After a failed marriage and a disastrous relationship, I have been enjoying my time alone when I met a guy a couple of months ago-we hit it off straight away although I was quite flattered that he was interested in me, he is 5 years younger than me and looks even younger, a musician in a well known band.
He is also a lone parent of a young child and when we met up after our first meeting, he said he really liked me but that he wasnt sure where he stood on a relationship with me as his child came first and he didnt want me to expect anything he couldnt offer, I appreciated his honesty.
I went round to his the next eve and ended up in bed with him and although yes it was all very mind blowing, the next morning it was like nothing had happened. There was no physical contact afterwards and in the morning I left with an arrangement that I would go round on Saturday, he said to me the night before "dont get attached to me " I really should have heeded that warning.
I got the impression he was just after a friend with benefits but in all honesty the situation kind of suited me too, We lapsed into a kind of twice a week thing with constant fb messaging in between, messages were never sexual and when I went round to his we would curl up on the sofa and chat, etc..He told me a lot of personal stuff about himself and sometimes nothing would happen and I would go home, other times I would stay over and something would happen.
A couple of weeks ago he asked me to go round and spent the eve telling me how amazing he thought I was, that I turned him on and that despite the fact he appeared not to care about people, he did and that he cared about me, but then followed it up with, but we cant have a relationship. His past relationship history seems to be a string of short term relationships with the longest being his childs mother. He had indicated a couple of times that there was possibility some unresolved pain around past relationships but wouldnt go further.
The week after that Saturday, he indicated he'd ike some company on the tuesday and I stayed over and this went into weds, he spent the morning before going to work telling me lots of quite deep stuff and saying he hadn't shared that with people before ). That day, something happened at work, and he was sent home early, he messaged me asking me to come round which I did, he then told me that eve that he suspected he has bi polar disorder, something I had already suspected due to his constant changig moods. He got himself signed off work and when I reminded him I was going away that weekend, he asked to come along..It was great we had a fun weekend, no sex, just lots of laughs and at night, he cuddled me really tightly in bed, I began to question if it was more of a relationship.
However, he then spent the car journey home telling me he was unsuited to relationships and then implied that should sex with someone else present itself, he would take it, but would tell me first 
.
last week he seemed keen to have me round, but nothing physical, we spent a lot of time together and at the weekend I actually went out with him, his child and his parents.That eve he invited me and my young daughter to stay over and on sunday we all spent the day together with his child too.
On occasions he has accused me of being paranoid if I checked arrangements or confirmed something, it annoyed me because thats me, its how I operate. When I left on sunday, he told me he loved having me there and I could stop by whenever I wanted, no need to chec, just come over.
We usually always speak every day on fb messenger, I dropped him a message late afternoon asking if he was ok, he replied in short answers saying yes but was busy.(he is supposed to be job hunting).
I asked if he wanted any company the following eve, if I ask, he usualy always replies that Im always welcome, given the conversation we had on Sunday, I assumed I would be. He replied no he was busy.
So I asked him why I was no longer welcome and he replied in capitals, saying that just because he was busy, it didnt means f off, but that he had stuff to do, he then accused me of being paranoid again and said, if I pulled that paranoia crap on him again, he would tell me where to go.
I apologised and we chatted a while before he went off line.
Today after a couple of messages, I asked him if he wanted to hang out again.
he replied (copied and pastied)
Well logically yes of course.
Look, got a fair bit to do and need to sort it. Stop fishing for times, dates and paranoia relief. Go get on with your life and chill.
I replied saying I wasnt being paranoid, it was a question and that I hoped he managed to sort whatever it was he had to get on with and he knew where I was......he just replied with a thumbs up and Ive not heard from him since despite the fact hes been on fb all day and well into the night.
So I dont know what to think.he appears to have gone totaly cold on me and Im not sure if that last message actually reads get lost tbh, Im not in the market for a relationship either but sadly have developed feelings for him, my brain is scrambled because he is so inconsistent..
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Totally confused about "friend" !
HighwayToHell · 21/10/2015 01:13
I'm so sorry you are going through this bollocks. Fwiw, it's Ok, it's not your fault, just step away now before more damage is done.
I cannot help imagining him as a sort of cross between Liam Gallagher and James Blunt but with worse interpersonal skills 
Just trying to cheer you up
You'll be alright xx
He looks like the actor that plays Endeavour. .but with long hair..
Seriously it's causing me so much torment because this guy has been in constant contact morning noon and night..last couple of weeks we've been in each others pockets..everything is fine this weekend..then pow..he drops me..I know it's nothing I've done and more likely his tangled state of mind..but it's harder to deal with than someone saying to your face..this isn't happening anymore..I just don't get how someone can do an about turn in under a day.
Oh he does sound beautiful 
I can imagine how horrible that must be to have someone being really dependent on you then suddenly throwing it in your face.
I can't explain it, but you are right that it isn't anything you have done or anything at all about you in fact. It's all about him and he does sound very troubled.
No he hasn't lied to me or promised me anything he's been nothing but honest..the shock is in him being quite needy in a sense and telling me on Sunday to come round whenever I like..to saying the next day..fuck off essentially. .in a nutshell as everyone has said I guess I must take him at his word and fo just that ..doesn't make it any less painful..
He's in a band
He thinks he's irresistible
You were attracted and available
He's moved on to the next
but utterly inevitable imo.
Yes he's been honest - and that absolves him, apparently 
He's been honest that he's a pure shit and fully intends to treat you like shit, a commodity. So far he's had free sex, free therapy and a playmate he can pick up and drop when he plain chooses.
Didn't he blush when he said 'don't get too attached to me'? Who does he think he is! He may be 'beautiful' but his 'beauty' is clearly skin deep; underneath it's maggots all the way.
Have some self-respect, girl. He is foul. Why on earth would you be scurrying after someone who treats you this badly? Absolutely everything has been on his terms - why have you not only allowed that but facilitated it? You say he can click his fingers and get anyone he wants . he wouldn't get me, why has he got you?
As for bipolar Plenty of ppl with bipolar who take responsibility for their behaviour. No, he has Vile Shit disorder, I suspect that's about it.
I feel pretty shit myself now ..unfortunately I did get attached. .despite trying not to.and as I said I'm totally struggling with his complete about turn in attitude in the space of a day..what if I had taken him at his word and just dropped by ? Would he have slammed the door in my face ?
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.