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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dumped because I wet myself during sex

29 replies

nolongerwanted · 20/10/2015 07:09

I'm beside myself with upset and humiliation. I was with a new boyfriend after leaving a long sexless marriage. I've been dumped because unbeknownst to me, whilst we were having sex at the weekend my bladder leaked & I ended up soaking the place. Sad It must have come out in little drips because I didn't feel like I was peeing myself but it was quite clear it was pee. I felt very wet while he was banging away quite vigorously and when I looked down there was an enormous yellow patch Shock. I was mortified, he was disgusted. Last night he told me he no longer wants to see me after it had happened for the 3rd time. I am gutted. I guess it happened because I never did my pelvic floors after childbirth but I never felt I needed to. Having not had sex with my ex hsb since childbirth I didn't know I had a problem. It's so crap being a woman, your body shot-to-bits after giving birth. I guess I'm going to have to do olympic quantities of pelvic floor exercises now to make it tight again. I feel so bad this happened. I just want to be a normal (fit) woman again.Sad Instead I feel like a dirty, incontinent, smelly old wreck.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 20/10/2015 07:14

Please go and talk to your GP or practice nurse, if you have pelvic floor issues they can help. You are best off without this man who thrust so hard it caused you to leak.

Lweji · 20/10/2015 07:18

You are probably more normal than you think. :)
Pee is not dirty, although, admitedly, not pleasant.
He sounds like a twat. Normally, people would try to help avoid it happening and talk about it, not dump someone. Did you enjoy the vigorous pounding?

Have you never had any leakage at all?
I'd see a doctor, not just do pelvic floor exercises.

bearleftmonkeyright · 20/10/2015 07:18

I am so sorry. You're ex is a massive, massive twat. You should not be made to feel like this. It is him, not you. This happens to plenty of women myself included and you should not be made to feel like this. It is very very normal. When you feel ready see your gp. I did and I was referred to a nurse practitioner who helped a lot Flowers

Original poster
nolongerwanted · 20/10/2015 07:21

I have been to the gp. She did tests to rule out an infection. TMI I don't think his thrusting was that hard, just that there was a lot of it & I was aware I 'let go' of my vagina, I couldn't maintain my hold around him. It was too enjoyable. Uhhgh, I hate myself for this. Bloody ropey old vagina.

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/10/2015 07:25

They should refer you to a specialist. If it's that bad, surgery can supposedly help.

But you can adopt safer sex positions, empty your bladder before sex, and put absorbent stuff to protect the bed. And get a non-twat partner.

Original poster
nolongerwanted · 20/10/2015 07:27

I do have to admit having a fullish bladder before hand but it heightened the sexual feeling for me, big fucking mistake.

OP posts:
VocationalGoat · 20/10/2015 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WitchWay · 20/10/2015 07:32

Don't hate yourself. Lots of women leak.

Go back to the GP. Did she examine you "down below"? If not she ought to have done. You could be referred to a Gynaecologist if there is a problem and exercises don't tighten things up.

bearleftmonkeyright · 20/10/2015 07:35

Go back to gp. Mine noticed prolapse when he was checking on coil. I was referred to incontinence clinic. I felt like you about the whole thing but was pretty depressed anyway. They really can help.

SweetPotato1 · 20/10/2015 07:36

OP, you certainly dodged a bullet with that guy.

IrishDad79 · 20/10/2015 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

rumred · 20/10/2015 07:36

It's a sign you've really let yourself go during sex, which to most would surely be a positive and a compliment. Thank christ you found out what an arse he is so early on. Please don't feel bad. Nothing wrong with wee, and let's face it sheets can be washed, but a tosser won't be so easily sorted

Emus · 20/10/2015 07:41

Report then IrishDad.

Emus · 20/10/2015 07:42

OP, sorry this has happened to you. Agree with everyone else, you've dodged a bullet here.

Learningtoletgo · 20/10/2015 07:43

I've reported your post Irishdad. Not cool.

OP it's hard to say don't feel embarrassed because you feel how you feel. But you might want to look at it this way, at least it give you a chance to sort things out before you meet a really nice guy whose a keeper!

Original poster
nolongerwanted · 20/10/2015 07:49

thank you everyone, your positive comments help me feel less of a leper. Gp did do an internal in case of prolapse but said everything was good. She said an infection could stop the bladder sphincter working but I don't have an infection. I've been looking at one of those electronic kegal gadgets but they're not cheap (£70) One of these: www.kegel8.co.uk/blog/2014/03/25/why-use-a-manual-pelvic-floor-toner/

OP posts:
Branleuse · 20/10/2015 07:54

i think if i had sex with a full bladder I would piss myself too. I think most women would after a few kids. Im not saying thats not a problem, but I think youve dodged a bullet there if he humiliated you about it, but im a bit surprised you did it with a full bladder for the extra sensation and then wet yourself on 3 seperate occasions.
Maybe he thinks its just a kink youre into, and hes really not

Candlefairy101 · 20/10/2015 08:01

This may be tmi but are you sure you didn't just squirt multiple times because you we're enjoying it? Some women squirt a lot and some men find this a turn on x

Toraleistripe · 20/10/2015 08:02

Men........well we have their bodily fluids shot up our vaginas! Wee is just another bodily fluid!

Also have heard that the new 'thing' is women 'ejaculating' when they orgasm. Something to do with the g spot.......I am quite naive when it comes to sex tbh.

Anyway the point is he sounds like a twat. Yes see your GP, do the exercises but don't worry too much!

If you empty your bladder before sex it might not be such an issue maybe.

HeighHoghItsBacktoWorkIGo · 20/10/2015 08:06

I guess it happened because I never did my pelvic floors after childbirth but I never felt I needed to.

I don't think this is your fault. I don't think this is a reflection on you as a person. All of us who've been through labour just don't have the bladders that we did before. I've done loads of pelvic floor exercises for years. I'm fine during sex (but then my husband is a lovely caring man, not a jack hammer!) But if I have a full bladder and sneeze! Oh dear!

I know you opened yourself up to someone new, too a risk, made yourself vulnerable and were rejected. But frankly, he sounds like a jerk. More a reflection on him than you. You can do better.

I agree with the others. You should talk to your GP. I can think of three women who have had surgery. Pelvic exercises alone were not enough. This is not uncommon.

Best of luck! Don't put yourself down in your own mind. You don't deserve it. You are normal. Really.

Churchillian · 20/10/2015 08:08

Yes-it could be female ejaculation which is also yellowish and watery? If you didn't feel like you wee'd and you came? That' entirely normal and your ex-lover is an idiot. Did the doctor suggest it might be this?

EasterRobin · 20/10/2015 08:09

I'm sorry you were with such a twat. That's not the sort of person anyone needs after their marriage has ended. Get yourself a referral to a specialist physio. They'll check on your pelvic floor exercise technique and help you hone it. Also get some nicely coloured sheets (no more revealing yellow patch) so you won't worry about it happening again.

ArcheryAnnie · 20/10/2015 08:13

OP, don't feel bad! I agree with the others that you dodged a bullet with this guy, who doesn't sound like a keeper. And I bet if he'd squeezed out a baby through the tip of his penis he might be a bit leaky from time to time, too. Some men seem to think their bodily fluids are the height of sexy and women's bodily fluids are disgusting, only to be suffered in order to get a shag.

DoctorTwo · 20/10/2015 08:14

I agree with SweetPotato, you've dodged a bullet.

StealthPolarBear · 20/10/2015 08:17

His problem not yours. Do some exercises sure but no need to hate yourself or feel anything other than totally normal. This man sounds like he never quite grew out of being a teenager.