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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I tell the police?

38 replies

whateverloser · 04/10/2015 19:49

That's it in a nutshell really. Nasty split with dh- I have posted about him before. We have 5dcs - he doesn't see them or financially support them. Cms involved, but a waste of time really. Anyway, heated exchange by email last night. He emailed me that he would kill me 'if need be'. Is it worth letting them know, or would I be seen as to blame, for having contact with him?

OP posts:
RattleAndRoll · 04/10/2015 19:50

I'd report that to police.

RattleAndRoll · 04/10/2015 19:51

And don't delete emails.

ToTheGups · 04/10/2015 19:52

You are definitely not to blame in any way. Definitely report it to the police.

IguanaTail · 04/10/2015 19:52

Yes I would report it. And keep it. Does he know the password to your email account? If you suspect he might, create a new account and forward it to that.

IguanaTail · 04/10/2015 19:53

Can I also add that that is a shitty thing to receive. I hope you're ok.

horsewalksintoabar · 04/10/2015 19:53

Yes. Report it. As Rattle said, keep the email. Log everything with this guy. FlowersSad It's sad isn't? 5 kids later it boils down to this. Be good to yourself. Be safe. Be aware.

ohmyeyebettymartin · 04/10/2015 19:53

Having contact with someone does not make it acceptable for someone to make death threats against you!

I would report.

horsewalksintoabar · 04/10/2015 19:57

Iguana said it best. Me too. Hope you're OK, OP. You gave this man your commitment and 5 children. It makes me so sad that he puts so little value on the gift of family you've made with him. Just repeating myself really. Please report. Don't soften. He's a nasty bit o' goods.

Sighing · 04/10/2015 20:20

Do report it (I did). Awful thing to experience Brew Flowers.

mrstweefromtweesville · 04/10/2015 20:25

Death threat, in writing. Police.

kittybiscuits · 04/10/2015 20:31

In a heartbeat.

summerwinterton · 04/10/2015 20:53

Yes definitely tell the police. You need back up and you need evidence of his behaviour in case it escalates.

cozietoesie · 04/10/2015 20:55

As kitty said - in a heartbeat.

How are you and the DCs doing?

PotteringAlong · 04/10/2015 20:59

Definitely report that! Hope you're ok Flowers

Greengardenpixie · 04/10/2015 21:01

Contact the police. He is threatening you. Don't delete the email.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 04/10/2015 21:05

Absolutely. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Starkswillriseagain · 04/10/2015 21:16

Report it and gather any other evidence to add to his threats. Sorry you're going through this OP. He sounds like a nasty piece of work, I'd call women's Aid tomorrow for some extra advice too.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/10/2015 21:22

I would report that threat made against you to the police.

Why is he not financially supporting his children?.

molyholy · 04/10/2015 21:26

Without a shadow of a doubt, report.

Original poster
whateverloser · 04/10/2015 21:33

I have no idea why he isn't supporting the children financially or how he's getting away with it. He must be working cash in hand because they can't go for an attachment of earnings. It will go to court next month I think and they'll send bailiffs to his address- except he's been evicted. It's a mess- he is a mess. He blames me for everything- I have destroyed his life apparently. I've told the police. They are coming out to talk to me about it this evening. It's horrible. I am very upset that it has come to this. I have tried very hard to protect him from himself. I know I owe him no loyalty now- he left for the ow when our youngest was ten weeks old, but I did love him. He's truly horrible now, but I was a faithful wife to him.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 04/10/2015 21:43

Whatever, you poor thing, I am so sorry you're going through this. Having had some particularly vile mail/texts from my ex-H and having had the police involved several times over the period of our divorce (2 years), I have found them to be hugely supportive and very helpful. You did the right thing. You could also try Women's Aid who have been marvellous to me. The whole parameters of domestic violence have changed now and it is no longer a case of only physical violence. The police have treated my husband's behaviour towards us as "coercive abuse" but he has also financially and emotionally abused us. All of the words in your last post resonate with me. It makes you wonder doesn't it? Why do they ALL behave like this when they have left, they have brought all their shit on themselves. I guess OW's can't take the brunt can they because they're the ones putting a roof over their heads...instead they come back to take it out on us. Good luck with the police, I really hope you get some excellent help and advice and do let us know Flowers

cozietoesie · 04/10/2015 21:46

I'm glad they're coming out to talk to you this evening. Good luck with it.

IguanaTail · 04/10/2015 21:49

The whole thing sounds terrible. I hope you have some RL friends nearby who can help you through it.

Original poster
whateverloser · 04/10/2015 22:02

He has left me in loads of debt- I am paying things I knew nothing about. He has forged my signature on things but because these were overseas, nothing seems to have happened. He has been violent in the past. He is so manipulative though and had me wrapped around his little finger- I just didn't realise it. I work full time, I am educated, reasonably intelligent- I can't believe what he turned me in to.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 04/10/2015 22:06

Oh my darling, I know only too well what you're going through, I really do. I've had the fraud thing, the violence, violence against my eldest child (which she hid from me until he was safely out of the house). The debt thing, I hope you're not just blindly paying for things and have taken some advice? You don't realise it when you're in the midst of it, you really don't. You''re in a position now to get some advice, have the police involved and I would seriously consider speaking to Women's Aid about a non-molestation order which will hopefully give you some peace and lay down some boundaries. You don't have to put up with this shit, you just dont!!