How to tell her she's a grandmother to an 8mo?

[Atlantis90]

Hi I'm in need of a bit of help! I have an 8mo and his father has nothing to do with him (his choice) and has never even asked how he is. I work to support my son and it can be a struggle but I'm blessed to have him and we get by. My ex lives with his mum and stepdad (he moved back in with them as soon as I told him I was pregnant after two years together). He doesn't work or claim benefits to avoid paying anything. I'm more bothered about the lack of contact though as my son will miss out.

My ex's family don't even know my son exists. I've been thinking about it a lot and I would want to know if I had a grandson and I'm sure his mum would. We never met but I looked her up and found an address. I'm thinking of sending a letter with some pictures. Do you wise people think it's a good idea? Would you want to know? Any advice on what to write? Thanks a lot!

Some people had a very good upbringing but go on to behave appallingly. It's not always the parents fault you know!

Firstly, I am astonished you would even consider having ds's truly appalling father in his life. Yy kids need fathers but they don't need arsewipes.

Re the grandmother: you could contact her on one number/contact specifically set up for it. Don't let her know where you live (does arsewipe know?).

Thanks headofthehive, I think I misunderstood what you meant! Yes I have been thinking about whether it might be best to get in touch now rather than my son being disappointed in the future.

Asteria - your ex sounds like a treat! Your advice has been really helpful, thank you. Ensuring my son is emotionally secure will be so important.

Afewgoodwomen - I see your point and I would hate for that to happen. I think it's unlikely but it is a potential outcome.

Springydaffs - I thought when my son was born I should do what I could to involve his father so I can tell him honestly that I tried. But I have given up now. I've left the door open but wouldn't contact him. Arsewipe (great nickname) has no idea where I live now. He does know where my dad lives but has probably forgotten as he's only been twice and it was a while ago. I have a spare sim card I could use rather than giving my actual phone number. I thought about giving an email address though.

I think you have an image in your head of what your son's granny might be like, but there are a lot of deeply unpleasant alternative images, too. Picture some of them, and then decide.

Yes I think I might leave it until he's a little bit older. I'm also worried about any potential nastiness from my ex. I have done everything to get him involved with his son. If my son wants to know his grandma it could be something we do together. Perhaps he can write the letter or something.