To not want sex with DP all the time

[IfIseeonemoreepisodeofpeppapig]

Hi, had to name change for this.

I have been with DD's dad for 8 years, and we have a four year old daughter together, who has cerebral palsy.

Ever since I met DP, he has always had a higher sex drive than I. We are having problems, well we've always had, as he constantly wants sex and I don't want it that much. We both live separately, because of my work, so we hardly get to see each other or hang out for that matter.

Every time I see DP, or hang out with him, he always wants sex. We can just be in the house, watching a movie and he will be already groping me...wanting sex and I know if I give in, he would start complaining, so I will have sex with him just to keep him quiet.

Today, DP called me and we started talking about our day and he then said he was at home today, and I asked him if I can pop round and we can watch this DVD together. He then started to get a bit flirty and I then knew this would lead in him wanting to have sex with me. I told him that I was not up for it today and can we just hang out without it always leading to sex. He was complaining a bit, I then told him that I was on my period today ( I know I shouldn't of lied) and then he quickly said that I shouldn't pop over anymore, he then proceeded to call me a liar and I was very upset I told him that I don't feel like we are a couple, every time we hang out, it always has to lead to sex, surely normal relationships aren't like this and I also told him that I am very worried about DD, and that he doesn't regularly visit DD on the days he suppose to visit her.

I also told him that his complaining puts me off wanting to have sex with him, I get very tired from looking after DD (as I am the main carer and he practically doesn't do anything, apart from visit her once in a while) and sometimes I just want to relax, hang out and talk.

I know DP has his needs, but am I being a fool? Is he in the right to complain and moan? I feel as if it's all my fault.

Oh and he said that the reason why he doesn't see DD all the time is because his very busy with work and studying and I told him "well I'm busy with work, but I still have to fit DD around all of that". I also proceeded to tell him "that he has to put DD as his first priority, that's what a responsible parent does..." etc.

He's not your partner as such, is he? He's just a man who pressurises you for sex, with whom you chance to have a child.

Don't waste your breath telling him how to get it right. Cut him out of your life. Set out a schedule for his visiting his DD, and if he doesn't keep to it, carry on without him.

Stop begging for his time and attention.

You need to dump this festering excuse for a human being.

Someone pressuring you into sex is rape.

He couldn't be bothered with his own child.

He is rapist waste of space.

Bin him.

Well I wouldn't be calling him DP, that's for sure. Given his input into your daughter's care it's not in anyway a partnership.

You know he's not right. I don't think there's a lot of evidence of men like this changing. Do you want to continue in the relationship ? What does it bring you except unwanted sex ? Not wanting sex is entirely understandable in these circumstance is entirely understandable.

Thank you for your replies everyone. I'm actually crying this minute.

I've just called DD's dad and told him that I don't want a relationship with anymore, he was very upset and hung up the phone. But I'm tired, I've been dealing with this since we were 17 and I can't take it anymore.

It's so hard as DD being disabled, I don't want to be on my "own", as I face so many challenges, as wonderful as she is, ...and silly as it sounds, I feel like I won't have a new partner as I think no one would want to be with me because I have a disabled child. I think that's the reason why I stayed for so long.

Iamnot.. You are right, he doesn't bring anything..except for advice and unwanted sex.

Sadly, it sounds as though you are pretty much on your own anyway - he doesn't visit his daughter very often, isn't reliable, and only seems to want to see you when sex is on the agenda - even if you don't want it. What do you get from this 'relationship'?

There are a lot of very very good men out there. A not very good one is not worth having. A poor relationship is just another burden. You hold out until you find a relationship which brings something extra to your life, they can take years to come along. Concentrate on living your life for yourself and your daughter. 17 is incredibly young to find the person you will spend the rest of your life with, you are now only 25, there really is no hurry.

You must already be amazingly strong to support your DD alone. Do you have any support from your friends and family?

I am on my own Costa. I don't anything from this relationship whatsoever. sigh

You are doing well.

When you are ready make sure your ex is paying you support. Would you feel comfortable sorting out access so he takes her for a few hours and you get a break?

He's not a partner. He treats you like a booty call. Don't worry, a good man won't care that you have a daughter or that she has health issues. You won't be alone.

Well that's good in a way - there's nothing to lose!

There are lots of men out there who would be happy to be with you and care for your child, that's the kind of man you want to be in a relationship with. I'm glad you are getting rid of him, I'm sure you'll be much happier.

Well done. You have been doing this alone for years anyway by the sounds of things. So you'll be fine.

My contempt for this odious twunt man knows no bounds. He's got a day off today but he doesn't plan to spend any of it with you and his dd and he rarely turns up on the days when he is scheduled to have contact with her. Does he pay child support for dd?

You need to face the fact that he's not your 'dp', nor is he worthy of being accorded that status. You're not living with him and there's no way he can be considered to be a loving and caring partner or father and, once he realises that you don't intend to drop your knickers whenever he wants you to, I very much doubt you'll see much of him.

The responsibility of caring for a dc with disabilities is onerous and it can be especially wearing for single parents. Are you a member of Scope's online community and are you receiving all of the benefits to which you/she is entitled?

Instead of worrying that you may not find a new partner, look to build friendships with other mums in your community - perhaps through mumsnet local and meetup - and widen your social circle so with a view to making friends of all ages who you can call on if you're feeling lonely, and who can call on you if the going gets tough for them.

Good things can happen to us when we least expect them and it's often the case that the best relationships come about without there having been any need to go in search of them.

Please consider doing the Freedom Programme online so that you don't end up with another abusive twunt to whom you're nothing more than a means of getting his rocks off whenever he feels the urge.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Wow...he has had it easy, hasn't he?

You obviously do the bulk of the childcare, he rarely sees his daughter, he pesters you for (and often gets) sex when you don't want it.

You are most certainly better off without him.

Thanks everyone for your messages. They are harsh to hear, but are the truth. Thanks so much for taking your time to read my posts and comments. goddess we were living together before, but I found a great job but the commute was too far, so I decided I wanted to move near to the job, whilst DS stays where we were, as he has a job too. We were also planning to move in together again and start looking for flats/apartments in a couple of weeks time. But I don't think that's going to happen anymore.

I didn't realise this was considered as abuse! But it does make sense. I thought he will change...I mean he still is quite young....but his the same person when we both were 17.

...I really do hope so goddess that I'll find someone when I least expect it. He does pay for child support, but he didn't for a long while as he was finding it hard to find work as he was an overstayer when he came to England and his only here because DD is here and immigration think they have a great relationship.

Thanks everyone once again.

Well done for ending the relationship. You are stronger than you believe
you are already taking care of your dd on your own, managing your home and work, this waste of space was just dragging you down.

He has the energy to pester you for sex, and yet not the energy to spend time with his dd? What a loser, you deserve so much better than this and one day you will find it.

I would also inform immigration of the situation, just to make sure he is not using you as a reason to stay in the UK, of course.

He sounds repulsive

LadyBla.. I'm quite nervous to inform immigration as I'm aware that if they find out that DP actually is not having a relationship with DD, then they would take his visa away and he would have to embark on a very lengthy appeal. I'll feel bad...stupid as it sounds.

LadyLonely.. Thank you, I don't feel strong as I should of ended things a long time ago, but thank you.

You have done it now. That's what counts.

Thankyou Libraries that is very true.

What a man child he us. You sound amazingly strong however

Thanks very much whoate... He is a man child! But thanks, even though I don't feel strong.

Don't ever do anything just to please another human being, if you don't feel like it then don't do it, you are under no obligation to put anyone's wants above your own, especially a selfish arsehole like him.

You are well rid.

I have just read a thread similar to my situation, and the OP talks about her DP talking about sex 80% of the time. DP does the same thing too...it isn't normal isn't it?