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Original poster

His house for our fourth date?

36 replies

SanDiegoSunsets · 02/11/2015 20:52

I've been on a couple of dates in the last 2 weeks. He seems really nice. He's been very sweet and gentlemanly so far. He's suggested a take away at his for our fourth date. I'd quite like to see where he lives, get to know him a bit better, but I have no intention of rushing into anything. Do I accept and tell him straight: no funny business; or arrange another meal out and leave the movie night for when we know each other a bit better?

OP posts:
HuckfromScandal · 02/11/2015 20:55

It really depends on what you feel comfortable with!
At date 4 I would be happy with that, but it depends entirely on you.

I have just had a first date, and we spent 11 hours together, and I suspect we will sleep together on the 2nd date. But for the past 3 weeks we have been talking and texting daily, so the level of comfort was already there. And it's what I feel comfortable with.

HuckfromScandal · 02/11/2015 20:55

And chronic overuse of the word "comfort"

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 02/11/2015 21:05

I went to DPs house for takeaway as a 3rd date. There was funny business but then there was funny business on date 1 too but it was mutual. I'm sure it wasn't the entire reason for it.

ALaughAMinute · 02/11/2015 21:05

If you're not ready to sleep with him then don't accept an invitation to his house.

Suggest something else and if he's the gentleman you say he is he will understand.

Original poster
SanDiegoSunsets · 02/11/2015 21:13

Lol, glad you're feeling comfortable Huck ;)

I think it's a slight feeling of vulnerability being in his house rather than out somewhere neutral. But if he's a decent guy he'll respect that and not push for anything I'm not comfortable with...

OP posts:
Original poster
SanDiegoSunsets · 02/11/2015 21:14

Does his house definitely mean he's thinking we'll sleep together? Maybe I'll stick with the restaurant idea then!

OP posts:
LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 02/11/2015 21:17

I think his house means he's definitely hoping for some luuurve.

If you are not ready then it might be easier to suggest you stick to public places for the time being.

But to be honest if you don't want to shag him by the fourth date then you probably don't want to shag him full stop.

Seeyounearertime · 02/11/2015 21:18

I hope this isn't what Come Dine With Mes like on the fourth night! :)

I'd go peronally, doubt I'd lay it on the line as it were, if he made a move I'd just pull away and say no thanks. But that's me.

noclueses · 02/11/2015 21:19

he may just want to get closer in private and start kissing if you haven't done it, rather than expect a full on sex session! Just say something like 'I like to take things slowly so if you are fine with that, I'll come over'.

ALaughAMinute · 02/11/2015 21:20

An invitation to his house almost definitely means he wants to sleep with you. Don't put yourself in a vulnerable position. You can have sex with him - as and when you are ready. Be assertive!

Hissy · 02/11/2015 21:26

I Disagree. 3rd date I met him at his before the cinema, 4th he met me at mine.

I do fancy him, but I'm in no rush, and neither is he. 4th/5th whatever date, it's still very early days. I'm fairly sure he feels the same.

I could stand corrected, but it's about how you both feel I think.

ProfessorPickles · 02/11/2015 21:30

I would go if it was me in this position, aslong as I trusted him and felt comfortable.
If you don't want sex then that's your choice so if he tried anything just politely decline. He might have no intention to try anything and just want a change from going out. Drop into conversation that you've booked a taxi/arranged a lift for example so he doesn't have ideas about you stopping over maybe?

iwantgin · 02/11/2015 21:32

I went to (now) DH house on our 3Rd date. I went to his house, we then went for a walk, then back to his for a coffee.

Many of our subsequent dates were at his or my house but no sex for a good few weeks

It doesn't have to mean that it is on the cards, but if if is and you both want it then go for e it.

Itisbetternow · 02/11/2015 21:37

I went back after meal on third date. Had coffee then kissed then I went home. Bless him he had even made the spare bed up for me. Forth date I stayed the night :-) I felt comfortable by then so it felt right. Go with how you feel.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 02/11/2015 21:38

Hissy are you saying I am fast? Grin I am

RiceCrispieTreats · 02/11/2015 21:39

At his house means he certainly hopes there will be sex and is setting the scene for it to be a possibility.

If it's making you uncomfortable enough to start a thread about it, then just suggest another location for the date.

Yes, you can always say no if he starts putting the moves on when you're at his, but if you already know the location makes you nervous, why put yourself through that?

Muckogy · 02/11/2015 21:59

nah- i would stay well clear of his house until a later date.
if he really likes you, then he should be able to put in the time on 'proper' dates out and about.

to me: 'lets eat/hang out/watch netflix at my place' = sex. no 2 ways about it. it just does.
if that's what you want - great.
if no - not so great.

Hissy · 02/11/2015 22:12

Ha ha LeaveMyWings, not at all! My last boyf last year was date 3.. But that was another story. Didn't necessarily end too well either.

Even though the sex was absolutely out of body experience kinda good

Boozena · 02/11/2015 22:19

Maybe he is a bit skint and takeaway/films are a cheaper option for him?
If he is gentlemanly I'm sure he'd take it well if you said you'd rather take things steady.
Personally I wouldn't put it out there first as I would feel presumptuous (then slightly mortified if he had no intention of trying it on).

ittooshallpass · 02/11/2015 22:46

"But to be honest if you don't want to shag him by the fourth date then you probably don't want to shag him full stop."

Aw... that's not true... OP it's entirely up to you when/ if you DTD.

The fact you are asking opinions here says you aren't ready... yet... doesn't mean you won't be.

Go with what you feel happy with.

grobagsforever · 02/11/2015 22:57

Hmmmm. I'd make him cook!! Grin

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 03/11/2015 09:13

I can't imagine it's a financial move - takeaway is rarely any cheaper than eating out somewhere like Wagamama or a pub, where you can eat for £10 a head easily, so I think it's either, he wants to relax and have a bit of time to snog get to know you or he's thinking by date 4 he might get some action.

Either way, if you're not up for it then you can politely let him know that and his reaction will speak volumes, which means you learn about the kind of man he is.

Let's face it, he is far more likely to be a nice normal bloke (who may be a bit disappointed that he's not getting any, but will not show it) than anything else. If he isn't a nice normal bloke then most likely he's a complete twat bit pushy (in which case you found out before wasting any more time on him) rather than anything sinister (in which case, no matter how many dates you go on, he will always be a bit sinister and probably hide it well).

HorseyCool · 03/11/2015 11:42

I would say something along the lines of how much you fancy a Chinese/Indian at X restaurant now that he has mentioned a Take away, see how his reaction is?

If you don't want sex then don't go to his house, he may just be a home boy and want to chill at home with you but this does all seem a bit too cosy with not much effort for a 4th date tbh.

all that said I slept with my DH on the first night! been together a long time now and will give DC a completely different version of events....

donajimena · 03/11/2015 13:03

First proper date was at my OH house.. we were going out for the night but live in different towns so to go out and return home would have been expensive.
Let's just say I had given a myself a good bit of personal grooming before I went Grin
I was completely up for shagging though. If I had had any doubt I would not have agreed to the date.

HustleRussell · 03/11/2015 13:15

He's a man. Of course he is thinking sex.