do people use twitter to show their interest in someone yet manage not to look like a stalker?

[noclueses]

I'm not a twitter user, but the only way I could get in contact with a guy I've briefly met, is via twitter, so thinking is it worth signing up and trying it out - or would I look unhinged and stalkery if I've just joined with no followers yet and not many people I'm friendly with ar personally on twitter but I can follow things I'm interested in to create some 'picture' of me. Anyway, is there some kind of etiquette?

So am thinking of tweeting him about an event we've just both been to and had a brief chat there, so in a way it's a good start, but has to be public as he hasn't got direct messages enabled for just anyone. I can see that he couldn't directly message me unless he follows.

So if I send the tweet, what to expect after that if he is a)remembers me and likes me, and is pleased, or b) wants to be polite but not knowing me may be careful - or just not single (no idea if he is single but nothing on his twitter about a partner recently, and I only read recent pages), I don't want to dig on internet too much as if he is not interested, I don't care what's the reason. I have to add that he is a slightly public figure which makes it a bit more awkward, i.e. would he feel he ought to reply with a polite tweet? He sounds informal on there though, and from what I could see, a nice guy. But who knows??
I'd much prefer to send a private message but I can't unless he follows me - and if he does, should I then send a PM? I find the format so restrictive whereas PMs can be long.

Oh and he is younger than me - so I have to be brave if I do this, but at least want to know if it works for others .

and thanks for encouragement! I wish my fish would hurry up just a bit though, haha!

I was going to say "try to start a conversation first and see if you get followed back, because then you can DM", but I see the conversation has moved on a bit.

Even if he was completely ignored, he may get praise for trying one more time etc, trying to 'woo' someone.

He shouldn't though.

This is all part of the imaginary "reluctant virgin" stereotype.
The idea that men want sex and women don't want sex, so the only woman worth having is one who is reluctant.
A woman who pursues is a slut.
A woman who says "no" just needs persuading.
Yuck to all of it.

If a person responds to a suggestion of meeting up with "I'm busy", then they mean "no thank you please don't ask again", unless they explicitly follow up with "I'm busy BUT I could do something the week after next".

of course it's 'yuck' to that, Trills. But it seems it still in operation. Quite a few women do respond eventually to a man who she is not initially interested in, especially if not initially physically attracted. I've heard women saying (and when I was very young, it felt similar in some cases - but not often for me) that she didn't fancy him, turned him down, but then got flattered by the persistence and patience and suddenly bam, she gets attracted. I've known some examples where a woman (an OW to married man) was endlessly patient and got results after a few years, but it's less common and indeed mainly applies to OWs.
Well, yes re being busy - especially as it turns out he is likely to still be living with a gf (no intention to be dating or even meeting up with anyone socially). I don't know if it would have helped if I was mainly presenting it a friendship/common interest thing, but could I be just friends with someone I really like? I could possibly, but he'd probably see I would prefer more. Not that I was direct in any sexual way, but I think when we talked, I was a little flirty.

My advice definitely wasn't gender biased, I wouldn't encourage a male friend to pursue someone who had given them clear 'thanks but no thanks' signals.

The OW scenario is a different thing, though isn't it - I recall Jilly Cooper having one character say of a second wife that she “carried a chisel round in her bag for years, trying to chip [husband] off like a barnacle." Not a behavioural pattern to emulate!

On top of which, if he is slightly famous he probably gets more attention than a regular person would, and so you may be one of several 'groupies', which also isn't a great pattern.

See how things go on Twitter, it could still be a slow burner (I don't think that's likely but you never know). You can't pour petrol on a slow burner, though!

thanks, tribpot. Amazed you still think it may be a slow burner - I suppose it may but I'm now to scared to make any more moves. I will still got to events and tbh probably will not resist saying hi to him if I get the chance, but won't jump through hoops (or over other people!). He doesn't get groupies in droves , nothing like that, his 'fans' are more of an older age for one (erm older than me). Obviously there are always exceptions but he's unusual in several ways, which I like! he's not every woman's cup of tea re looks or what he does (some would find his field boring) and with him you'd have to like both as it's his life (and the looks). But he is probably with the same GF, that's much more of a deterrent.
Yeah, some OWs aer fantastically determined and patient, bt they can only be that if a man gives some encouragement or has a sift spot for them, otherwise she becomes a 'bunny boiler' and he can't wait to get rid after a short while.

re not encouraging a male with 'thanks but no thanks' - well many people would see it not as a clear brush off because he added that he hopes to see me at events. I think if I was brushing someone off, I wouldn't say that for fear of encouraging, nor that he should come up to me - the most I'd say would be 'might see you at the events'. But obv he may just be nicer than I am . I'm very off/cold with men if I see unwanted attention so maybe I'm judging by my own standard.

'too scared'

He's not interested.
He's not interested.
He's not interested.

Leave him alone.Honestly, any further approaches from you are going to be pestering if not stalking. He's given you a nice, polite, friendly brush off. He's not interested.

SGB, I did say above I will not be contacting, at most will say hi at events as he suggested. At least he hasn't unfollowed me on twitter yet, so I'll step back as that would be unpleasant. Still gutted a bit though, haven't liked anyone as much for a while.

many people would see it not as a clear brush off because he added that he hopes to see me at events. I think if I was brushing someone off, I wouldn't say that for fear of encouraging, nor that he should come up to me

This is over invested analysis. This is nothing more than good manners - sweetening the pill of a brush off.

• Maybe we could have dinner sometime?
• That's kind but I'm really busy right now, I'll call you.

• Would you like to go for a coffee?
• Can't sorry, maybe another time.

No one means "I'll call you" or "another time"!! Or "hope to see you". It's just good manners.

CheersM, yes, most likely a final brush-off, though strictly speaking he didn't have to go to say that hopefully he'll see me in future. Do you mean saying this in person or messaging?

I 100% meant if you see him in person. Do not message him any more!

You do sound a bit over-keen crazed fan-crush to be honest. That's why I was saying - if you speak to him, have something sensible planned to say (specific and too the point not "you're sooooo great"), and keep it short and you must end the conversation and move away quickly. Act as if you are interested in the professional angle; as if you want to keep up with a potential good work contact.

thanks, Cheers, it's my interest, not my work so 'prof contact' will not wash.

As I say, I'm not messaging any more. Yes, you are right of course, re polite brush-offs being sweetened as he is a nice person, but also I suspect he doesn't want to discourage people who come to his events. So a balancing act for him. I'm not a crazed fan - I admire his work hugely and only recently discovered him, but not a crazed fan of him as a man, mature enough to differentiate between the two - I like him but don't know him personally, only a little.
I suppose what slightly encouraged me to hope he may like me/would be curious to meet up, is that he lingered after I turned away to go after out chat, looking in my direction, and then also responded to my message (first one was actually extra friendly), I thought there was a bit of a vibe even if nothing major. But as he is not single, it's neither here nor there. Last couple of days been focusing on other things, so I'm ok, will distract myself.