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Original poster

Is he lying ?

28 replies

Em4891 · 19/10/2015 01:40

Hi all,
I have had to now resort to getting some advice as my oh has called me fxxxing mental ! Over this matter.
Which has made me even more suspicious .
Basically yesterday evening my oh went to work and I thought I would grab an early night . I went to his side of the bed only to find a scrunched up piece of tissue , I picked it up only to realize it was wet and covered in lets just say man fluid and was on my hand ??
I messaged my husband and asked why did he have to leave it on floor for myself to find ?
He then responded very aggressively to my text saying 1. I was fxxxking mental 2. He was at work now and couldn't be doing with my drama 3. Tried saying it was phelghm
All of his things have made me think why if he lying to me as I know perfectly well what was on that tissue .
He is always on his phone and constantly takes it everywhere .
Please offer any advice as I feel there is something he is hiding from me or am I being silly

OP posts:

HirplesWithHaggis · 19/10/2015 02:11

It's not good that he called you "fucking mental". (We're allowed to swear here.)

But your story is inconsistent; was the used tissue on the floor or his side of the bed? Why did you go to his side of the bed? Why pick up an obviously used tissue?

Why does it matter whether it's semen or phlegm? Have you never had your husband's semen on your hand before?

Do you object to him wanking generally, or just in bed?

Being "constantly on his phone" isn't great, but hardly unusual these days.

What's your actual issue here, do you think?

AcrossthePond55 · 19/10/2015 02:27

So are you angry that he was wanking or angry that he didn't clean up after himself? If the former, what's the big deal? All men wank off at times, it's par for the course. If the latter, then I agree he should clean up his 'mess' regardless of what it is. But calling him at work to tell him off about it is overreacting, imo.

Mermaidhair · 19/10/2015 02:33

He shouldn't have called you fucking mental. I think it was wrong of you to call him at work to ask about a tissue. There is obviously a lot more going on with your relationship than just this tissue incident. You know semen won't hurt you?

goddessofsmallthings · 19/10/2015 05:18

Why did you find it necessary to text your dh at work to query why he'd left a used tissue in the bed/on the floor? Why didn't you simply bin it and thought no more of it other than he'd omitted to do so?

PuellaEstCornelia · 19/10/2015 08:19

What is it you think he is lying about? You do seem to have over-reacted, unless there is more context to this...

Guiltypleasures001 · 19/10/2015 08:19

Sorry op but he may have been reacting out of embarrassment and anger at being treated like a naughty school boy. That wasn't a good move on your part, he's entitled to privacy.

Maybe give him a penis beaker for next time

Joysmum · 19/10/2015 08:22

Why examine a used tissue?

Why assume he was motivated to leave it there for you to find?

You'd not have texted about a tissue left on the floor if you knew he had a cold, so what's your problem with him wanking?

Lastly Wtf are you doing texting him at work about it? That really isn't ok at all as often texts pop up on the front screen and can be seen by anyone.

Tbh I think you do sound like you have issues, the question is what's the back story to this? Are you unhappy with your sex life and frustrated he's masturbating?

Only1scoop · 19/10/2015 08:25

So what's the underlying story Op?

KinkyAfro · 19/10/2015 08:34

is he lying about what though? Is he not allowed to masturbate? Do you?

Imgivinguponyou · 19/10/2015 08:49

Leaving a used tissue around is gross. However I don't get the link between that and using his phone a lot.

thequickbrownfox · 19/10/2015 08:57

Hi OP, Some lovely passive aggressive responses already I see! It's a little early in the morning for me, so I'll just try and speak nicely to you .

What do you think he is hiding from you?

imwithspud · 19/10/2015 09:01

What do you think he's lying about? Leaving used tissues of any kind is gross but I don't see how him being on his phone all the time is relevant? It would be helpful for you to expand a little more of you could so we can offer some more productive advice.

Only1scoop · 19/10/2015 09:22

Have you previously had trust issues with him and his phone Op?

Do you suspect he is using material from it to get off on?

Total guess

Ememem84 · 19/10/2015 09:31

what exactly is it that you're worried about? that he left a used tissue about or something else?

were you accusing him of something else?

to be fair if my dh called me at work to complain that I'd left a used tissue lying about I'd probably think he was a bit strange too.....

DrMorbius · 19/10/2015 09:34

thequickbrownfox - Some lovely passive aggressive responses already I see!

What utter tosh, passive aggressive is now trotted out like Elf & Safety or Data Protection, as the "go to" phrase(s) that are trotted out when the espsouser can't articulate a decent argument. Or I may be wrong and you can cite some some examples from the posts above.

What do you think he is hiding from you? Well one thing he is not hiding is his used tissues

mumofthemonsters808 · 19/10/2015 09:40

I can see your Husbands point of view, he is at work and gets this crazy message. So what if he had a secret wank, it's not the end of the world. HE should not have to even explain himself, men can wank even if their married. All I'd ask him to do is clean up after himself. Talk about stupid use of a mobile phone, if you are that pissed off could it not have waited until he came home. No wonder people look pissed off when they are on their phones at work, if this is the type of messages they get.

thequickbrownfox · 19/10/2015 09:50

Morbius, the OP is receiving a mocking when we don't yet know the full circumstances of her situation. How do we know he's not an unfaithful abusive bastard who has been caught out doing something he shouldn't? We don't, and until the OP gives a bit more information (agree this would have been helpful in the first post), it's disappointing to see the reception she's getting. It's sad, because these sorts of posts often turn out to have a back story whereby the poster needs support, not a drubbing. It's a kind of bullying, and one which is becoming more prevalent.

SurlyCue · 19/10/2015 09:53

DrMorbius · 19/10/2015 10:02

I see thequickbrownfox, so the default position is that the male partner is an unfaithful abusive bastard who has been caught out doing something he shouldn't?

The only thing I know about him is that he left a "used" tissue by the bed and he called his DP fucking mental.

thequickbrownfox · 19/10/2015 10:14

Not at all - I'm saying give the OP a chance to fill us in without chasing her off. It's easy enough to show a bit of patience. People sometimes behave irrationally when they're under a lot of pressure (I agree sending a text to him at work was not acceptable), so it's possible there's a lot more to the story. Why not just give her a chance to fill in the gaps.

Jan45 · 19/10/2015 12:04

If he's possessive over his mob then he's hiding something, as for the tissue, don't quite get why you felt the need to text him at work about it.

BolshierAryaStark · 19/10/2015 12:04

Yes the used tissue is a bit grim but I wouldn't have messaged him at work to tell him so, you've just made him embarrassed & defensive.
What is the problem you perceive & what do you think he's lying about?

Original poster

Em4891 · 19/10/2015 12:39

Having read all of your messages I feel a little silly now .
But, would like to just clarify a few things .
My husband has been caught several times chatting up women by myself .
I have only recently given birth so am not feeling that attractive at the moment .
I only bought up the phone due to his unfaithfulness before .
And yes he hasn't been that nice to me either

OP posts:

HirplesWithHaggis · 19/10/2015 14:05

Ah, now that fills in a bit more. The tissue is an irrelevance, really, but it's what caught your attention.

Lots of folk are protective of their phones, I'm very possessive of my iPad and only let others use it under my direct supervision. But if you think he's using it for contacting other women, or perhaps porn, that's a different story.

You say he hasn't been that nice to you - do you mean in a thoughtless sort of a way, or more deliberately nasty?

summerwinterton · 19/10/2015 14:15

so your issue here is his infidelity and the fact he hides his phone and then gets very defensive and calls you mental when you dare question him.

I would say he looks guilty and I would wonder why you are still with him tbh.

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