What's wrong with me? Am I overreacting? Feel hurt

[Kiwiblue02]

I've been a complete mess recently. I need a smack in the face.

My partner and i have been together about 2 years now, living together with my daughter who's 2. Long story short, he always had this friend i was always uncomfortable with. He told me they dated for a week, didn't work and were just friends. I found out from his friends that actually... They have a weird dependant friendship where they were on/off on/off pretend it never happened til the next time. Will they wont they finally be official but never came to it. But for years. He admitted it to be true. I've never met her either and I always wanted to. Always an excuse not to be able to. She's a best friend but kept separate from everyone else. Always insisted platonic now, he doesn't wanna be with her but she's very important to him.

just last week, I found he had screenshotted pics of her on his phone of her, edited them to remove her friends and zoomed in on her. All posey, sexy photos. He also arranged to meet her soon and didn't tell me. I felt sick, seeing all these photos. When I confronted him about it... He put his hands up and cut ties immediately. His suggestion.

I should be happy he made that step and I am relieved. But last night (day after he cut ties) I got drunk (my little girl was at her mums) and upset about it all and said some horrible things such as I wish I never met you, which isn't true. Embaressed him as we were out with his friends. I feel terrible. But I think I'm still hurt from those photos. What's wrong with me?

Sorry stupid typo - my daughter was at my mums!! Not her mums! I'm her mum. Sorry lol

O Oh! Did you see the thread from Binders1 recently? May be worth AS ing it.

There is nothing wrong with you.
The problem is that you are in a relationship with a habitual liar and probable cheat. I suspect there is a lot more going on than he has admitted to. I wouldn't believe that he has cut ties for one second.
Best thing you could do is to ltb. If you don't you will be back here in the near future, having caught him out in some other lie. You deserve better.

@Kiwiblue02 I would be hurt too, he shouldn't have pictures of her on his phone, it's really not on! I can't really say what my next step would be, but I certainty wouldn't be happy with him.

having pictures of her is fine, pictures with other people photoshopped out, now that is not fine.

It all stopped being fine when he lied to you about the nature of their relationship. So from the beginning. You've been dealt a marked card.

Just from the information you give it seems like his offering to cut all ties with her is part of the normal pattern of their relationship.

He has already let her into your relationship, she will probably always be there, ghosting around in the background. You may never, ever feel comfortable about her.

All you can do is have a chat with him, tell him how his actions make you feel and that was at the root of your acting as you did. Then see how you feel about his reaction.

But, if I am honest, it all sounds like too much hassle and I just wouldn't want to live in such a stressed relationship.

I had a chat with him and said I'm still hurt. He said what else can he do now he's blocked her from communicating with him? I dunno. Guess all I can do is trust she'll stay blocked? Sorry if this sounds stupid but just a mess.

Damage has now been done, you cannot trust him, she will be back, there's a lot more to this than he has let on.

I'm afraid that would be it for me, I'd not be with him anymore.

Well, has he explained why he never let you meet her? Why he lied about shagging her? Why he did that to the photos?

I'd be interested to here how he justifies himself. Are you expected to just shut up about it now?

Said there was no reason for the photos and won't budge on it, there's nothing going on and he'll stop hanging out with her. Just like that.

I didn't realise that he has slept with her, once a cheat always a cheat you deserve a lot better, it is going to be hard to rebuild a relationship with a liar.

Kiwi I think there is more to this than he is letting on.

Please have a read of this thread. Binders was in a similar situation to you.

He hasn't cut ties with her. I would put money on that.

Just to clarify they haven't slept together while we have been together. That was before we met.

@Kiwiblue02 how do you know for sure he is telling the truth about that?

I don't. I still don't know why he screenshotted those photos. He doesn't know either. Lol...

Yes, absolutely you MUST read Binder's thread.

Dump the fucker. He is shagging her/wants to shag her. Not worth your time.

I still don't know why he screenshotted those photos. He doesn't know either.

He knows.

He doesn't know either.

Rubbish, if I may say so, he knows perfectly well. The man has deceived and lied to you. He does not respect you and his behaviour is very unlikely to change. Is that the sort of partner you want, OP?

He's obsessed with her. What he feels for you is irrelevant now. I'd leave x

There's nothing wrong with you: your trust has been broken, and it will take a while to mend, if it ever does.

The best possible outcome is that your partner accepts your feelings, keeps her cut out of his life, continues to do things that build your trust in him, and that you come to trust him again in time. This will take time and effort from both sides, of course.

I suppose he 'doesn't know' why he never let you meet her.

And he 'doesn't know' why he lied about his relationship with her too.

Useful phrase, huh.

I'm worried that even though he's blocked her on all communication, he did it without even telling her. Just blocked her and that's it, no explanation to her. She might contact him anyway though I don't know how if he's blocked her from it.