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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I wasnt invited to the party [sad]

34 replies

mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 08:09

Just found out yesterday that my friend had a girlie birthday drinks party last week and I wasn't invited sob

All the mums were talking about it being a great party.

Our kids are big friends at school and are always at each others' houses etc
Am hurt. I know I havent offended her.
Am now left wondering am I awful person?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 07/12/2006 08:10

I'd be upset too

but I'd assume it was some kind of mistake?

maybe she's wondering why you didn't show?

Original poster
mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 08:14

Thanks twiglett, but she is one of these super efficient/super confident types. I am sure she didint forget to ask me.
Wouldnt mind but only last week I had her entire family round for tea.

OP posts:
mancmum · 07/12/2006 08:20

I think as this obvously hurts, you should ask her... just say you had heard she had had a party and wanted to know if you had done anything to stop an invite... given you spend so much time together, you need to open this conversation up to make sure it does not fester her behaviour sould not have you questioning yourself that is awful!

WonderCod · 07/12/2006 08:22

do you knwo i have a lto of parties

I always invite people
BIy fo they dont coem adn dont tell me why arent OR they never invite me back
i dont invite them again

fairyjay · 07/12/2006 08:22

Maybe start a conversation along the lines of 'Did you enjoy your party last week?', because unless she is made of solid stone, she will have to offer you some explanation of why you weren't included.

Sad for you

WonderCod · 07/12/2006 08:25

THats so rude to do that
NO dont
id invite her to yours in returna dn confuse her wiht kindness

brimfull · 07/12/2006 08:25

I would be hurt aswell,surely she realises that everyone is talking about the night in front of you.
Either she doesn't care about your feelings or there's been a communication problem.
Have you asked any of the others about the night,ie how many were there?Maybe it was an impromptu thing.

StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 07/12/2006 08:56

Maybe she did invite you but it got lost in the post? I would ask her - don't challenge her, but just say that you were surprised and hurt.

ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 07/12/2006 09:06

Do say something casual. It took me 3 months to find out that one of my friends was in a huff because her dd hadn't been invited to ds1's party but everyone else had. The invite clearly got lost in the post, but she thought (and acted) as if I had personally insulted her. I'd even been including her dd in the numbers for the day as although I hadn't had an RSVP, I don't always get an RSVP IYSWIM. Don't assume the worst.

HuwEdwards · 07/12/2006 09:29

I wouldn't ask her, I just couldn't, it would for me, appear to be too desparate. Neither would I invite her to mine either. But, I would be super friendly to her just to confuse/embarass her.

Chloewhitechristmas · 07/12/2006 09:30

God I wouldn't dare ask her, I'd be too embarrassed. Surely if it was a mistake then she would ask you why you didn't show. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but, if you like her, then I would ask her over for drinks at your house at some point to build on your friendship.

wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 07/12/2006 09:34

If it was a close friend I would be upset, but I agree with Cod, it's rude to ask someone why you haven't been invited to a party - she may have any number of reasons for not doing so and none of them might be personal against you.

People don't have to justify who they do/don't invite to their parties - but I do sympathise and understand why you are upset

Original poster
mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 10:57

Cod confusing people with kindness is what I usually do but I am getting sick of doing that tbh.
In fact, I was just saying to dh at weekend we are always the ones that people ask favours
'could you pick up x from school for me?
'would you mind helping me with this?',
'can we all come to yours instead?' etc

Am sick of being niceMrsNoah!

She was invited to our party this year.

Oh God I could NEVER ask her directly why I wasnt invited it would be too bold!!

But at the same time the 7 year old in me wants to sulk, stamp my foot and ignore her now . It would be so hard to grit my teeth and be nicey nicey!

Dont you ever get sick of being really nice to everyone all the flippin time?

Am fed up of being niceMrsNoah!!

Maybe MrsNoah should become a bit 'ard ?

OP posts:
brimfull · 07/12/2006 10:59

I'm in one of those moods today mrsnoah.
Fed up doing thankless tasks for people.
sod'em I say

Original poster
mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 10:59

Oh now am ashamed for huge self pitying episode so sorry all.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 11:00

Hmm ggirl, lets be bitches for a day!

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 11:00

Ps It wasnt impromptu it was big lavish and lovely and they were all talking about it!!!!!!

OP posts:
Chloewhitechristmas · 07/12/2006 11:37

There you go being nice Mrsnoah again! Don't apologise for having a rant on here. I think even thick-skinned people would be upset about not getting an invite to somewhere for no obvious reason.

I have a friend who always goes out of her way for people all the time - most people appreciate it but there are a few who don't so I guess you just have try and use your judgement and at the end of the day ask yourself, if I was stuck would she do pick my kids up? Would she babysit in an hour of need? Would she give me a lift if I needed one? If the answer is no then you need to learn to say no to them It's hard though if you are just genuinely a nice, helpful person but it obviously pisses you off so I guess you need to change things slightly.

Chloewhitechristmas · 07/12/2006 11:37

There you go being nice Mrsnoah again! Don't apologise for having a rant on here. I think even thick-skinned people would be upset about not getting an invite to somewhere for no obvious reason.

I have a friend who always goes out of her way for people all the time - most people appreciate it but there are a few who don't so I guess you just have try and use your judgement and at the end of the day ask yourself, if I was stuck would she do pick my kids up? Would she babysit in an hour of need? Would she give me a lift if I needed one? If the answer is no then you need to learn to say no to them It's hard though if you are just genuinely a nice, helpful person but it obviously pisses you off so I guess you need to change things slightly.

Chloewhitechristmas · 07/12/2006 11:39

There you go being nice Mrsnoah again! Don't apologise for having a rant on here. I think even thick-skinned people would be upset about not getting an invite to somewhere for no obvious reason.

I have a friend who always goes out of her way for people all the time - most people appreciate it but there are a few who don't so I guess you just have try and use your judgement and at the end of the day ask yourself, if I was stuck would she pick my kids up? Would she babysit in an hour of need? Would she give me a lift if I needed one? If the answer is no then you need to learn to say no to them It's hard though if you are just genuinely a nice, helpful person but it obviously pisses you off so I guess you need to change things slightly.

Chloewhitechristmas · 07/12/2006 11:40

oops!

Original poster
mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 12:11

Thanks Chloe.
Thats made me smile
I think i have become a rather dull person on the outside.
Maybe thats why.

OP posts:
yulemoonfiend · 07/12/2006 12:13

poor mrsnoah - i think that sucks.

Many years ago when I had just given birth to ds2, this happened to me - huge lavish party which i wasn't invited to, despite all our friends being asked and then everyone discussing it in front of me - even emailing fecking pictures of the night to me. . I was hormonal enough to blurt out to the girl ''how come i wasn't invited to your 30th?'' she looked at me in horror and said it had never occured to her that i would come as she knew the party was on my due date and figured either I would be in labour or would have just had baby...well yes but!!
I now now make a point of sending an invite to people even if i know for a fact they wouldn't be able to come - otherwise it is just so hurtful.

Chloewhitechristmas · 07/12/2006 12:16

I'm sure that's not true at all, her non-invitation has knocked your confidence a bit - pick yourself and dust yourself off, sod her. Give a mate a call and arrange a night out or get dh to take you out, get a friend who will babysit for you, after all no doubt you can think of someone you have done countless favours for recently

mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 12:23

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