Is he lazy or AIBU?

[whostheJohnsonnow]

Today I have to travel home for a family funeral (three hour train journey) Before that I have a days worth of work and personal stuff to sort out (including a train trip to next county and back)

Just said goodbye to my boyfriend; who is cat sitting for me while I am away. Still in his dressing gown at 1pm. He had gotten up to make me a cup of tea, but then went back to bed and got under the duvet. I went to say goodbye to him, and he just shifted to end of bed to kiss me. I asked him if he was going to get up to say goodbye, and he seemed surprised, but then did so.

I'm afraid to say I lost it at that point, and said it would have been nice if he'd offered to carry my suitcase down the stairs, or even been dressed so he could walk round to station with me. I won't see him again until Sunday!

His response is that he had made me a cup of tea, and that if he'd offered to help I would have turned it down! He honestly makes me feel like I'm being an unreasonable nag for expecting him to get out of bed! Am I? I honestly don't know anymore. I just feel so unsupported by him. I have a whole days running around now, and feeling really tearful.

I wouldn't have a child with this man. Have you read some of the threads on the Relationships board where the women work all day and come home to find nothing's been done at home? That would be your life.

I would ditch this man and look for counselling so that the next man you get involved with is good for you. I'm sure this guy is nice and all that, but as a partner he's just not the right person for you (or anyone.)

Twenty quid? Bargain of the decade! I will definitely be going second hand when the time comes imperial

The living room needs painting first though. In fact the whole flat does! I have no time to do it though with working 2 jobs

He is a nice guy. He is so sweet and everyone adores him. I feel so taken for granted though. He's also started uttering phrases like "you're slowing everything down by shouting at me" and (my personal favourite) "I was going to do something nice for you, but then we started arguing" Both phrases my biggest arsehole ex yet was fond of bandying about back in the day.

It makes me feel like utter crap, and that it's all my fault for yelling in the first place.

You're in a very strong position. You are working, no kids and you're in your own flat.

Weigh up the pros and cons later with this relationship as he doesn't sound like a mean or nasty person. Just someone going through some issues and doesn't really want to help himself, which is stressful for you.

You sound really lovely and kind but don't be a doormat.

Thank you Fugg

It's not my flat though. It comes with my second job, and it's falling to bits. I haven't got two pennies to rub together tbh.

He's not mean or nasty at all. I really want our relationship to work, but the fact that it isn't is making me feel so depressed. I've tried so hard to help him. Everything just seems so stuck.

Sounds like a real heart-to-heart and maybe an ultimatum is needed.

You need to spell out when you expect from him/the relationship. I would say to him he needs to go back on his ADs as lying in bed all day isn't a way of life, he needs to help himself.

Can I just ask why you're so broke? Do you pay rent on the flat? You have two jobs - how many hours per week are you working? I'm on your side, believe me, I just wonder whether there's anything you're entitled to that you're not claiming for.

I don't mind at all Imperial?? The first job is 28 hours a week, and the second 16 hours a week. The second is a voluntary job, but comes with a rent free (but falling apart) flat.

I pay the bills on it. I also have a debt of £80.00 per month that I'm paying back. I'm mainly always strapped because ( outing myself here) I have 2 horses. I keep them as cheaply as I can, but they still eat my earnings (literally) I am childless and they are my surrogate babies I guess. I accept it leaves me broke. It's my own daft choice really

Don't know what the ?? at the start were for. Sorry!

So what has he been doing for five days in your flat? The fact that he didn't get off his backside and slap some paint around tells you all you need to know. He's a lazy, thoughtless, waste of space.

In all fairness I haven't even got the paint yet, so that's not really possible.

A bit more help sorting it all out would be bloody appreciated though!