Someone tell me to stop ��

[rockabillyruby82]

This is long, bear with me.
I found out Mon night DH has been having an affair since around June/July. We have a DS and I'm pregnant. I know the OW, she has been round our house and spent time with our child.
I was and am heartbroken, I told him to leave which he did.
We've had little contact since except to arrange him seeing our DS.

Problem is I miss him. Our relationship hasn't been great for a while but I miss him and a part of me wants to try and start again.
I doubt it's an option, he's still involved with OW. I know this because I've done nothing but snoop his accounts I can access. What I'm finding is tearing me apart.

I know I need to stay strong, I know it will get easier over time. I know this but I can't stop the 'ifs' and 'maybes'

I wish I could stop

Why do you want him back? He's cheated and lied and betrayed your trust, do you really think you could ever believe a word he said again? It wouldn't be more than half a life, you deserve better than that

Wrap a big red bow around him, send him off to her and be pleased to have escaped, he's her problem now

Even if you did want this cheating loser back, the best way to do it would be to tell him to sod off. If he thinks you want him back, you will become valueless to him.

I think if you have a break from him for a while you'll realise that actually he's not worth having back anyway.

Don't chat to him, don't spy on him. If he comes to pick up your son, meet him at the door with your son in his coat. Personally I would say I didn't want the OW having contact with your son yet, not until he's got used to his dad moving out, but I don't think you can enforce that.

Think about it - he had an affair when you were pregnant. What kind of man does that make him?

I keep telling myself that. Like I said, we were having problems. I finally confided in some friends the other evening and they were appalled at some of his behaviors. I know their relationship won't last, he'll soon slip into the bad habits, she'll get fed up.
My head and hormones are an absolute mess right now

You miss the man you thought he was, not the pathetic piece of lying shit that he actually is.

I couldn't forgive either of them for her coming round to your house to see your child when you are pregnant. She could easily have given an excuse. It's really appalling behaviour.

He hasn't seen DS since Mon. I've told him there are ground ruled to seeing him. I haven't stated them but one is no contact between DS and OW. AIBU? I don't want my DS around that kind of person. He will be emotionally scarred but I don't want it made worse. And besides, if the shoe were on the other foot....

She has a nerve. DS birthday, she made him a book!! I tore it up in DH face and slung it at him!

If he came back, and you started again, clean slate, how long could be keep up the act? 6 months, a year, two? Then you'd be back where you are now, but older, more hurt and battered down by his behaviour.

If you keep going now where will you be in a year or two? You'll be a year or two free of his cheating arse, maybe in a new, better relationship, or maybe just happy on your own with your children.

If you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting what you're getting. Every day is a step forward, don't let him drag you back again

Hormones. You have a child with him and another on the way, so your body is telling you 'Hang on to this man, he will help protect your children'. Unfortunately, whilst the instinct might be correct, it affects you, not him.

Stay strong.

Be sure your ground rules are for the good of your child, not for your pride. No contact with OW - well, perhaps for a few weeks or very few months until their relationship is stable, so your DS doesn't have to meet one woman after another.

That's it Tigger, I love the man I married, the man who supported me through bad timed, brought me flowers. He's not that man anymore, I have to keep telling myself this.
Short of erasing my memory I don't know how to do that

OW should not be anywhere near your DS for a very long time, even more so considering you're due another baby soon.

He's a cunt. Get to a solicitor, if you can afford one. If not, read him the riot act yourself and lay down some ground rules that are non negotiable.

How fucking dare she think its okay to make something for your child and how fucking dare your ex bring it! Wtf?! The mind boggles.

Can't afford a solicitor. We have a mortgage but he knows I'm not giving up the house, I'll take him to court if I have to.
Those are exactly my feelings about OW, how fucking dare she? Disgusting person who doesn't deserve time around my gorgeous boy!

DS will have enough to contend with, emotionally, over the next few months without OW being around too. I watched a friend and her DD go through similar a few years ago, it wasn't pleasant The brass neck of these types of men and women are just un-fucking-believable.

Please don't focus your anger on the wrong person here - yes it takes two to tango, but your husband is the one who made vows to you, 'forsaking all others', not her. He's the one who betrayed you and split up your family, if it wasn't her it could have been someone else, but it would still have been him

What support are you getting from other people in your life right now ..lean on them as much as you can .

Its completely normal and justified to be angry with the OW - even more so considering the OP is pregnant. The OW always seems to get a free pass on here, because its DH that cheated. Yes that's true, but what sort of woman fucks a married man at all, let alone one with a child and a pregnant wife?!

As far as I'm concerned it's as much her doing, she chose to sleep with my husband, I doubt he bound and gagged her!!
I have close friends helping me and my parents. He's family are very close, they've been ringing me but I've requested they leave me alone. I felt I couldn't be honest with them

But there's no point wasting energy on her, she's not worth it, the op is talking about wanting her husband back - so the ow is disgusting, but he's worth trying again with?

I don't think so, and focussing on her takes the heat, and the blame off of him - he's the lying, cheating shit, see him for what he is, not what you would like him to be - she's incidental and probably disposable

And equally he chose to sleep with her, I'm sure she didn't force him either. But HE is the problem here

Costa whilst I do 100% agree with you, it is entirely reasonable to be angry with OW. OP having said that, your anger towards OW will fade far quicker than anger towards your DH will (at least in my experiences, it will) Your DH is one of the shittiest shits in the shit pool. He has shown no regard for you, your child or unborn baby - and that is what hurts most, isn't it? That he has so effortlessly tossed you all to the side. Keep hold of that feeling - and remember that your worth is NOT all tied into that twat. Have a snuggle with your DS - he adores his Mummy, and his opinion is the only one on the entire world that matters, not that wank stains. You are all worth so much more.

I think you should be honest with everyone it will all come out in the end anyway .
I'm just thinking the more supported you are right now the less likely you will pine after his support ( or wish for things to be different )

I would hate them both equally ..but really you need to shift your focus and your energies on your self your unborn baby and you DS ...those supporting you can take on the deep dislike of him and his stoopid woman for you, right now so
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His and her behaviour defies belief ...quite repulsive ..

Thank you for all your comments, it's already helping me stifle the vulnerable person inside.
I don't know how long he'd have kept up the pretence for. I confronted him on how much he was texting this woman and asked to look at his phone. He refused, I questioned him and he eventually owned up to what he's been doing.
The thing with his family is they will support him no matter what and that hurts. I don't expect them to disown him but I thought they'd be more angry than what they are.

AIBU in not wanting him to be a part of this pregnancy anymore? At the moment I don't want him at the birth. I'm having a close friend there instead.

You can't know for sure what they are thinking right now or in the future ...only focus on those that will love and support you ..