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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It all started with a Facebook add...

33 replies

LiarsRus · 28/10/2015 16:48

Namechanged

I have been seeing my boyfriend for 7 months. I have been hurt a ton of times in the past so usually have my guard up and have quite a..."suspicious personality".

I noticed that my new man has added a girl that he has no mutual friends with. The only reason my attention was drawn was because of the photo of her in her profile picture. Photo was a little like a glamour shot.

I asked BF how he knew her. He denied adding her so instantly my back was up. Why lie? He has clearly become friends on FB with her.

Denied denied, then just said it was "a stupid add", what does this even mean?

He promised and promised there was nothing in it, never spoken to her and deleted his FB to "prove" to me there is nothing going on. Then added that he had added her as a friend before we even got together - mixed messages here. (she was in his mutual friends and it came up in my news feed so was recent).

I couldn't let it lie and messaged the girl I know im crazy

Please see photo's below (I'm in the blue) I am so confused. after these messages she blocked me

It all started with a Facebook add...
It all started with a Facebook add...
It all started with a Facebook add...
OP posts:
Original poster
LiarsRus · 28/10/2015 16:49

These are the remaining texts

It all started with a Facebook add...
It all started with a Facebook add...
It all started with a Facebook add...
OP posts:
Original poster
LiarsRus · 28/10/2015 16:50

And the spelling is awful because I was angry typing!

OP posts:
Original poster
LiarsRus · 28/10/2015 16:53

Just found out she didn't block me (friend searched for her and she had disappeared on her FB too, now she has returned with a brand new profile which makes me think the hack story could be real)

OP posts:
dontaskdonttell · 28/10/2015 16:55

So do you think your boyfriend was messaging a woman who is now claiming to have been hacked, so the actual person doesn't know your DP at all?

If that's the case, then they can't have actually met in person can they?

Muddlewitch · 28/10/2015 16:57

I've no idea about the girl but it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to be honest. How are things apart from this?

Have you spoken to the girl now?

Original poster
LiarsRus · 28/10/2015 16:58

I have absolutely no idea what I think if I am honest!

OP posts:
Original poster
LiarsRus · 28/10/2015 16:59

Not since the texts, the relationship is ok, It's me thats the fruit loop

OP posts:
dontaskdonttell · 28/10/2015 17:00

I think all you can do is talk to him and show him the messages, his reaction will tell you a lot.

Seeyounearertime · 28/10/2015 17:02

Ur BF added a hot girl on FB because he likes her looks.
He then evidently messaged her.
He then denied all knowledge.
Then kind of admitted it.
Then said it was before you.

That's enough in itself to call him a lying toad.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 28/10/2015 17:03

Honestly, I know you've been hurt in the past but messaging a random woman and asking "why did my boyfriend add u" is just OTT. If you don't trust him, leave. If you have reason not to trust him (because he's randomly adding hot girls on FB, either because he wants to get to know them or wants cyber sex / nudes), then leave.

Don't do this to yourself. And get out of this suspicious cycle - go find a decent bloke.

Shameandregret · 28/10/2015 17:04

I would say you need to be single and sort your head out. It is NOT normal to be this paranoid within a relationship.

I get you might have trust issues/been hurt in the past etc but you don't sound like you should be with someone now.

Original poster
LiarsRus · 28/10/2015 17:09

I wouldn't have messaged her had he not been so evasive and blatantly lying. I dont know, I feel really let down, I thought he was one of the good ones

OP posts:
OddlyLogical · 28/10/2015 17:17

I agree with goodnight
Whether or not her FB has been hacked is irrelevant.
There is no trust in your relationship so you have no relationship.
Walk away.

Garlick · 28/10/2015 17:21

This is ALL weird! Who were the final messages on the third picture from/to?
Was somebody else in the thread?

Original poster
LiarsRus · 28/10/2015 17:22

Exactly Garlick, thats what confuses me!

OP posts:
APlaceOnTheCouch · 28/10/2015 17:27

Way too much grief for a 7 month relationship. You didn't achieve anything with those messages and if you need a stranger on fb to reassure you about your bf then you don't really have a relationship.

Garlick · 28/10/2015 17:27

So she said "I am [her name] ... I have no idea who is answering you on this [your name] ... Not you [your name]"?

If that's right, she's saying she didn't type some of the replies you saw.

I've got to say, anything this convoluted would have me out of that relationship now.

As Seeyou says, he added her and then lied twice about it. He's not one of the good ones after all.

Garlick · 28/10/2015 17:29

But I'm sure you had some very good times in those seven months! Enjoy the nice memories, chalk it up to experience, and kick back for a while Wine

Tallyloolah · 28/10/2015 17:31

So your bf adds a random girl on FB and you sit there and harrass her into answering your questions when its him who you need to be asking what is going on, leave that woman alone.

Lelania · 28/10/2015 17:43

I would have told you to fuck off if I was that women, whether or not your boyfriend had messaged me.

BojackHorseman · 28/10/2015 17:45

For your boyfriends sake please leave him, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.

FudgeLoverYum · 28/10/2015 21:20

There is no trust, that makes for a very bad relationship. Whatever happened it sounds very fucked up, his lying and you needing to communicate with this woman and chase up his answers.

Robotgirl · 28/10/2015 22:23

Oh hooray. Another Facebook-based post. What were we all doing before Facebook? Not doing socially acceptable stalking & spying on others, that's what.

LookAtMeGo · 28/10/2015 22:28

The fact that he deleted Facebook is a big fat red flag. Why would you do that if you weren't doing anything wrong?Confused

fastdaytears · 28/10/2015 22:33

Is there a quota for FB-message-to-OW-threads? Will there be one a night?

This won't end well. Don't be messaging her. Honestly I really doubt her FB has been hacked but you need to focus on your DP not this crazy FB girl. What has her mates being single got to do with the price of fish? Don't ring her FGS. No good can come of that.

Do you think this is paranoia? Has there been anything else to make you suspicious?

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