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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH forgot our 1 year wedding anniversary

41 replies

helloelo · 02/10/2015 23:16

I just discovered while we were chatting before going to bed that DH forgot to buy me a small gift for our anniversary tomorrow. I have something small but meaningful planned. We discussed cotton / gold anniversaries a couple of weeks ago so he knew. How would you react?
I was visibly very disappointed so he started panicking and I told him I wasn't going to juge him based on that considering he's otherwise wonderful but I joked that would be the joke of the day for years to come. I'm sad though. It's ok to be, right, even if I recognise it's silly and he's much more than that?

OP posts:

Hillfarmer · 02/10/2015 23:18

LTB of course

DragonsCanHop · 02/10/2015 23:19

If he is kind to you and shows he loves you that is all you need to know.

I'm old, 14 years married and we don't really do the cards and present thing and I admit to forgetting special dates now life has become so demanding.

RNBrie · 02/10/2015 23:20

Yes it's fine, and normal, to be sad. I'd be sad too.

Let him make it up to you though, assuming he tries. It's not important in the great scheme of things. Hopefully he will pull his finger out and arrange something nice for you tomorrow. Congrats by the way

bunique · 02/10/2015 23:21

I didn't mark our first anniversary (it was the first day of a family holiday, we'd spent 12 hours travelling, blah blah blah) and we're still standing 4 years on.

Original poster

helloelo · 02/10/2015 23:25

Oh thank you, I was thinking of course I should LTB immediately but I've put my very sexy flannel PJs on you see and... Well... I like him.
I'm sure as I type he's frantically googling "cotton wedding gift same day delivery" :)
I'm sure I'll be as wise as you in a couple of years

OP posts:

AnnaMarlowe · 02/10/2015 23:31

Did you specifically tell him you planned to buy a gift? Or specifically agree to swap gifts?

If not YABU. I dislike it when people set their other half to fail, as if marriage is a test to get right first time.

Celebrate the first year of your marriage together It's not a competition in who can buy the best present.

Original poster

helloelo · 02/10/2015 23:37

Er... Anna, that's not very nice, we're not in AIBU here I think. Yes we did discuss gifts, said it could only be something small, I'm just sad, not a big deal.

OP posts:

CactusAnnie · 02/10/2015 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuntWagon · 02/10/2015 23:41

Isn't cotton the second anniversary? And first is paper?

SewButtons · 02/10/2015 23:42

I'd be a bit sad but not surprised really, my dp is not great at gifts.
Sidenote though, I thought that the first anniversary was paper?

SanityClause · 02/10/2015 23:43

Just make sure he understands that this is important to you.

Some people don't care about anniversaries, and some do. Either way is fine.

But if you do care about them, then he needs to know that it is important to you, so he can act on that (in future, if not this time).

CactusAnnie · 02/10/2015 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EamonnHolmesisaPratt2 · 02/10/2015 23:47

Wow, you are married to GEORGE CLOONEY ???

gamerchick · 02/10/2015 23:47

Yup first is paper.

So you can save those jammies till next year and you both forgot this one

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 02/10/2015 23:49

I think that if you have discussed the date and decided to exchange gifts, that it is a pretty poor show if he hasn't remember to get you something.

There are more important things, but you are quite allowed to feel a bit sad.

Weirdly, wedding anniversary I don't mind not marking much - birthdays on the other hand I feel very strongly about and DH knows this. Woe betide

Joysmum · 02/10/2015 23:51

I've forgotten my own birthday before now because I struggle with what day it is, let alone what date

Original poster

helloelo · 02/10/2015 23:54

Interestingly it's cotton where I live, paper is much later in life (according to local Wikipedia anyway)
Interestingly too, I've discovered I'm a vile entitled woman tonight. Thank you nice ladies of MN.
George, pack your jammies, we're leaving.

OP posts:

Justanotherday1 · 02/10/2015 23:57

Maybe you will get a surprise tomorrow? My DH has pretended to forget an anniversary only to surprise me with gifts the next day. It felt shit when I thought he had forgotten but amazing the next day. It won't work I second time thou

emotionsecho · 02/10/2015 23:58

Dh always remembers our wedding anniversary, I nearly always forget, we've been married more years than I care to divulge.

Original poster

helloelo · 03/10/2015 00:06

No, I won't get a surprise tomorrow that's for sure. I'll get a babysitter, a tequila shot and a great snog :)

OP posts:

swimmerforlife · 03/10/2015 00:22

I would be upset too OP as it is your first and your first is supposed to be special for some.

BackInTheRealWorld · 03/10/2015 00:42

I forget everything but my children's birthdays. Doesn't mean I don't love or care about anyone else. And I spend the the weeks before the date all stressed and panicky 'I must not forget I MUST NOT FORGET' but then I always do. Or I remember but forget to post said card or gift. Hell I have years worth of thank you cards I have made my children write but never got round to posting. It's a ahit feeling and people feel let down and pissed off with me. But I will have gone through more thought and turmoil than than the perfect people who get it right. It doesn't mean they care more than me.
I hate all this.

Topseyt · 03/10/2015 01:22

We have been married for 22 years and hardly ever remember our anniversary at all. We were away on holiday in Corfu for the first one, so it just didn't seem to matter so much.

My parents were even worse. The only reason they ever remembered their wedding anniversary at all was that my grandma always sent a card to them. When the card arrived they would say "Oh, must be our anniversary then". That would be it.

The only anniversaries I ever remember them celebrating were their silver and golden ones. So far, DH and I are shaping up to be similar.

Daffodil1210 · 03/10/2015 01:42

I would be a bit miffed and upset if my DH had forgotten our first anniversary OP, as I see it as one that you're meant to remember and celebrate (a bit like "Yay! Go us! We've been married a whole year!" rather than it being a competition etc etc) but can understand that a lot of people don't see anniversaries in this way or are terrible at remembering these things (I'm looking at you DB...)

Also, congratulations - I hope you've had a wonderful first year of marriage!

AnnaMarlowe · 03/10/2015 02:22

helloelo where has anyone said that you are vile and entitled?

As far as I can see in general most posters have said that it was fine to be a bit disappointed but to appreciate your husband for being great most of the time and that lots of people just don't put that much focus on anniversaries.

I'm sorry you didn't like my response, I wasn't trying to be nasty, I was trying to give you another perspective because some of your comments concerned me.

You are 'very visibly disappointed' but promised not to 'judge' him. You are 'very sad'. You aren't talking to him about it though, you are on here, talking to us.

I have been happily married a very long time and with my DH much, much longer than that. We have been through some very tough times together and the thing that has kept us together, sometimes the only thing, is the fact that we keep communicating and we don't sweat the small stuff.

We tell each other what we need, what's important to us, how we feel.

Now I can see that you've told your DH that you are upset about this but you've now come on MN to have us validate your feelings, which rather implies you didn't get the response you wanted from your DH.

How do his parents celebrate anniversaries - maybe he's not used to the idea?

How is he at buying presents in general? It's a bit of a talent I think, some people are naturally good at it
Others need lots of help and reminders.

Marriage is a journey, it's a long haul. You are only a year in. Don't make your memories of your first year of marriage be about something he didn't do, make it about about the millions of things he did every day.

Got out and have a lovely judgement free evening together. Sit together online and pick a gift for you that you'd like.

I think people put too much emphasis on 'surprises' - not everyone is good at that. Next year tell him what you want and tell him it's important to you.

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