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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is this distant family member coming onto me? if so, what should I do?!

57 replies

Bjornstar · 10/11/2015 16:45

I was recently at a family event where my dad's cousin and her husband were there. They are much older than me ( 35+years) so I thought nothing of giving him my mobile number when he asked for it (in front of his wife) and mentioned lunch. I said it would be very nice to catch up.

We went for lunch today and he insisted on picking me up from home. His wife was not with him, I still didn't think much of it as he is that much older than me!

I asked where his wife was and he said they had decided to separate but were still good friends. I was shocked as this was not common knowledge but I do believe it as he is abroad a lot so imagine it would put a strain on them.

When we were eating, he went a bit doe eyes on me and telling me I looked fantastic and said he thought we had a lot in common. He then asked if he could share some of my pudding! He did! He practically threw his cake onto my plate.

He said the time has gone too quickly (I said I couldn't be long as had to pick my son up from school). He said we should do it soon and where would I like to go. He asked if he could take me to the opera!

When we got outside, he said he wanted to take my picture and he did.

Then after he dropped me home he sent a text saying he had a meeting in Paris and wished he could take me with him! Also asked me to call him tonight if I wanted to.

Dh knew about the lunch and was in stitches when I gave him the details.

Think I know he was being an opportunist! But how do I respond without being rude people?

Thank you!!!!

OP posts:
SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 11/11/2015 21:45

Why meet him at all?
And is that a decision you have made or a decision you communicated to him?

It really is vital that you communicate really clearly with men like this.

I had an older married man who decided to be overly friendly. I was not sufficiently clear when I rebuffed him. I am unable to avoid him as he turns up somewhere I have to go often and despite me subsequently pointing out he is married and even if he were not I am not interested etc. He cannot seem to get it into his head that I am not going to change my mind at some point. It has caused me no end of grief. I wish I had been braver and less of a polite people pleaser from the start.

Using DH as a shield is suggesting that a) were you not married you might be interested in which case all he needs (
In his head) to do is tempt you into an affair and b) he should back off because you are someone else's property and not because of your own decision (i.e. it is enough you aren't interested)

All I am saying is, that as women, we should not be frightened, ashamed nor embarassed to say "I am not now, nor have I been, nor will I be interested in you in any kind of romantic or sexual way and your behaviour was inappropriate" without fearing that the creep man might either think us rude or accuse us of misunderstanding a friendly gesture or of having tickets on ourselves.

pocketsaviour · 11/11/2015 22:10

But why would you want to introduce your H and son to a creepy, lecherous, sexist old wankbadger?

I don't know how you didn't stab him with your fork when he said about driving tests. Fuck me, if he'd been wining and dining me he'd have been lucky to leave with all his extremities intact Grin

Bjornstar · 11/11/2015 23:45

DH and ds already knew him from years ago!

OP posts:
Sweetsweetjane · 12/11/2015 01:33

sorry, but I love the fact that he threw his cake onto your plate. It sounds such a charmingly quaint wooing technique. Of course he's a creepy aul fecker tho.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/11/2015 05:30

Yup creepy and entitled!

Wow he really does think he's a catch doesn't he?!

Bet you really had difficulty turning him down GrinGrin!

Bjornstar · 12/11/2015 06:40

Yeah he asked if I wanted some of his dessert cake and I said no thank you. He dug his spoon into my ice cream for a taste and then put his dessert on my plate!

Thank you all for your comments, it was good to share and hear your comments

OP posts:
SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 12/11/2015 09:43

He dug his spoon into my ice cream for a taste and then put his dessert on my plate!

Almost allegorical. Putting his dessert on your plate despite you politely decl8ning is exactly what he is trying to doWink

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