After a failed marriage and a disastrous relationship, I have been enjoying my time alone when I met a guy a couple of months ago-we hit it off straight away although I was quite flattered that he was interested in me, he is 5 years younger than me and looks even younger, a musician in a well known band.
He is also a lone parent of a young child and when we met up after our first meeting, he said he really liked me but that he wasnt sure where he stood on a relationship with me as his child came first and he didnt want me to expect anything he couldnt offer, I appreciated his honesty.
I went round to his the next eve and ended up in bed with him and although yes it was all very mind blowing, the next morning it was like nothing had happened. There was no physical contact afterwards and in the morning I left with an arrangement that I would go round on Saturday, he said to me the night before "dont get attached to me " I really should have heeded that warning.
I got the impression he was just after a friend with benefits but in all honesty the situation kind of suited me too, We lapsed into a kind of twice a week thing with constant fb messaging in between, messages were never sexual and when I went round to his we would curl up on the sofa and chat, etc..He told me a lot of personal stuff about himself and sometimes nothing would happen and I would go home, other times I would stay over and something would happen.
A couple of weeks ago he asked me to go round and spent the eve telling me how amazing he thought I was, that I turned him on and that despite the fact he appeared not to care about people, he did and that he cared about me, but then followed it up with, but we cant have a relationship. His past relationship history seems to be a string of short term relationships with the longest being his childs mother. He had indicated a couple of times that there was possibility some unresolved pain around past relationships but wouldnt go further.
The week after that Saturday, he indicated he'd ike some company on the tuesday and I stayed over and this went into weds, he spent the morning before going to work telling me lots of quite deep stuff and saying he hadn't shared that with people before ). That day, something happened at work, and he was sent home early, he messaged me asking me to come round which I did, he then told me that eve that he suspected he has bi polar disorder, something I had already suspected due to his constant changig moods. He got himself signed off work and when I reminded him I was going away that weekend, he asked to come along..It was great we had a fun weekend, no sex, just lots of laughs and at night, he cuddled me really tightly in bed, I began to question if it was more of a relationship.
However, he then spent the car journey home telling me he was unsuited to relationships and then implied that should sex with someone else present itself, he would take it, but would tell me first 
.
last week he seemed keen to have me round, but nothing physical, we spent a lot of time together and at the weekend I actually went out with him, his child and his parents.That eve he invited me and my young daughter to stay over and on sunday we all spent the day together with his child too.
On occasions he has accused me of being paranoid if I checked arrangements or confirmed something, it annoyed me because thats me, its how I operate. When I left on sunday, he told me he loved having me there and I could stop by whenever I wanted, no need to chec, just come over.
We usually always speak every day on fb messenger, I dropped him a message late afternoon asking if he was ok, he replied in short answers saying yes but was busy.(he is supposed to be job hunting).
I asked if he wanted any company the following eve, if I ask, he usualy always replies that Im always welcome, given the conversation we had on Sunday, I assumed I would be. He replied no he was busy.
So I asked him why I was no longer welcome and he replied in capitals, saying that just because he was busy, it didnt means f off, but that he had stuff to do, he then accused me of being paranoid again and said, if I pulled that paranoia crap on him again, he would tell me where to go.
I apologised and we chatted a while before he went off line.
Today after a couple of messages, I asked him if he wanted to hang out again.
he replied (copied and pastied)
Well logically yes of course.
Look, got a fair bit to do and need to sort it. Stop fishing for times, dates and paranoia relief. Go get on with your life and chill.
I replied saying I wasnt being paranoid, it was a question and that I hoped he managed to sort whatever it was he had to get on with and he knew where I was......he just replied with a thumbs up and Ive not heard from him since despite the fact hes been on fb all day and well into the night.
So I dont know what to think.he appears to have gone totaly cold on me and Im not sure if that last message actually reads get lost tbh, Im not in the market for a relationship either but sadly have developed feelings for him, my brain is scrambled because he is so inconsistent..
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Relationships
Totally confused about "friend" !
HighwayToHell · 21/10/2015 01:13
Yes basically he's saying to me..bugger off until I decide I want you again..my head is well and truly fucked..Ok I need to be strong and remove myself as an option..I suspect there is already someone he is interested in..
Plus I have had that relationship with a guy who can't commit and keeps wanting closeness, meeting his parents, all that stuff, and he was NEVER EVER as rude or spiteful as this guy is being to you.
That was a headfuck as he was a lovely guy as well as confusing and frustrating.
This guy you are seeing is a no brainer. What on earth do you get out of it - he's not even kind. He's a twat.
You will feel a thousand times better if you tell him to get stuffed and don't contact him again, ever. It's the right thing and by that I mean it is good for you and for your life, to never see him again.
There is no question. I suspect any relationship he did have with a woman would be extremely abusive within a short while.
Thanks everyone..I feel like shit..I'm a grown woman in my early 40s who should know better..I knew what I was getting myself into but still went along with it..there's something about him..and he knows it..he's beautiful ..and he knows it..he's an amazing musician which I found attractive...but he knows he can just click his fingers and have any woman
When oh when, will women learn to make men do a bit of chasing??!!
This guy is using you for comfort/sex/as a sounding board....."listen to all my deep tales of woe - aren't you lucky I am telling you all this about very important ME". I bet he doesn't ask you anything about yourself.
He's told you to your face, that he doesn't do relationships and that if the chance of a fuck with another woman came along, he'd take it. FFS, how on earth can you put up with such a DICK?
And what is your response? You are now sat at home wringing your hands, hoping he might throw you a few crumbs from his table.
Please wise up. Pick up your self respect (it's on the floor over in the corner), and when he next calls or texts you, IGNORE.
I am sorry if this is harsh, but you really deserve to be treated better than this. No-one should be treated this poorly. 
Please be strong and do this for yourself and your DC. Would he make a good Step Dad? Er no. So do it for your DC, if not you.
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