do people use twitter to show their interest in someone yet manage not to look like a stalker?

[noclueses]

I'm not a twitter user, but the only way I could get in contact with a guy I've briefly met, is via twitter, so thinking is it worth signing up and trying it out - or would I look unhinged and stalkery if I've just joined with no followers yet and not many people I'm friendly with ar personally on twitter but I can follow things I'm interested in to create some 'picture' of me. Anyway, is there some kind of etiquette?

So am thinking of tweeting him about an event we've just both been to and had a brief chat there, so in a way it's a good start, but has to be public as he hasn't got direct messages enabled for just anyone. I can see that he couldn't directly message me unless he follows.

So if I send the tweet, what to expect after that if he is a)remembers me and likes me, and is pleased, or b) wants to be polite but not knowing me may be careful - or just not single (no idea if he is single but nothing on his twitter about a partner recently, and I only read recent pages), I don't want to dig on internet too much as if he is not interested, I don't care what's the reason. I have to add that he is a slightly public figure which makes it a bit more awkward, i.e. would he feel he ought to reply with a polite tweet? He sounds informal on there though, and from what I could see, a nice guy. But who knows??
I'd much prefer to send a private message but I can't unless he follows me - and if he does, should I then send a PM? I find the format so restrictive whereas PMs can be long.

Oh and he is younger than me - so I have to be brave if I do this, but at least want to know if it works for others .

I honestly wouldn't send him a DM. I would find that very odd from a tweeter I didn't know personally and would be inclined to mark them as spam so they couldn't DM me any more.

seriously, if you're worried that he may not be single, why wouldn't you do some basic googling and find out, before you get any more invested in that side of things? I don't mean to pour cold water on your Twitterjoy, but Twitter can be quite misleadingly intimate (great for the person who wants to make contact; maybe unnerving for the contactee if it's overly enthusiastic) - and it could be rather crushing if he suddenly refers to his wife while you're busy constructing the perfect tweet. Not to say that you couldn't still make a great connection, but at least you wouldn't have that potential disappointment hanging over you.

so far I'm not making any plans or investing into a 'future relationship', it's an interest. I ve tried to google but couldn't see any info about his relationship status. I THINK he's single, even in his tweets no mention so far of partners. Obv, who knows? But that's what I mean - directly messaging isn't an investment now, as if he says no or ignores, I haven't spent time building anything up. Whereas if I go the slow route, i will be investing. He may meet a woman at any time so waiting for weeks/months on twitter for a build up may still lead nowhere.

I wasn't thinking DMing anything direct or embarassing, more like about my interest in what he does as tweeting is very limited and tiresome tbh - you can fit one sentence into a tweet. Plus I'm worried as to how it appears on his profile so that it doesn't look like flirting to all who's reading.

So I think, two routes based on advice and my own instinct - DM but not to be direct, maybe about his work. Or do nothing and he might contact while I'm tweeting others (would give that a week or two max really). And the thing is, he doesn't tweet re work much, it's trivia, I find it would be odd for me as someone new to reply to that, people who reply are old followers.

needless to say, no wedding ring either.

Well I'd been in his company a few times so he did know who I was - we just hadn't chatted one on one really.

FedUp so did you message him with a small talk, or asked him out? what was his reaction to your message, immediately interested? sorry for all the q but it's relatively similar to my situation, mainly because it was you who showed initiative without a build-up.

That's alright. Well, I made some small talk in the hope he'd realise I was interested. He didn't realise! He says now he is just crap at taking a hint!

So then I thought fuck it and asked him out - think he was quite pleased, accepted right away and made all the arrangements.

Were you to DM I would say something like "so how did you find x the other night" or something like that and just try and get a wee bit of chat going. If he's not chatty or not getting back to you quickly you will have your answer - my boy was very good at replying to messages etc so even though he didn't actually ask me out as I was hoping I knew he was responding to me as soon as he got my messages.

my God, FedUp aer we twin sisters? that's exactly my kind of mentality and mode of operation - hints first, but if not taken, patience runs out fast and as you say 'I thought fuck it and asked him out'. CAn I ask how old you wre roughly, and was he older/younger? I sort of always feel more assertive with younger guys, but otoh maybe it can scare them a bit..in terms of that they don't see older women as GF material. I'm not hugely older than this man, for the record.

meaning I'm not just after a shag .

We are both late 30's - he's slightly older than me though.

He's not one of those super confident with women guys so I took the bull by the horns!

I dithered with mine for aaaaages because I kept thinking, nah, I'm too old, he's just being nice, it's just a bit of fun. I did ask him to come to a party and he said yes, but it was very casual. And the whole Twitter/Facebook thing kept going on, and when we met up at events (which are every couple of months or so) we'd always end up chatting intensely in a corner.

And then he sent me a message along the lines of: I really really like you and would love to get together some time, what do you say?

And, well, we met up for a drink and a chat, and then last weekend we met up for a shag, basically. And it was all fabulous.

So you never know, it can work out. But don't be afraid to take your time and enjoy the build-up.

Why don't you scout around for an event that's on a similar topic to the one you went to and then send him a message with a link to it saying
"I was thinking of going to this and wondered if you'd be interested in going too? [seeing as how we both enjoyed [previous event]"

That way it could just be a "thought it may interest you" casual invite rather than a "I want to rip your clothes off and I'm stalking you" invite.

And I wouldn't get excited about the following you on twitter. It's pretty standard to follow back someone who is following you.

FedUp, well done, but also so lucky he's responded immediately!

SGB, how long did the whole process take? I'm assuming you dated others meanwhile? because if not I admire your patiennce, I'm just totally crap at waiting for months. My mentality is, if someone gets the right vibe it shouldn't take that long and investing so much time will make it more painful if doesn't work, but obviously it can work this way! btw is he a lot younger ? good to hear he's asked you out in the end - SO satisfyling for you!

Cheers, interesting idea. I assume that all the events will include him being in a leading role so from that point of you I already am going to these events in a month time, but yes possibly he goes to similar ones where he is in a attendee role. I could ask.

This was to answer the posts, but not good news so far, I'm afraid! I did message, not to ask him out directly, but saying that I'd like to chat to him again following that event and to know more about him/his work. Yes probably transparent but actually true - as I say I'd like to get to know a man before feeling really romantic about him as ime the first impression esp at work is not what the person is really like. Or at least not the full picture. I know it was silly to hope that he'll jump at it, and you all thing I'm silly but please hold my hand a bit as I'm a little bit gutted. Would haev felt a lot worse if I did build up more I think. Anyway he did reply in a nice way saying that he hopes to see me at future such events and that I should come say hi to him, BUT he started that sentence by saying that he is very busy (meaning not following up on one to one meetup hint). He did say absolutely fine that I messaged. But again no personal questions, so obviously being nice and likes me socially but no more. I know he only seen me once and possibly is suggesting the above so that he can have a second/third look and then see if he may get interested, but also of course he may not be single and I don't feel I can ask directly about it. The problem is, even I decide to step back and just see him at events, os that he is not going to be there on his own, so I can't just come up to him and actually chat, there'll people around and would only be literally a 'hi, great event' or something. But again, maybe I should develop the patience and give it a chance. I'm going anyway as signed up already. Or as Cheers says, maybe I should ask if he's going to anyn other ones, though of course it's probably pushy in this context.

Anyway he did reply in a nice way saying that he hopes to see me at future such events and that I should come say hi to him, BUT he started that sentence by saying that he is very busy (meaning not following up on one to one meetup hint).

Sorry but I think that you should take that as meaning he's not interested in anything social. As you say it's a polite brush off. I don't think it could possibly class as "he can have a second/third look and then see if he may get interested". That is wishful thinking.

He may be in a relationship; he may not be interested, but whatever the reason I think that is no dice I'm afraid.

I would just leave it. If you go to another event, do say hi but keep it short and with a point rather than just gushing hello or trying to hang around prolonging the conversation.

Eg. say his field is [topic]

Hi, don't know if you remember me but we met at xyz. I really enjoyed [your talk/this event] because [incisive observation about content]. I'm going to [other event] on [topic] next month and thought it may interest you. I'll send you a link as I think you'd find it interesting.

[and then leave after his response].

God no do not ask if he's going to any more events. He doesn't want any further chat via DM, you really need to leave it alone now.

Keep an eye on where he's going to be, perhaps another opportunity will arise for a conversation.

CheersM, yes, most likely a final brush-off, though strictly speaking he didn't have to go to say that hopefully he'll see me in future. Do you mean saying this in person or messaging? I'd probably say even less if in person, but no way I'll be gushing or queuing among others to talk at future events. For the record I'll to the events because I enjoy them anyway.

A bit of new info, I did manage to find a mention online of him 'living with a girlfriend' (someone commented on social media about him) a couple of yrs ago. So that seems to be that - no reason to think they are not still together, even though not married. So at least I feel it's not personal, i.e. it's not because I'm hideous that he is not interested. Though being a bit older may not be his cup of tea. It's in a way a relief to know the status quo.
He did say it would be nice to see me at those events, but again may be he is just being gentle (part of the attraction).

tribpot, yes prob best not to. I may just briefly message thanking him and just to acknowledge what he said, but no more hints about meeting and no further messages.

See it's all quite confusing to me re gender equality in dating. I don't think it's there really. Say, even before you know if someone has a gf/bf, I think a man would be encouraged to be persistent and not give up at the first nice brush-off. Especially of someone is saying that they are just very busy as a reason. Even if he was completely ignored, he may get praise for trying one more time etc, trying to 'woo' someone.
But God forbid a woman does this - everyone is then horrified that she is chasing or trying to change a man's mind. Well it does still hapen in film, but in rl especially on MN it's a no-no. I'm not saying it's wrong because really it's still how it works - men don't like being chased. Well, some do but a small minority - those who actively prefer dominant women, I suppose. So I'm not saying the advice is wrong - but it still feels a bit unfair (I wish I was a man when it comes to dating, I really do - I'd feel like my hands are not tied to this extent, always worried to overstep the mark which lots of men do when they try to win someone 'challenging' over).

I wouldn't message him again at all. But, as I think you're going to, I'd say nothing more than 'Cheers' or 'Thanks' and leave it at that.

I'll try, Swedish it does sound good reading it like that, just a cool 'cheers'. I hope it wouldn't come across as sulky though?

OP no disrespect but you sound way overinvested for someone you hardly know and a bit obsessed to be honest
it wouldn't come as sulky, I mean wtf. He probably wants to be left in peace now
It's nothing to do with the fact you're a little older or gender in dating. He's not interested by the looks of things. Really don't message him anymore. If you bump into him again, fine. But otherwise, there are other men out there, you know!

I really wouldn't reply. That was a very polite brush off indicating he hasn't given your meeting a second thought since, but would naturally be happy to see you at a future event. If you go to another don't go out of your way to say hi, if eye contact is made give a warm smile and move on, if he wants to talk he will.

This is nothing to do with gender equality, a man in your position who carried on pushing a conversation wouldn't be looked on kindly.

Yes, Polka, I know. There ar other men, but it seems anyone who really catches my eye /I like the personality of, turns out to be in a relationship. It's very very frustrating. I did recently date someone who showed a lot of initiative but we were so different in many things that attraction alone couldn't carry it. Whenever I meet a guy who is on my wavelength and I like the look of, is not single. I was hoping this man was - I might have had a chance with him then, pretty sure. Of course I'll have to move on. Not really going to jump through hoops to say hi to him at events either, what's the point!

witsender, cross posted somewhat! agree with not making any effort at events - only if he approaches me (which he won't) and then as you say, warm/polite but no suggestions. No point whatsoever if he's not single.

Not sure about your last comment, men are often encouraged not to give up. 'Faint heart never won a fair maiden' etc!

I think you make some fair points about gender equality for what it's worth.

There's other fish though, onwards and upwards!

Feel the obsessed comments are a wee bit unfair. With all due respect wonder if those MNetters have been married for yonks and just not experienced the sheer frustration of dating in your 30's/40's. It's rare to meet someone you feel attracted to at all, and I had definitely googled my now bf a bit etc. That doesn't make me obsessed - it's just the reality of dating in 2015. Most people have an online profile and naturally you check it out!

thank you so much, FedUP, you get it to a T!
yes, dating can be extremely disheartening, partly because in your 40s you know what you like and are possibly more 'fussy' , plus you have to go for men who already have/don't want any more kids, that again cuts down the number. And you don't get excited about everyone you see - it's rare, in fact.
But you still want to feel excited/romantic about a man, just because you are older and are meant to be practical/sensible, it doesn't mean it works like that. And as to 'obsessed' yes when you don't meet many suitable men and not chased by hoards, the excitement is higher when you do and also you do feel like not wasting your time/life on long build-ups etc which thendon't work.
I do wonder if men are always put off by keenness/efforts from a woman, what do you think, FedUp? were you very patient, let him take the lead? in my situation I will obv have to cool it, but just interested for future ref.