When you know somebody is cheating on their wife, what is the right thing to do?

[Iusedtobeapenguin]

A few years ago a relative told DH he had a one night stand with a stranger when his wife had only just given birth to their first child. He didn't seem remorseful, he was if anything talking in a 'boastful' way. DH was angry and gave him a lecture on what a t**t he was being and they had a bit of a fall out over it. The wife was never told and doesn't know.

Things thawed slightly and we see the family now and again, although we're not close anymore. However things have been said by mutual friends and DH has witnessed something himself that suggests this man is a serial cheater and it wasn't just a one off. We are both pretty disgusted by this - he has a lovely wife & children and he seems to not give a toss that he's putting all that at risk.

So what do we do? Are we being as bad as him by sitting back and saying nothing or is it none of our business? We struggle to be around them when it winds us up so much, but does that just man we should keep our distance more?

She seems completely oblivious and happy, which makes it worse in a way.

So when do you tell and when do you keep out of it?

To everyone saying, "I'd want to know", the OP doesn't actually know anything. It's based on her DH's suspicions and a previous ONS goodness knows how many years ago. How's that conversation going to go?

OP: "Hi, haven't spoken to you in an age but I think your DH is cheating on you."
Cheated on Wife: "Oh dear. What makes you think that?"
OP: " And also I saw him on Facebook without his wedding ring."
CoW: "Er, ok."

No-one leaves their H based on that. Even if it does make her suspicious, she'll either confront him (and he'll deny it and call OP and her DH liars- "what proof do they have?"- and cause a fallout) or she'll put her head in the sand. Either way, she won't leave him in the short term, it'll be pure awkward and she'll think her entire extended family is gossiping about her marriage. It's not your family and if your DH wants to leave it then that's reason alone not to get involved, nervermind the lack of concrete information.

"It did however come about because DH friend said to my DH that he thought his wife was having an affair and could it be possible."

Likewise, I told someone when asked, because I wasn't going to lie. She hugged me instead of shooting me because she was relieved to know, but this was someone who already had suspicions and who wanted to know one way or the other. Her exOH then spent a couple of years avoiding me (literally running away from me on one memorable occasion).

I don't think it's policing people's behaviour. Don't cheats rely on people keeping quiet? They make us all complicit in infidelity. I'd watch for evidence and very, very carefully sound her out if the opportunity arises. Certainly don't lie if she asks - as for outright telling her, sorry but I'm on the fence as I think it does depend so much on the relationship you have with the people involved.

Am in a similar situation - if the guy's not cheating on his wife, it really really isn't for lack of effort. Four separate women have told me that he asked them for an affair. Only two of these women even know each other :/

I've thought it over very carefully and have decided not to tell for several reasons, though my instinct is to tell her. In -her- particular case though, it would be unkind at best. She's already unhappy in the marriage and increasing that unhappiness would be verging on the cruel, as she'll never leave due to religious and other reasons.

If she was more independent and able to cope on her own, I would ... But I would also expect the friendship to be over.

But as others have said, not letting her know ... well, she's going to feel dreadful if she ever finds out, that lots of others have known and not her. If her husband has boasted to your husband, he's probably boasted to more, too.

I'd want to know, but that does not mean she wants to know. Years have gone by since the first 'boast'. I'd wonder how she can't suspect something after all this time, perhaps she does, but doesn't want to face it.
You may be able to gauge her thoughts better by being closer, but the onus is not on you to get so involved and chose that option.
Otherwise, a chat to her DH to let him know that there are an increasing number of people who know his antics, and he's not being cleaver could be in order.