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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

"The best sex you've ever had" - is it with your OH?

38 replies

Followyourart · 09/11/2015 19:54

..I don't think that the sex me and OH have is the best he's ever had. I think the odds are stacked against me really, he's 41 and had quite a few more partners than me.
I'm different in that I don't tend to remember one night stands, only sex I've had with long term partners, and I can't really remember the moments properly or any details specifically.
Think it stems from a while ago when oh mentioned a sexual experience he had with a stranger in a public place. I assumed this was his "best ever" experience, given that he'd told me about it, and it made me feel a bit well, jealous, insecure almost.. But recently I mentioned it in a jokey way, and he said it wasn't a great experience after all. Didn't know what to believe!
I've never had a thrilling or risky experience like that.. So maybe I feel a bit left out.
So, are you the best your current oh has ever had? Do you know you are? Is he yours? If you're not, how does it make you feel? Are you accepting that you may not be, or does it hurt a bit..? I suppose my oh is the "one" and I want to feel like I'm the best to him.. But perhaps I'm being childish :-/ got to stay away from those romantic movies....!

OP posts:

Beaverfever · 09/11/2015 20:42

A memorable sexual experience doesn't have to be a good one at all.

Pobspits · 09/11/2015 20:45

Hmmmm well yes because Dh is the only person I've had sex with (was a teen when we got together). He isn't much older (4 yrs) but is significantly more sexually experienced than me - he's slept with a lot of people. They were all but one ONS though so Id hope that our sex was more meaningful. That said I would imagine he probably did have good sex before he met me but that's ok!

whatevername · 09/11/2015 20:47

Had completely mind-blowing sex & no, not with my partner. In fact, he's the worst I ever had, we're now separating.

Cabrinha · 09/11/2015 21:27

I think you'd be better off thinking about why it's so important to you, not thinking about him having had 'better'.

I have a new boyfriend. He said I was the best ever. He was married for a long time, a good marriage but his wife died. He loved her. I told him straight - if I'm the best ever, I'm worried you don't put the effort in, cos 15 years with a woman you loved should have got pretty good together!

Thing is, I don't care about being his best ever. I just want him to fall in love with me (in time!) and to have great sex that doesn't need to be compared.

My XH slept with prostitutes. I couldn't compete with that, with whatever he was looking for /getting. Those women are experienced professionals! I've certainly learned that trying to be 'best' is fruitless.

I say, if my partner has had great sex in the past - good on him, and that bodes well for us in future to develop a good sex life.

An ex of mine, his best ever experience was probably his first girlfriend... he was talking to her through her open Nova window, and came in his pants He must have been properly turned on. I never made him come without touching him I don't think he wanted to repeat it

Don't put yourself in competition with situations you can't recreate.

Work out why you're feeling insecure instead.

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 09/11/2015 21:32

Mine isn't.
Mine was when I was 17 with someone much older than me.
I was a naughty little cow who did things they shouldn't!
My DP knows and teases me about it all the time but we have a fantastic sex life and I'm not complaining!

itsmeohlord · 09/11/2015 21:34

My DH is the best - the only for the last 30 years!

WitchWay · 09/11/2015 21:43

Best sex ever was an illicit shag on a hearth-rug in front of a roaring fire with a good friend who had a girlfriend who worked away. I had a boyfriend who was at work. We were killing time & somehow the atmosphere changed & we were at it like rabbits . He was lovely, but too thick for a relationship IYSWIM.

Sex with DH (ancient history now) was good but a bit porny. Well-hung men seem to use that to their own advantage

Original poster

Followyourart · 09/11/2015 21:44

I think it stems from some strange paranoia that he's thinking of this "best time(s)" while he's sleeping with me... Like it must pop into his head , if it was his best time.. Then surely it's going to? I think it is insecurity on my part..
I also think that after 3 years of living together, sex has got a bit stale, and I think this is why I worry. I'm sure he isn't thinking anything during though...
Personally I definitely don't think of exes, even those I genuinely loved. I suppose I can only hope he thinks the same

OP posts:

TimeToMuskUp · 09/11/2015 21:44

I don't look at it in terms of 'best'. It's like trying to work out which child is your favourite, or which of your fancy shoes you'll be buried in. Why not love them all?

DH is great in bed, we're sexually very compatible. I've had sex with other men I'm also sexually compatible with, and enjoyed it. It's not something measurable or comparable. Not at all.

Original poster

Followyourart · 09/11/2015 21:46

Is that experience something you think about often now, witchway - I mean, especially like, in the "moment"?? or more something you think back on fondly..?

OP posts:

TimeToMuskUp · 09/11/2015 21:51

Follow do you honestly think he's thinking of exes whilst having sex with you? Do people do that? I genuinely haven't ever thought about an ex whilst having sex with DH. I don't think about much at all, really.

UmbongoUnchained · 09/11/2015 21:52

My DP is fantastic. I feel really bad because before we slept together I wasn't expecting much as he's younger and really not that experienced.
Well... That will teach me not to be so judgemental. I didn't know I bent in these directions.

pinotblush · 09/11/2015 21:56

If someone had to have a "compare" sex conversation with me I'd be gone if he was new and think he was about to embark or had done in an other relationship if I were his partner.

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 09/11/2015 21:56

Umbongo that made me laugh!

something2say · 09/11/2015 22:08

I quite like reading about people's good sex!!!

Mine was this man I danced with in a club. We started seeing each other, he'd drive up to mine, I'd feed him and then we'd have such good sex. So sensual, and he was massive and really strong. Yum yum yum. I just remember the way he stroked my body and my body felt like electricity. And we used to watch ourselves standing up in the mirror later when we worked our way round the room!!!

For the op tho, my current partner is not the best I'd ever had but I live him and it's good with him. The man above, I would have wanted to go out with him, where my partner is the full package. Don't worry so much about it. Instead, really get into what turns you on and take responsibility for having a bloody good time, belly aching, arse cheeks hurting sort of good time, heavy breathing, the lot. Have that sort of good time occasionally and that's all you can do. X

wideboy26 · 09/11/2015 22:26

Yes, because although I have had better purely physical experiences with others, she is the one with whom I have felt closest and something way beyond the physical.

wideboy26 · 09/11/2015 22:28

Just to clarify, better experiences with others before we were married.

Friendlystories · 09/11/2015 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum · 09/11/2015 22:47

After 22 years of us training each other in our lives and hated and getting pleasure from pleasuring the other, how could he not be the best ever.

Unreasonablebetty · 09/11/2015 23:46

No my husband is not my best shag, not at all. He is probably number 3 on the list. Our sex life is shocking....Still.
But he is my favourite man who has ever walked on this earth. Being the best in the sack doesn't always count so much.

Epilepsyhelp · 09/11/2015 23:52

Yes, by far. Maybe because I love him the most?

TheCraicDealer · 10/11/2015 00:37

No, DP isn't the best I've ever been with. The best I had amazing chemistry with but you know, he was a knob. I knew even in the throes of passion he wasn't going to be getting up in the middle of the night to deal with a toddler poo-plosion or make sympathetic noises when I was telling him about a crappy day at work. DP is just brilliant at everything and oral.

The question makes me think of a bit in Trainwreck (amazing film btw) where the lead goes, "I dunno if he's the one. I mean, he's not the best sex I've ever had", and her sister says, "the 'best sex you've ever had' guy was weird, that guy was creepy. That guy is probably in jail. Who wants to end up with that guy?!" .

wickedlazy · 10/11/2015 00:45

I replied to the last thread like this, but my answer has changed this time!

Dp is best sex I've had, and I thought dp's best sex was with someone else. But I read him my previous reply to previous thread (and op) and he was and said I'm best sex he's had, because he's never been in love with anyone like he has me will happily pass anyone the sick bucket who needs it and naughty sex (he described a few of our kinkier moments) with someone you love is way better than with someone you don't. It's more passionate for a start (which is how I feel about it but hadn't told him that before).

magiccatlitter · 10/11/2015 01:12

I guess at the time there were a few I thought were great but looking back they were all really crap in bed.

I've had other more mind blowing experiences in life than a romp in the sack.

Mrskeats · 10/11/2015 10:23

Yes with current dp is the best
I think it's because I love him more than I've ever loved a man before and we connect on many levels
He is also very passionate and giving in bed and makes me feel very desired so it's fantastic

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