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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you have a child with him?

47 replies

Tearsoffrustration · 28/09/2015 16:16

Been seeing a guy for 6 months and it's going really well,

He's mid 30's and has no children I have a 5yr old from a previous relationship.

My ex was unsupportive, never got up in the night, went out pretty much as soon as he came home from work etc

So I don't know if that's tainting my perspective.

My BF has already told me that he will not give up his hobby if he has a child and also he has a nap everyday after work (starts & finishes early) has told me he is grumpy if he does not have enough sleep

I just think he might just be too stuck in his ways - I know how much you have to give up when you have a baby

OP posts:

brokenhearted55a · 28/09/2015 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe · 28/09/2015 16:21

Why are you discussing having a baby with someone you've been dating for 6 months?

No, I would not have a baby with anyone I didn't think would be a good hands-on dad.

BathtimeFunkster · 28/09/2015 16:21

Why would you even consider it?

tribpot · 28/09/2015 16:22

Er ... so you've been with the guy for six months? Isn't it a little early for thinking about having a child?

Is he saying he has to have that nap? Or is it just something that he does? Overall I would say his attitude does not suggest he will be a good co-parent. Does he even want to have children at some point?

pocketsaviour · 28/09/2015 16:22

I think he's pretty much told you there "I am not interested in having my lifestyle changed by children".

If you want a long-term partner and more children I think you need to look elsewhere.

category12 · 28/09/2015 16:23

Isn't six months into a relationship really early to be thinking of having a child together anyway?

Don't get in deeper with him if you're hoping he'll magically change. He won't.

Wolfiefan · 28/09/2015 16:24

I wouldn't have a child with someone I had been dating for 6 months. Are you considering this? Has he given any indication he would want to?

brokenhearted55a · 28/09/2015 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Tearsoffrustration · 28/09/2015 16:32

That's right brokenhearted I want more children so it is something we've talked about.

The thing is aren't we all quite selfish before we have kids? Lazy Sunday's in bed etc then you have to change - some people adapt & some remain selfish.

OP posts:

goddessofsmallthings · 28/09/2015 16:34

If you're stupid enough to have a dc with him, it will be you that will be doing the 'giving up' while he continues to comport himself as he did before fatherhood overtook him.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that you or fatherhood will change him as a man who's as inflexible as he is won't bend an inch, let alone break, and, unless you're planning to raise the dc alone and not put his name on the birth certificate, you would be singularly ill-advised to have a child with him without benefit of marriage

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 28/09/2015 16:38

Sorry to be so simplistic, but
If you have to ask, that is an indication it should be a "No".

thehypocritesoaf · 28/09/2015 16:38

When you're in your 30s its surely sensible to ask where your partner stands on having kids.

His stance wouldn't thrill me, op.

Hissy · 28/09/2015 16:39

Ime men who insist on naps are selfish and often manipulative/abusive.

You have a talent for picking lame arses. If you have not addressed this, you will carry on doing so.

It's 6m, he's at best a boyfriend, you know nothing about him and certainly not enough to tie yourself to him forever. What you are finding out is not good. I'd say for you to get out and get on with your life for now. This guy is only going to waste your time or make you and your child miserable

Sorry.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 28/09/2015 16:43

To answer your question, no I would not have a child with this man.

To repeat an often used sentence on here - when someone is telling you who they are, listen.

I'm assuming these are things he has said in response to discussions you've had with him about having more kids?

ouryve · 28/09/2015 16:44

Hell, no.

Psycobabble · 28/09/2015 16:45

No . And without even getting into the fact he is basically telling you he will not change his life to accommodate a baby you have been together 6 months ! 26 weeks !!!!!!

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 28/09/2015 16:45

I have respect for this man, even before conception has taken place he is telling you that a child will not be his top priority.

You can make the choice now if you do want a child to have this type of father.

If it was me I would be running for the hills, because family time is important to me and I couldn't of had DS with a man who wasn't 100% committed to having a child.

SiobhanSharpe · 28/09/2015 16:50

I know how much you have to give up when you have a baby

His attitude regarding what he will, or rather won't, give up makes it quiite clear that it's going to be you who will be doing all the giving up again, OP.

If you're happy with that. fine.

Original poster

Tearsoffrustration · 28/09/2015 16:51

Yes we've been together for 6 months - bit there's no point in taking it any further if ultimately it's not going to lead to anything

OP posts:

Original poster

Tearsoffrustration · 28/09/2015 16:55

siobhan I do think about that & somtimes I think 'well I've done it before & have my wonderful DS'

OP posts:

brokenhearted55a · 28/09/2015 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AsTimeGoesBy · 28/09/2015 16:57

At best he'll carry on with his current lifestyle. At worst he'll start staying out more, napping more, absenting himself from the family group. Yes most people change on becoming parents but that's because most people don't go into parenthood determined not to. Unless you are prepared to have a very traditional "man works outside the home, woman takes care of all domestic stuff" relationship then I'd be very wary indeed.

happyending14 · 28/09/2015 17:02

Oh yes I had one who napped after work (he only worked part-time anyway) and his hobby came before everything.

After children, where absolutely everything was my responsibility, when I complained he said, well you knew what I was like.

Take heed.

What is he like with your dc? You mention lazy Sundays. Are you able to share those?

goddessofsmallthings · 28/09/2015 17:07

Has he asked you to have a child with him, or is this some of kind wishful thinking about 'happy families' on your part?

category12 · 28/09/2015 17:17

You may have done it alone before, but it's far worse having an adult partner slouching about, letting you dogsbody. Recipe for resentment and disrespect between you.

If you just want another child, how about doing that - and not bothering with a long term relationship with this guy?

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