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Original poster

DP has walked out - how best to cope with the children

78 replies

ditherydora · 03/11/2015 23:31

my "D" P left this morning after a row. He said I would not see him again and neither would the DDs - who are 8 and 4. I have no particular reason not to believe him. I probably should have name changed but I have had too much Wine to care.

So, if he has gone for good, how do I minimise the fall out for the kids. The youngest wont be that bothered, I think, but DD1 adores her dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 01:35

actually someone else was trying to call him and it rang in the house. Now the lack of sleep is probably getting to me. maybe it was set up like that anyway.

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 06/11/2015 01:54

Are you absolutely sure he's left his job just by resigning? I wouldn't think you would get anything even if you signed on after voluntarily leaving. Agree with Delphinium that it sounds like something already in the offing. Could he have been either sacked or given a redundancy or similar payment that he's hiding?

Also, ask your phone company if you can block the call forwarding somehow. Good luck with it all. Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 06/11/2015 02:13

Just read the thread. You're doing amazingly well!

As far as the phone, if you get a call just say "No, XXX doesn't live at this number. No, I have no way of getting in touch with him".

0ctavia · 06/11/2015 08:00

Did he leave his job without notice ? that's a rather foolish thing to do if you want a reference and any outstanding pay you are due .

I don't know much about benefits, but surely he will get nothing for the first month and will have problems thereaftre as he quit his job .

I'm beginning to wonder if he has in fact set this up well in advance .

Is there anyone sympathetic at his work that you could talk to ? I know they can't tell you anything confidential but perhaps they would say if he worked his notice .

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/11/2015 08:10

Ah. I thought he was forwarding only of ot is you. As you say perhaps it was always like that.

Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 10:14

As things move on I am not sure he has quit. Because of the way things are set up he could have pretty much left immediately but I think maybe he hasn't followed it through. Or changed his mind. I don't want to say too much but it still would leave him with options. He certainly isn't hiding money from me.I am also fairly certain he hadn't been let go. Other people had but his role was kind of critical.

Consensus among my friends and family is that he is either cooling down still or is having some kind of breakdown. They are all incredulous that he wouldnt want to see the kids again. I hope they are right

OP posts:
Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 10:29

It is actually quite possible that he has wanted to leave for a while and this was just the catalyst.

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 06/11/2015 11:04

Hey Dora how you doing today. Any more news from Man Child. He sounds like my ex. Could write pages on him and he did have a mental breakdown. Are you managing to eat a bit? How are the kids?

Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 11:20

I am not that great really. No news.

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 06/11/2015 12:46

Bless you, try and take care of yourself. Try and find something to keep you busy this weekend

Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 12:54

Thanks. I actually have lovely friends coming for dinner anyway including P's best friend. He isn't responding to her either.

On the plus side I have lost 2lbs in 4 days!

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 06/11/2015 12:59

That is good you have friends coming over. Think I drove my friends a bit nuts in the early days. So am I thinking his mobile is diverting to your house phone?

AcrossthePond55 · 06/11/2015 13:10

I'm glad you'll have friends around.

I think you need to decide what you want. It's not good for you nor healthy for the children to have a man in your lives who walks out when things aren't 100% his way. Rather like living with the Sword of Damocles, no?

Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 13:21

Yes, his mobile is diverting to the house phone. Could be because the battery is flat. Or he may have done it before or just now. It was his work number but he may have a new number.

Across - it has been a bit of a recurring theme but he had been much better recently. He has always said in the past that he doesn't mean it and just needs to cool off but he was very clear this time that he didn't want to be with me anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 13:26

Blossom - would you be able to share a bit about your experience with your ex. Did he have a breakdown after he left?

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 06/11/2015 13:36

Dora My ex is Bi polar but refuses to except it. He had a serious breakdown when we were together, MH team were here every day, it was exhausting. I threw him out 2 years ago because he was being a terrible dad to our 13 year old, it was the straw that broke the camels back. He would say terrible things when on a low, would dissappear. Not saying it is the same with your P but atleast you would know what you are dealing with.

Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 14:38

God, that sounds really difficult. Good to hear that you are now past that.

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 06/11/2015 14:43

Dora It was and I was heart broken, as we were tog 22 years and soul mates but just could not live like that. Took me some time to get over things, we are still very close and still struggle with it. But out on the dating scene and enjoying life. I think your P will be in touch soon and then you will know one way or the other.

WaitrosePigeon · 06/11/2015 14:44

Hi Dora, I've been following this as its unfolded. What a bastard and what a horrible situation you are in. Being in limbo must be exhausting.

Have you eaten today? I know you must feel sick as a dog but even some toast and a sweet cup of tea Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 06/11/2015 15:07

I hope I don't sound mean, but if he's decided that he's done then it's probably all to the good. But the redirecting the phone doesn't sound like someone who's not planning on coming back. Why have you get his calls if he's not planning at some time to pick up the messages? Unless he's so cruel he's just doing it to hurt you & keeping you hoping it means he'll come back.

My ex used to threaten to leave whenever I disagreed with him. It was his 'modus operandi' to keep me in line. I can't express the relief I felt when the last time he said it, I agreed and told him to leave. It was such a weight off my shoulders.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/11/2015 19:53

across mine did exactly the same. And I did the same as you. There's not a lot they can say when after ages of threatening to go thry find you are holding the door open for themGrin

IonaNE · 06/11/2015 21:46

OP, you need to phone his line manager at work and find out whether he has quit. You can't be kept hanging re. this. Tell his boss that he has told you he has quit. If it's not the case, let him explain your phoe call to his boss himself.

Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 22:00

thanks everyone, an update. I managed to get hold of him on the phone (it had defaulted to the home phone when the charge died). With a bit of persuasion he spoke to the kids so I feel a huge relief about that. He is hopefully going to see them at some point at the weekend. I can't believe what a difference that has made to how I feel.

he is moving back in any time soon as he has found somewhere else to live - not sure where - and tbh I wouldn't want him to anyway. But at least we are in contact.

He is also still working, i think they threw the book at him in terms of his notice period, from what he said.

So, I am still a single parent but at least we are in contact and he hasn't shut out the kids entirely.

OP posts:
Original poster
ditherydora · 06/11/2015 22:20

Argh

*isn't moving back in any time soon...

OP posts:
Im0gen · 06/11/2015 23:07

How do you feel about it Dora ?

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