I'm too timid & afraid to tell my boss to STOP touching me!! :(

[savemethelastbrownie]

Hey...not sure how to start this.

I better not say too much as don't want to be recognised. Basically I am being touched at work and need ideas about what to say to get him to stop. I am no good at confrontation and can't lose this job til I get another one as my financial situation is dire. I've tried telling him I don't want to be touched but he doesn't take me seriously.

What are good things to say to stop unwanted attention?

When I say touching, I mean he'll start rubbing my back, he'll smack me on my bum, he tries to put his hands on my thighs, he tries to pull me down to sit on his lap. Stands really close behind me, is always trying to get me to hug him.

Thanks

I'm sooooo glad your family are supporting and helping you with this.
No doubt it was hard but well done for telling people.
Please let your mum give him a piece of her mind.
He needs to know he's a sleazy perv.
Here's to a better future for you.
Well done!

I'm probably being unreasonable, but I can't help hoping your mum might tell him the police have been informed - whether they have or not

There's just a certain appeal in thinking of this bastard losing a few nights' sleep waiting for them to contact him

I'm very relieved and feel more like myself again. Looking back, everytime I was there and he did this I felt so sleazy and dirty, as if I was carrying all this horrible shame around.

uglyswan that is exactly it, I'm not that person - the person who can confront people and be assertive. My mum is and she will definitely have a go at him, she's more than happy to do that. I feel worried on one hand but in another way I feel like he shouldn't get away with it.

Hmm yes if he believed the police were involved it would certainly worry him, I'll see what she plans to say. I must thank you all (once again!) as I honestly wouldn't have acted without all the supportive messages last night that made me realise what he was doing was completely unacceptable and it couldn't go on.

Well done for getting out and speaking out to your family. There is no shame to feel. This is HIM being in the wrong. You are a victim in all this. I would write down everything you can remember about what he did and when (with specific examples if you recall them) and write down any times anyone else witnessed it. If it is written down now whilst in your head you can decide if you want to report it to the police in a few days when your head is clearer. Hope you find another job with a good environment fast.

Good for you!

OP, just thought I'd post a link to a news report of a similar situation. I would consider going to the police, he's possibly done this before or will do this again in the future to someone else, it was the multiple unrelated reports to the police that secured this conviction.

Thanks Djelibeyb and RiceCrispieTreats - and OMG that article! What a creep! :( I understand what you're saying and yes, its the persistent logging of incidents that helps build a case.
Ok I'll go and speak to someone in my local station tomorrow, as the last thing I want is know I'm responsible for causing another woman to go through this when I could've stopped it.

now get yourself a solicitor and claim for constructive dismissal/sexual harassment.

Well done OP for leaving and speaking to family. I had a similar issue at 16 years old in my first Job, The overall Manager was unprofessional and if I had reported he would have just said 'What's this I hear about Jayne, pack it in' - as if that would have worked!

I actually put up with it for over 4 years as not at all brave, then the business was sold and another employee reported witnessing it.

I hope you manage to get another job quickly.

Good for you!

I just want to remind you of a few things:

1. He knew exactly what he was doing.
2. You had no idea what he was doing as you are a normal person who wouldn't dream of doing this to another person.
3. It is not your fault he did this. You were simply there. Wrong place wrong time.
4. It is not your fault it took you a while to work out what he was doing. Abuse works for the abuser because the victim is normal and would rather believe the abuser is doing things by accident or that they are just flirty. It is a natural human reaction to not realise what is happening until you are well entrenched in it and might then feel you have allowed it to happen. You did not allow him to do this to you. You were just behaving like a normal person. He was behaving abnormally.
5. You have possibly been conditioned to accept this behaviour and perhaps even to blame yourself for it by previous abuse you mentioned. I would seek out some therapy to ease your mind and free yourself from this sort of self-doubt. It works wonders but can take a while: stick at it.
6. Speak to your GP about some help re. counselling or find someone privately if you can afford it.
7. You are brave and you can do it: go to the police and file a complaint and then sue his arse.