be awful.

springydaffs · 15/11/2015 00:03

And how do you get undressed, do the business, read in bed?

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