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Original poster

Why can he move on so fast and I can't

63 replies

Beigewalls80 · 11/10/2015 21:36

I'm trying so hard to figure out why I am so upset by this but in a nutshell my over a decade long relationship ended 3 months ago at my instigation and we have remained in contact. On Friday he messages me to say that he wanted to let me know that he has met someone and she is his girlfriend. They met on Wednesday and by Friday had decided to be a couple.

I am just so shocked by my reaction, I have cried all weekend and I don't understand why?! I do not want to be with him and I think deciding he is in a relationship after 2 days is unhinged but I just can't shake the sheer devastation I feel?!

I'm nowhere near ready to move on, we spent 10 years of our lives together and I just can't turn my feelings off like that.

Is it a male/female thing? I still feel loyal to him and can't imagine being with anyone else yet.

It really really hurts that he can go from txting me on Sunday saying how much he loves me and misses me to on Friday I have a girlfriend. He says he wasn't looking for anything but it took him by surprise. What?!

I'm so shocked by my reaction, it just feels too soon and such an absurd situation. But is this just the final stage of me grieving what was as my friend tells me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beigewalls80 · 12/10/2015 16:10

Thank you so much Miaowroar, I will have to rely on the wisdom of those who have gone through this also and take heart that it is possible to get over the pain.

OP posts:
Inexperiencedchick · 12/10/2015 16:35

Please be kind to yourself.

I met someone this summer (not in a romantic way), but he split up with his girlfriend of 10 or more years just because he didn't want a child. She wanted, and she begged him to think and I guess she hoped he will change his mind. He stayed on his initial terms... And left her...

You will find someone else who will be happy to have a child with you.
It's just a matter of time.

Spa salon as a self treat?! ;)

Original poster
Beigewalls80 · 12/10/2015 16:52

Inexperienced chick - thank you for your kind words. I'm getting my hair cut on Thursday so that will be my treat :)

I know I would regret not at least trying to meet someone and have a family and I knew that if I stayed with him the relationship may have failed anyway and I'd be left with no partner and no children and a lot of regrets.

It really is shocking how much it hurts though! I keep looking at crowds of people and thinking about their broken hearts and wondering how everyone just keeps going and don't collapse into a puddle of misery. but I know we all get over these things in time.

I feel a bit better already after everyone's kind words and different perspectives.

OP posts:
TheBitchOfDestiny · 12/10/2015 17:10

Based on previous experience, of friends, prepare yourself for him to have a baby fairly quickly

ouch lweji why do you say that? :(

(not having a go or saying you are wrong, just wondering)

Lweji · 12/10/2015 17:32

Well, because I've seen it happen. Better prepare for the eventuality.

Which is why I think it's better to cut contact so that if it happens then it's less of a blow.

miaowroar · 12/10/2015 17:36

Other people I knew in this situation did not leave their wife and have a baby with someone else, but they did get together with someone who already had children - this is another possibility, but I don't believe in meeting trouble half way.

KOKO Beige, one day at a time.

Inexperiencedchick · 12/10/2015 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Beigewalls80 · 12/10/2015 18:30

Well that's one heartbreak I won't have to deal with hopefully - he txt back a nice response to my needing to go no contact txt and then another txt saying he has booked his vasectomy...

OP posts:
miaowroar · 12/10/2015 18:56

You see Beige - why, after you request NC, does he have to tell you that - it is now nothing to do with you. He is just messing with your head and ... well ... showing off!

See - I really don't want children and I've proved it so nur to you!

Did you bother replying?

ScrambledSmegs · 12/10/2015 19:07

Can you block his calls and texts? It's a bit more effective than just telling someone that you're going NC Smile

People move on at their own pace. A lovely woman I know has had 2 breakups of serious relationships where her former partners have met, married and had a baby with a new partner within a year of them parting. She was still grieving for the future she thought they had. Since it's happened twice now she's convinced there's something wrong with her Sad. Not the case. Some people are brilliant at compartmentalising while others want to work through their feelings.

Lweji · 12/10/2015 19:17

I'd just not answer for a few days, then block if he persists.

Original poster
Beigewalls80 · 12/10/2015 19:44

I don't think he will contact me again, he respects my wishes. I really hope that a year from now when we are both happy we can catch up, I cannot imagine never seeing or speaking to him again.

I think he told me because in my no more contact txt I mentioned it, bad I know but I was feeling angry. And he hasn't changed GP so the letter with the appointment time will come to my flat. I'm so relieved that he is so sure about it.

OP posts:
Inexperiencedchick · 14/10/2015 21:47

Scrambled you have expressed it in a perfect way.

I'm still sad about the loss where he has posts all over the FB him having a nice time. It's one year exactly, but I still hold to my memories...

I'm lost for words...

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