Is there such a thing as a 'too big' age gap between partners?

[InTheBox]

I'm wondering what you reckon of this. A friend of mine without DCs but would like some one day has started seeing someone 31 years older than her. She's 27 so obviously has some time before she has children but many people have been telling her that he's not the one for her purely because of this age difference.

I've so far been her confidant but she's in quite a quandary wondering whether or not the age gap means they should break up. I, of course, will support her in any decision but it did get me thinking if there is such a thing as an age gap that's just too much. Our friends have told her that as he has a (now adult) child and an ex wife that he's not the one for her in terms of the future.

You do have an agenda.
And your insistence that age gap relationships are fine and all dandy is inceassant. You never stop. Other posters may have said it but if they are female it's not an agenda. It is seedy coming from sixty something man.

Age is not the be and end all to you, you claim, and yet your partners are always younger...... if you were open to a partner your own age then your injured protestations would ring less hollow. But YOU said you were looking for a woman 40-55. And yet you reprimand me telling me that age is not the be and end all to you. Ha! You trip yourself up all the time.
You are deluded and you are

A hypocrite

And you are weird and creepy and sexist.

A man less likely to have success with younger women i cannot imagine.

Anybody who doubts this should search this sexist ol' dinosaur's posts. Your "we men cant help ourselves we are very visual" bullshit.

I feel nauseated.

Steady on Fox. I think you have a bigger issue with age differences than whatever i might.

Like.

"ps, and I'm messaging men about 2-6 years older than me.

Men's entitlement to a much younger woman is disgraceful".

Your words not mine, it seems it is a very sore point with you.

Men do not have any entitlement to a younger woman, they do not have any entitlement to an older one or any woman come to that the same applies to women.

However you have your opinion and I have mine other posters have theirs its called free speech.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"

No, I won't steady on, I would prefer to pick holes in your sexism.

I see you for the flawed ageist hypocrite you are and you don't like it. YOu want mumsnet to buy your hapless nice man act when you're anything but.

I have noticed and remembered the inconsistencies in what you say. The sexism. The mansplaining. The delusion. The entitlement. You say one thing then deny it twenty seconds later. All your posts are smoke and mirrors anyway.

Me, I've been out with a man ten years older than I am (briefly) and you have married a woman twenty years younger than you are so you do not get to say that I have an 'issue' about age gap relationships. YOU are the one with the issue. You and many other men but yes YOU. You have an issue.

When you have dated a woman ten years older than you are then you can say you are as open minded about age gaps as I am. Get that? Hmm, I suspect I will always win that one. And don't give me some ludicrous fairy story about once having glanced at an older woman on a train platform. Lucky her eh

and finally, this pissy little comment of yours is what hangs you. Because you say I have "a sore point?" about..... men's entitlement. Right, so you're admitting that men are entitled? If they're not, then why would women be ''sore''? Men's entitlement directly effects large swathes of the population so to label it my sore point misses THE point. You trip yourself up here as you always do.

Obviously it would suit all older men if women just ACCEPTED without question that the only men available to date were going to be older. Excuse me for challenging that. It is not a sore point to challenge entitlement, sexism, hypocrisy and delusion.

But I sincerely hope that you meet some younger woman who likes a nerdy creepy sexist cardigan-wearing mansplainer in his sixties. Because then you would be on here less. You crop up everywhere and it's ruining mumsnet for me.

Fox. How do you know that I won't date someone 15 years older?. I'm really not as bothered with this as what you are.

No I did not see a woman on a train platform it was on the footbridge over the Thames to the Royal Festival Hall and yep, she did look very impressive.

If you read what I stated that was men do not have any entitlement to a younger woman neither do they have entitlement to an older one in fact they aren't entitled to anyone same applies for women.

Women can date whoever they like. They can date an older, younger, or same age woman. I do not have a problem with that.

Conversely

Men can date whoever they like. They can date older, younger, or same age women.

Sorry Fox to disappoint you, but I don't have a Cardigan just don't like them.

Tell you what. If its ruining Mumsnet for you why don't you complain to the board moderator and see what they say on the matter.

"Women can date whoever they like. They can date an older, younger, or same age woman. I do not have a problem with that."

Whoops!, correction, that should have read Men. Mind you it can be Women they can date who they like, women as well. Men can date men too.

I've no objection at all to same sex dating or marriage.

Anybody can post 18 lines of ruminations about what they might do, or pointing out that I can't prove that you wouldn't do. But I suspect you haven't dated a woman as much older than you as I have dated a man older than me. And yet, because you're a man with a sense of entitlement to a much younger woman, you have the nerve to tell me that I have an issue.

You don't understand that it is you that has the issue. You dare to reprimand me! You are not over burdened with intelligence.

Also, of course, there's the fact that about a week ago you said, remember?, that if you decided to date again you would look to date "a woman 40 -55" What's changed in the last ten days? Your sexism and your entitlement leaks out and then you're caught out (not only by me, there have been others too) and then you go back and contradict your earlier posts. God it's tedious.

What you say about women being able to date older or younger men or "whoever they like" is obviously rendered meaningless if men have an entitlement to date much younger women, because, where are the men? Do you understand that? Is it hard?

You may not actually be wearing a cardigan but you are a cardigan-wearer. I don't need to report you to mumsnet. I can spot the inconsistencies and the sexism and the hypocrisy all on my own thanks. So if you don't want me to challenge your posts, stop posting shite.

There'll be plenty of people on mumsnet who don't want to let you push your agenda uphill, even with that nauseating cardigan-wearing smiley face at the end of all of your 'older man younger woman happy ever after stories' been a few of those haven't there..............................

18 lines eh?. I really CBA to count lines;!.

Once again, two lines, I have NO entitlement to any woman or man of ANY age. Clear?.

And I quote.

"Be fair, i said in a follow up "Perhaps revise that to late forties to fifties somewhere might be more in line, its no real issue"!

Do you have a problem with anyone male female hermaphrodite can DATE anyone they like?. They are free to date anyone there is a difference between entitlement and free choice. Do you need a qualifier on that to state that they can date but if the other person refused to date them that's their prerogative not to date them?.

hey, Xmas is coming up if you think I'm a cardie wearer perhaps you can send me one ?. You choice of stylee and script on the front!.

Posting shite?. One man's meat etc.One woman's meat too.

Well that younger woman and older man must fascinate you because you bring it up far more than I do!.

Hermaphrodite ?

What the f&$@
You are so weird.

Yep, someone can go out with their self. I think that covers all genders?.

Mind you that word is debatable.

www.isna.org/faq/hermaphrodite

Over and over you bleat (meaninglessly given the evidence to the contrary that leaks out in all of your posts) "I have NO entitlement to any woman or man of ANY age. Clear?"

And yet, in the next breath you say you have revised the age group you would hope to date upwards from 40-55 to late forties to fifties. That's big of you. You are in your mid 60s. The reason you give for this age group that you'd look at is "because that is more in line". Right. Gotcha. More in line with what? Ah, I know, more in line with a man's entitlement to date younger women.

If your first statement were true, which it isn't, but you won't acknowledge that, then you wouldn't be ruling out women your own age and older.

YOu want to be ageist and entitled but you won't accept those labels.

You attempt an insouciant sign off ''it's no real issue''. Except, that you won't be dating women your own age or older. So the issue remains. And it's your issue not mine.

This argument is pointless because you don't even seem to recognise when you have shot yourself in the foot.

on the bright side, someone a bit grim insisting on a much younger woman will probably have no chance, and by ignoring women his own age he is also sparing them of his grimness. Glass half full.

True. Nobody of any age should have that much misfortune.

Err Fox. Don't take posts out of context please, that reference women aged from 40-55 to late forties to fifties was applicable in it's original context. It was given as an example age range that was all. The part that it was no real issue was in context with that posting.

ToGoBoldly Nope, I'm not insisting on anyone.

bouquetdiva I have as much right to be here as you or anyone.

Anyway nite all. I've got a very early start tomorrow.

Stop being abusive to Justaboy. I've reported this attack on him.

Good for you.

Do you notice the way he's obfuscating madly, bringing in stray points about gender, mansplaining with links what a hermaphrodite is?

It's not an attack on him. He could just say ''fair cop, you got me, I am sexist and entitled'' but he won't acknowledge it. He ought to be challenged. Report away but mumsnet is quite feminist so it's a sad day for mumsnet if I'm reprimanded for pointing out that he is entitled but fails to see that.

I never said you had no right to be here. I wish you weren't here obviously. I don't post on mumsnet to read the posts of sexist entitled men who fail to acknowledge their sexism and their entitlement. What I said stop posting shite and I will stop picking holes in it.

"Err Fox, that reference women aged from 40-55 to late forties to fifties was applicable in it's original context. It was given as an example age range that was all. The part that it was no real issue was in context with that posting." the context was the women you'd date THAT was the context.
You just go round and round and round, anything rather than look inwards and rein it in a bit. You won't stop. You'll be back tomorrow with more cheery little stories about may to december romance. more obfuscation. More back tracking. More inconsistencies. ANYTHING other than just accept the labels.

BoldFox FWIW, I think you're generally right in this: that a lot (most) men of a certain age think that they have a right to younger women.

I put it down to a general inability to deal with grown up adult women of their own age, and a sexist approach to life by which they regard "their" woman as somehow conferring some sort of status on them. They don't see women as individuals & fully human, but as somehow a reflection of their own self-image.

It's been said so many times here, and elsewhere, and any dating site will show this: most men looking for partners, hookups, shags, or whatever will generally set their age parameters from 5 to 20 years younger than themselves.

DH is almost twenty years my senior. We've been together ten years.

We have a grand relationship and I've never felt he's at a different 'life stage' to me. And the idea that we couldn't have anything in common is ridiculous.

We have discussed what will happen when he is older - he is nearing fifty now, but doesn't seem any older to me. Plenty of partners need care in later life and I don't know why you'd base your relationship choice on that - if he gets to 80 and needs care, we will still have had potentially (touch wood) forty years of a good, loving relationship. It's more than a lot of people get.

I do worry that we'd be unlikely to get much of a retirement together; the current plan is for me to go part time when he retires and we have adapted our lifestyle (smaller mortgage free house, savings, good pensions) in order to facilitate that.

However, I didn't want children and this would be where I'd worry about a thirty year age gap. Even if your friend is only eighteen, he must be nearing fifty - I would worry that that is too old to be raise a child without it being phsyically exhausting and your friend would need to do the bulk of the parenting with possibly little support.

True - he'll likely 'go down hill' at some point and I'll be caring for him and then he'll die (cheerful).

Simply though - he'd still do that if I was the same age as him and besides that I think it's worth it to me (personally). I love him. I'll care for him.

It scares me far more to think of ending the relationship with him than caring for him. I just can't imagine not being with him. It'll be difficult I know but ... I love the person. Not his age or what he can do.

Of course I'm optimistic and hope he'll have another 30 years of sprightliness but I'm prepared for the worst and think it's worth it