When does it stop feeling so raw?

[ThreePipeProblem]

I posted ages ago when DH first announced that he didn't love me anymore. He loved me but wasn't in love with me. He was having what I felt was an emotional affair. I know this hasn't turned into a full blown affair but I certainly wouldn't be surprised if he gets together with her eventually.

We've had months of limbo where as far as the children were concerned he was just 'working away'. We've now told the children which was awful and he has them for the first time this weekend.

I'm just bereft. I did arrange to see a friend but she ended up having to cancel and I've spent the whole day trying to distract myself from crying or crying. It's been awful. I feel as though I'm never going to be happy again.

I have always been happy in my own company but this enforced time away from the children is completely different and I just don't know how to cope. My old friends are spread across the country and my local friends all have children and husbands to spend the weekends with.

I just don't know how to cope on a practical basis, yet alone trying to move on from our what I thought was a happy life together. What do people do? It just still feels so raw.

I'm desperate for the children not to be affected and want to try and make things amicable.

I'm so fucking angry with DH being so obstructive and bloody minded about everything. I'm really pissed off with how cold and blasé he is about the children being so upset. If they're not physically crying he thinks all is well.

I think I'm going to have to see a solicitor about getting things more official. He thinks he can come in the house whenever he wants and just demand weekend access to suit him because I 'have them all week'.

Can anyone give me a vague cost of seeing a solicitor?

I don't know where the man I married went? Has he always been a selfish shit?

And so it begins...[frown]. Lots of solicitors will give you 30 minutes free advice. Wikivorce is a very useful online tool. You will be pointed to mediation in the first instance as the court will expect you to do that. If you can get finances and children sorted via that method, all the better. I have been through a year of hearings, self representing, it's hell and I wouldn't recommend it. There is a fantastic book available on Amazon that explains everything in laymans terms. Here's a link for that, I highly recommend it :

www.amazon.co.uk/Family-Law-Made-Simple-Separation/dp/1922178268/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1445269903&sr=1-9&keywords=Family+law

I would suggest in the immediate term you set out what access you wish him to have with the children (what suits you). Unfortunately, you can't deny him access to the house, but it really needs to be on your terms, not his. Put this in writing and start a paper trail.

Get all your financial paperwork together, everything you can think of. You will both have to go through full financial disclosure. It's really shit, but you're doing the right thing.

Thinking of you OP

Just realised there isn't a frown face, so have this one instead !

Thank you Mrs C. I'm going to ring round and see if I can get half an hour free somewhere. It sounds like you were dragged through the mill. I think he's listen to reason if someone else explained that his ideas are unfair.

Alchemist Odd question but did you have your dog already or did you get it post split? I've always wanted a dog but I can't imagine the logistics at the moment. I'd love one in the future. Maybe in a few years.