Why some people jump into marriage/relationship very quickly?

[Inexperiencedchick]

Why is it like that?

Is it wrong just to date, get to know a person and then decide to go serious?

I think some people just get overexcited in the lust stage of the relationship and don't think about the practical aspects. I also think for some women, they are insecure and feel the need to rush into commitment for fear of the guy changing their mind, especially if their biological clock is ticking and/or they want a partner to get on the housing ladder or move out of shared housing into a rented place as a couple.

For us we were friends for a while and once we started dating it was 6 weeks before I moved in we waited a bit to get married but not long in the grand scheme of things.
We knew it felt right, we talked practical things really early, kids, schooling, who should be primary carer and stay home for a bit, all that stuff was done before we moved in together.
We were fortunate that it wasn't a financial decision. Although obviously paying one mortgage not two was a bonus.
That was in 2000 and through various life events we are still very much together and loving the rose tinted view of growing old and wrinkly together.
No point in just dating if you know you have the one.

Bit of a sexist post neotix. I think you may find that men can rush relationships due to being insecure/wanting children...

I suppose it depends on what you class as quick.

Idiocy on not realising the legal commitment but relishing in the 'romantic' view of marriage. We ill prepare people for the reality of the legalities of marriage in this day and age

We are in our mid 30s and there has been a number of people getting married really quickly in the past year.

Unfortunately it is true that women don't have as long to wait if they want children but on the flip side, both parties are older and wiser, they know what they want and are better able to judge people.

I think getting married very quickly on a whim in your late teens or early 20s is a very silly idea unless you grew up with each other as a lot of the marriages end in divorce fairly quickly (though there is good outcomes as well). I wouldn't recommend that to anyone as your not long left home and sometimes it's your first serious relationship and have no idea of the practicalities that married life brings.

But getting married after only a few months in your late 20s or older is a different ball game as at least you have some life experience behind you and know it's not all going to be all hearts and roses.

I've never understood the concept of extended dating TBH. Especially not for the over 25s. Once you know yourself it shouldn't take eons to know whether there is potential with someone.

Similarly (as pps have said) after 35 there isn't much point in drawing out the 'relationship but separate houses' thing forever (unless the intent is literally to live alone forever). You have some sense of people, life etc by then (and less time to waste).

I we decided to get married after 6 weeks and DH was away for three of them. In our thirties, no baggage, both very happy with ourselves/own lives, both sporty, similar education levels, similar interests, both had great jobs.

I thought I had won the lottery to be honest. I hadn't even met anyone I wanted to have dinner with for a year. Neither of us was needy or desperate but really happy with our individual lives.

13 years on our marriage is strong, we are really happy.

I really don't think you can generalise.

I married my husband 5 months after meeting him at 23. 8 years on we are still together and happier than ever. I think it's all down to personal circumstances, what works for one person won't necessarily work for another.

@lonnie06 i've reported your post

@StrawberryTeaLeaf

I've never understood the concept of extended dating TBH. Especially not for the over 25s. Once you know yourself it shouldn't take eons to know whether there is potential with someone.

Similarly (as pps have said) after 35 there isn't much point in drawing out the 'relationship but separate houses' thing forever (unless the intent is literally to live alone forever). You have some sense of people, life etc by then (and less time to waste).

Same here.

I've always wondered about the complete opposite to the OP's question which seems to be much more common: people who choose to stagnate in relationships for years or even decades, that don't go anywhere. Often the woman wants to progress things e.g. marriage but the guy has excuses for why he won't commit. I just could never live my life like that, handing over that much power to another person.

I think everyone is different and what works for some doesn’t for others.
I met my DH in my earlyish 20s and at the time had a very full life - great career, financial independence and brilliant social life. We drunk-met in a pub one night, were living together pretty much immediately, he proposed within a fortnight, married within a year and everyone thought we were crazy to have moved so fast. Not so crazy 26 years later when we’re still very together and happy and I’ve seen many more cautious relationships and marriages going to the wall.

Rybvita couldn’t agree more. I just wouldn’t put up with that nonsense.

Once you know yourself it shouldn't take eons to know whether there is potential with someone.

Disagree. If you know yourself at all you know you have the capacity to change, who I thought I was at 15 and 25 and 35 may well be completely different people. No reason to think 45 and 55 might not hold similar evolutions.

I take lifelong commitment seriously. I know that people and circumstances change all the time so I need to think through various scenarios before I commit. I also need to experience different scenarios with someone before I actually feel that yes, we're in it for the long haul.

I know that if I'd met DP at 15 or 25, we wouldn't still be together. I also know it took me at least five years to even commit, inwardly to myself, to him for the long haul. A lot of that wasn't because things had become logically any different but because of the life stuff we went through. I didn't just see who he was when everything was carefree but who we both were when the chips were down.

The beauty of this question is that it truly is different for every relationship though. I know people who've moved extraordinarily fast and while I can't imagine it at all, their relationships have been as solid as my more glacial approach to commitment.

Everyone is different. It can be a lot to do with ages and the types of people involved. I got married within 2 years of meeting my dh and we are blissfully happy, coming up to our 5 year anniversary.

With my first marriage we were together 10 years and married less than a year before we started to divorce

I've always wondered about the complete opposite to the OP's question which seems to be much more common: people who choose to stagnate in relationships for years or even decades, that don't go anywhere.

Guilty as charged. I woke up after quite a few years of being in a coma wondering what on earth I was doing. You just rub along, nothing is "terribly wrong" but you realise you are in a fog.

Why is it like that?
Is it wrong just to date, get to know a person and then decide to go serious?

My ex courted me, we spoke for quite a while, dated. He turned out to be a narcissistic cheating idiot. Yet we were friends before we dated, I'd known him years.

Current DP - Eyes across a room style meeting, instant attraction, slept with him within 3 days, 7 years later still together and happy.

There is no standard dating and relationship formula that is guaranteed to work. You can only go with what works for you. Its easy for life situations to catch you out if you think about relationships in such a generalised way.

I think some (and note, before anyone jumps on me I said some, not all) people are not at all happy, content and secure within themselves and they think any relationship is better than being being single. You see it here all the time, people in utterly awful relationships clinging on to them because they ‘couldn’t cope’ being alone etc. People like this who rush into relationships inevitably end up in crap ones, IMO.

People like this who rush into relationships inevitably end up in crap ones, IMO.

Very good point, and some people just never seem to learn from the past mistakes, fail to recognise red flags or off behaviour and history repeats itself again and again.

A relationship isn't stagnant or dead-end because it hasn't 'progressed' to marriage, children etc. Sometimes that is not what people want with any partner.

The idea that marriage is progress is part of what pushes some people into it too hastily.

It depends what is meant by 'very quickly' ?

I have met guys who told me straight off the bat that they 'wanted to get into a sexual relationship quickly' - next !

I think some people have a fear of being alone, or one of being single, or both.