Confidence about appearance goes as soon as I begin to develop feelings...

[yessugar]

Can anyone help with this?

I've been online dating/been set up with friends for the last 6 months. I've been on lots of dates and only one so far hasn't contacted me again to ask to go out again...so I know I have no reason to lack confidence in this context. But I do.

I've just met someone wonderful, but I can't get it out of my head that he's much, much better looking than me and will therefore go off me or 'realise I'm not that attractive' on closer inspection.

I really like this person and I don't want to mess it up.

Noclueses Ive gone from a size 28 down to a 14 and believe me men DO treat you differently based on how you look. Folk Girl has posted about that dickhead before and he was a misogynist who actually craned his neck to the point of nerve damage to ogle a younger woman while they were out in the car. His behaviour is not FolkGirls fault.

Im married so not dating but i can give two examples of being asked out. Im 42 and got asked out by a 21 year old and a 59 year old in the past year.

It was the 21 year old who took no for an answer and was incredibly polite about it.

But on the 3 or 4 occasions since that ive bumped into the older one in the supermarket in the last year he has kept asking. Last time he reached over and stroked my arm. Now i dont think im really giving off a vibe while pushing a trolley around.

The only vibe i may be giving off is that im a bit more confident due to losing weight i guess.

The worst thing is, Helena is that the craning neck in the car man was not the same man as "you look beautiful when you smile..." man.

The examples I cited above were the few that came to mind, but were from a range of men, not just the one or two!

I would accept I'd been unlucky if these were many experiences from one man, but no. It's been all of them and is why I'm single.

I'm getting good at dumping and detaching though...

Jesus wept Folk thats bloody awful.

These knobs dont deserve you.

Helena, I didn't say looks don't matter to men, as Cheers said and I agree men have certain types they are attracted too (especially where size is concerned - yes, 28 is on the extreme side but quite a nummber of men would be attarcted to an 18 as opposed to slim). I was arguing the point about men only being attracted to much younger women. A lot of men are in loyal relationships with women same age and somewhat older (yes, rare if a much older woman).
And yes, the confidence and 'not bothered about his opinion' vibe is exactly what attracts lots of men, I wasn't talking about any overt flirting. Women who were knocked back a lot, often lack this understandably.

Looks matter to women too, Helena - i.e. which types you are attracted too, not many women would be attracted to a 28 size man as opposed to medium/average. Again ourely physically I'm sure women of 40 prefer a toned younger man look to a man of 45-50 who isn't exrecising, but it's not a priority for a relationship for most, and really same goes to men.

But Folk's man is a twat of extreme order being so blatant and also SO hung up on it. Did he realy think she'll put up with it? breathtaking arrogance! I wonder if self-centred, emotionally very immature men somehow attract you, Folk, whatever their background/interests, and that's why you were unlucky? Or are they vain lookers themselves and want a match?

Google the actor Chris Larkin. Thats the type im attracted too Ive never been attracted to "conventionally" good looking men.

Btw Im 42 and my DH is 65 23 years my senior Other relationships have been with someone 21 years older than me and someone 17 years older.

I have usually preferred older men. Younger men dont interest me at all.

I like a bloke to look a bit more "lived in"