She's done it again

[whatnow123]

Long story short. I've been with my partner 10 years. Mid thirties. Last year we went through a rough patch. Not communicating, no intimacy, neglecting relationship etc. Both at fault. It came to a head when I found text messages from a work colleague on her phone. All of a sexual nature. They had kissed but not gone further. Big confrontation, tears, arguments but a realisation that we had neglected each other. After 3/4 months we gave it another go.

Past six months everything has been brilliant. Appreciating each other, spending time together. A lot of trust built back.

Two days ago, I turn off the alarm her phone. Facebook pops up. Last weekend, during a work night out she had messaged him twice. He didn't reply. One was sexual in nature, the other was about how he always ignores her and is awkward in the office.

Confrontation. Tears, apologises. Doesn't know why she did it. Couldn't explain or give a reason, offered to quit job, blames the drink. She is not a big drinker at all, but lacks self control when drunk.

I'm at a loss. I'm not even upset just dissapointed. I love her, don't want to leave her but I feel I'm being made a fool of. No kids, about to buy a house.

Am I overreacting over two drunken messages? I don't know where to go from here.

What were going to be the terms of her mother's investment? And your and your partners' respective investments?

Really wouldn't be a good plan, or fair on her mum, to proceed.

End it mate, you deserve better.

Tell her she's not coming on the holiday with you, if she insists on coming then she can get another hotel and do her own thing.

whatnow when we are committed and love someone we don't text others and try to engage them in sexual activity, do we ?

If you go ahead and forgive her, buy a house with her and marry her etc, you will never have any peace. She has already been technically unfaithful, so something is missing for her, from your relationship.

I think you deserve better. Another 10 years down the line, it will be even harder for you when she does it again.
Sorry

Already married unfortunately. I've spoken to my friend in real life now. Helped to get an opinion of someone who knows me. I've told her to leave, which she has.

I don't want to make a big issue of the wedding, it's my friend, but she knows them well. They probably will be upset as well, so we can get through one day. I don't hate her or have ill will.

The holiday is going ahead. Most activities can be done separately anyway.

Aw, how awful for you, but hopefully you are still young enough to start again with someone who really appreciates you.

At least you are a bloke so your biological clock is not ticking so fast.

I just can't imagine texting and flirting with someone else outside marriage unless there was an element missing.
It is a body blow to your self esteem though, what a bugger.

When it happened the first time did you consider couples counselling? Sometimes we can't see the wood for the trees in a relationship and just need some help.
Even now it might be worth investigating that route, as you say you were so happy latterly, and had invested 10 years in the relationship.

What are you feeling now she has gone?