NC with sister, mum turning on me

[slithytove]

I would really appreciate some advice.

I had a situation with my sister which lead me to taking a step back from any contact with her until she had sorted herself out. Have a thread on it will try and link.

Anyway I made it clear that when her faulty thinking changed, I would be ready and waiting to talk to her, but until then, I didn't want to hear from her.

Since then, she has been quite verbally abusive (over messages and voicemails) several times, and it's been very upsetting.

Throughout all of this, my mum has been upset with me for not seeing or speaking to my sister, and for not allowing her to see my kids.

Today my sister did it again, and my mum told me how much it was upsetting HER that her kids weren't getting along, and that family should be in touch no matter what, and I should make it up with my sister.

I'm really upset by this. I've explained to my mum that my sisters abuse really triggers my anxiety and thoughts of self harm, but she doesn't care.

I've been in counselling for a few months now and really want to be allowed to protect myself by taking a step back if I need to. I don't understand why my mum firstly doesn't understand what damage my sister is doing, but also why she is so against me? Any insights or advice would be good.

I don't think he is. From what I can see of their relationship, they are both as bad as each other.

Luckily, dad doesn't really direct it towards me.

For a long time I have conducted many conversations over iPad messaging so I have proof of what is said, with all of them.

Let me guess, she still doesn't accept it? My friend's dad is the same. He is a silent treatment abuser and her mum's a martyr. The atmosphere was pretty toxic at times but because it was good at others she was confused. She laid boundaries, big time.

She once copy/pasted emails back to her dad but he just went into a slk rather then see the truth. Delusions run deep...again though he's playing the role he was given, his mother is the same.

Stay strong Slithy.

does your dad direct it at your sister?

I wouldn't know honey, we don't really interact as a family.

I have seen him react to her behaviour. I've not seen him start it. He is a very angry, unhappy man though when he is at home (where they live, not where I live) so according to my mum I don't see the worst of it.

Think we are all as bad as each other if I'm honest or at least, I was. Not any more though.

just wondered if there was a kind of mirrored thing going on here - with each of you feeling the other was favoured by a parent (re: whether her sense of being the scapegoat/you being favoured might be coming from her feelings about her father's behaviour) whereas you're focussing on your mother's differing treatment of the two of you. just a thought.

My sister feels I make her the scapegoat for all the problems in my life.

E.g. Things are shit at work so I get mad at her cos it's easier. When the truth is, she really doesn't factor into my life that much.

She hasn't mentioned being a scapegoat in the wider context of our family of origin. She may well feel our parents favour me, though in reality it's more like they favour my children (the only gc). My parents have always given my siblings more financial help, and from my perspective, more tolerance.