Why some people jump into marriage/relationship very quickly?

[Inexperiencedchick]

Why is it like that?

Is it wrong just to date, get to know a person and then decide to go serious?

@Sniv

A relationship isn't stagnant or dead-end because it hasn't 'progressed' to marriage, children etc. Sometimes that is not what people want with any partner.

The idea that marriage is progress is part of what pushes some people into it too hastily.

100%. Marriage isn’t the be all and end all for everyone.

This happens only in that case where people get overexcited about his/her relationship. Overexcitement always leads to a wrong way. So we should control our excitement and emotion before taking any decision of our life.

It's personal choice and experience. I met DH a week after my 18th birthday and we were married within a year. I wasn't looking for a relationship and neither was he but we work. A short relationship before marriage doesn't work for everyone but we knew we wanted to marry each other.

IME people who aren't interested in marriage or who couldn't possibly entertain the idea that one day they may love someone have had bad experiences in former relationships and are protecting themselves from hurt. Bitterness doesn't bring happiness

I agree with sniv.post divorce I am in a happy relationship of some years but it will be a minimum of a decade til my kids leave home that I might consider living together. its not compulsory to 'progress' beyond whatever stage you want to. I like the fact that we only see each other when we want to, we do nice things together, not argue over the bins. I think too many people still hold the view that you should go from dating to cohabiting or marriage and it's somehow wasting time or wrong if you don't.

IME people who aren't interested in marriage or who couldn't possibly entertain the idea that one day they may love someone have had bad experiences in former relationships and are protecting themselves from hurt. Bitterness doesn't bring happiness

Ffs. Is it so hard to grasp that different people want different things from life?

^posted too soon.

Different people want different things without some awful back story of damage, hurt and bitterness.

Many seem to think you need to be in a relationship at all times. Lots just want their big day and don’t think about the actual commitment that is being made. Others want a baby or the finances of the other person.

I think there is a lot of rushing into living together particularly amongst those without great well paid jobs is due to money sadly- the lure of one lot of rent and bills is often a big one , I know quite a few single mums too who admit they rushed things with guys partly because of money pressures, which they thought would ease.

I dont think it really matters if you want to go quickly or slowly, you just have to find someone who wants the same as you. I dated a guy who was desperate to settle down and have a house in the suburbs. He was in his late 30s and thought time was running out. I wanted a relationship more like the one @HugeAckmansWife describes, separate houses, seeing each other to do fun things, spending a long time just getting to know each other. We broke up, he met someone else and within 3 months they were living together because she was equally desperate to settle down. It works for them, it wouldn't work for me.

Too much too soon is often a red flag - I think people do rush into domestic life together too quickly sometimes. I don't see the allure of hurrying to wash some guy's socks.

Thank you for so many posts and feedback.

It took 10 years for my husband to want to get married and have kids. He just wasn’t bothered and I pushed it. In hindsight that reluctance/laziness/detachment should have been a big red flag and I should have left. I even bought my own engagement ring and wedding ring. If you meet someone you click with and who is on the same page then go for it!

'He just wasn’t bothered and I pushed it. In hindsight that reluctance/laziness/detachment should have been a big red flag and I should have left. I even bought my own engagement ring and wedding ring.'

Glad I'm not the only one who didn't see a glaring red flag !