Give me some feasible reasons before I start overthinking

[slightlyinsane]

I'm after some feasible reasons why my husband deletes some of his messages. I'm not a phone checker before we get started. A couple of weeks ago I got a look at my husbands iPad, I took (wrestled) it off the kids and in the process it ended up on the screen that shows you your page history and I noticed a message from a female work colleague, I didn't go into it to read it can't even remember what it said. Just thought it was odd that it seemed an overly friendly reply from her.
Fast forward to today and again I removed said iPad from kids clutches and noticed he'd deleted the message. I can't think why he would do that, he wasn't having a clear out as he's got alsorts of irrelevant rubbish still on there going back months.
Can you give me sensible reasons why he'd do that????
Just for info he's overly protective of his phone and iPad, usually keeps them on him or tucked away, I don't know his passwords, (it would appear one of the kids do though )

So this isn't the first time he has had an affair and denied it?

I would keep quiet and stay aware.

If your senses are tingling they are worth listening to, but until you know something is up for sure you can't say anything as you will look like the bad guy or he will talk you put of it. So sorry.

What if you find something and he explains it away ?

Eg we were just chatting about work , planning a work project , I'm supporting her because she's depressed ,you are reading too much into it, you are paranoid

I think you need to watch and wait op, mind numbingly horrible to do though. I think if you say anything now he will just hide it. Listen to your gut instinct.

Rabbit, as far as I'm aware he's not had an affair before. I've had doubts about how close he's been with people from work before but I don't think it ever came to anything.
Blood, communication doesn't happen, there's so many days where I'll ask him about his day or meeting was and I'll get a one word answer. None of the important things get discussed, if things need doing or decisions need to be made I'll end up just doing it to save an argument. I can't ask him to do anything without being accused of nagging him, I've given up giving a shit about a lot of stuff.

You sounds very unhappy . How long do you want to go on living like this ?

Just read through this thread and your last post makes me feel so sad slightlyinsane. You shouldn't have to stay in a marriage where you aren't being valued. Have you thought about the future, do you see yourself as happy with this man in 5/10 years?

Re knowing a partners phone code, I just think how ridiculous would it be in an emergency not to be able to use your partners phone if you needed too. Of course you should know the code for that reason alone.

I just think how ridiculous would it be in an emergency not to be able to use your partners phone if you needed too. Of course you should know the code for that reason alone

This^^

Also I don't understand why people are so attached to "their" phone/iPad. If I want to look at something but my iPad is upstairs I use DW's iPad (and vica versa). If I am in the bath (for example) and DW tells me I have a message, I will ask her to read it to me. Sometimes she will respond for me (and vica versa). If DW is not in the room and her phone rings, I will answer it (and viva versa).

You sound so worn down

This isn't the life you need to live, you know. That on its own is enough to end things if you want to.

I'm sorry, slightly. It feels to me like you need to take a couple of small step in the direction of addressing how distant your relationship has become. Just small ones. As this feels like despair masquerading as polite functionality. I would really suggest getting 'The Dance of Anger' by Harriet Lerner and reading it all. Then I think you should consider approaching him about counselling. It may be too early to talk about big picture stuff but it sounds like the text is not the right route in and like you've lost belief in ever being able to resolve things, even small things, in your marriage.

Thinking of you, here for you.

Thanks blood, I'll have a look at the book. Something needs to change, not sure if I've got the strength left to do it right now though.