If DH came home tonight and said, "I want to get divorced", I would feel relieved

[AngelicaJolie]

Isn't that terrible? But, it's true. I like him as a person, he can be kind, funny, generous. But it's no 'great love'.

The sex life wasn't great from the start and now on the rare occasion it does happen, it's over very quickly and I always fake it. I don't feel I can really 'let myself go' with him. Though I have never really felt that. The sex with previous boyfriends was a lot better. He is not very demonstrative or affectionate.

We don't have any DC. Our clocks are ticking and our families keep asking us 'when?' but there is always a reason - I wonder if subconsciously I've not gone ahead with having them because I always knew we weren't truly compatible.

I want a partner who loves me unconditionally, wants the same things I do, and is someone I can rely on. I don't feel I can rely on him. I always have to remind him to do things, important things e.g. finances, even when they're nothing to do with me. I feel like I do the organising and the planning and thinking for the both of us. I want someone who can share the burden of this.

He has changed the goalposts about what he wants from the future - he is talking about wanting to live abroad (although with no definite plan), whereas I don't.

However, I can and will never get divorced at my own instigation - well not unless and until my lovely DParents are no longer with us. I would be mortified to admit that my lovely wedding (which cost them a fair bob) isn't working. I would be so embarrassed at letting them down.

I wonder how many of us there are out there who feel this way.

Just to comment on the parental side of things. A friend delayed leaving her husband for over 10 years. One reason she gave was that no one in the family had ever been divorced and it would 'kill' her parents. When she finally rang to say she'd left him her father's reply was 'Thank goodness for that. We've thought for years you'd be better off without him.'
What a waste!

I don't think these posts are harsh - I think it's tough talking. I agree with Leavemywings

You need to take responsibility for your own life and your own decisions rather than hoping to be forced into action because someone else has stepped up and made the brave statement that you need to make yourself.

It's obviously very important to you OP that people (your parents, your DP, even people on here) have a good opinion on you. That's understandable. But if you put more emphasis on maintaining the image they have of you than on creating the life you want for yourself you are doing yourself a lot of damage and possibly taking your DH with you.

You've told us you want to end this marriage - now tell him.

OP, I think you are getting a hard time because most posters see this as an easy decision, the short term pain to difficult conversations with your husband and parents pails into insignificance against a life lived in a so-so marriage.

This won't always be the case. If you have children with him the balance swings and that decision becomes harder.

You may come to be financially dependant on him, or him on you and then feelings of helplessness or guilt swing the balance further.

Either you or your dh may become ill and then again the choices get harder.

In short, if you continue down this apathetic path you will never have as easier a decision as the one you have right now.

You are in a grim situation OP. Your husband isn't supportive or loving. You do everything, and can't rely on him. The sex is ropey. You feel 'settled for'.

It's not difficult to guess where this will end up. At best, it's not likely to improve from here.

You can't afford to wait for children, or some other defining factor to show up, which has the potential to trap you in an untenable situation.

If you've really talked, and tried your best - I'm assuming you have, for otherwise you wouldn't be here - it's time to consider cutting your losses. Just think about it at least. Suppose someone waved a magic wand and you could get out tomorrow. Would you go?

kondos' advice is spot on - with no children, or other life issues, this decision will never be as easy as it is right now. I too stayed too long in a so-so relationship, too proud to admit I was wrong. The relief I felt when i finished it was overwhelming. May you have that same feeling, and soon.