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Original poster

Expecting to meet my son's girlfriend for the first time

32 replies

jezestbelle · 27/09/2015 10:40

Assuming they make it through October my ds and his gf (veryvery first) will havebeen together for 2 months. I am going to visit in late October, & kind of would expect (hope that doesn't sound too presumptuous) to meet her as well. I haven't been told I won't but given I only found out via DD of her existence and all I know is her name,that she is Irish and well that is it, I don't actually know. He has made a lot of personal progress in the lastfew months and used to be cripplingly shy so I would like to get the full picture of the young man I have raised. Don't know whether to force the issue by asking if a joint meeting is on the cards?

OP posts:
PetrovaFossil1 · 27/09/2015 10:47

I personally wouldn't push the issue, especially if he's so shy.

Not to mention 2 months is really nothing in relationship terms and if I were the girl in question I'd feel a bit awkward to be asked to meet the parents after such a short period, and maybe pressured that things were moving too fast.

Mulligrubs · 27/09/2015 10:51

I think meeting the parents at 2 months into a relationship is very soon. I live away from my family so they met him at 6 months in and he lived with his parents then and I met them at probably 4-5 months in.

So I'd say you could broach the issue of meeting her in a tentative way. I would phrase it as "DS, I can't wait to visit you. Your sister has mentioned you have a GF, I know it's early days but maybe we could all go for a drink/dinner?" That way, the ball is in his and GFs court.

VegasIsBest · 27/09/2015 10:53

Why force the issue? Just be pleased for your son and wait and see what happens. They've only been together for a month at the moment so it's very early days.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/09/2015 10:58

If he didn't tell you about his girlfriend, I would assume that he doesn't really want you to know about her yet and therefore he isn't going to be keen to arrange for you two to meet. If it is his first relationship, he is probably still trying to find his feet so I wouldn't mention the girlfriend to him - if he wants you to meet, he will let you know.

ImperialBlether · 27/09/2015 11:08

I'd just treat her as a friend rather than a girlfriend. When I visit my son I ask him if he wants any friends to come out for a meal. Sometimes girls come, sometimes boys come - very few will turn down a free meal! No questioning about "what does this person mean to you?" and just chat about everyday things.

PinkGinny · 27/09/2015 11:08

Not a chance would I have offered as a teenager nor would I ask now as the mother of one. Hopefully this will be the first of many girlfriends he has at University.

TokenGinger · 27/09/2015 11:09

Maybe it's not a girlfriend and just a FWB which is why he hasn't told you. Don't push it.

Lightbulbon · 27/09/2015 11:11

You seem to be a bit over invested in your dss love life tbh

NerrSnerr · 27/09/2015 11:11

God no, At university I wouldn't have introduced any boyfriends to my mum after 2 months. Just don't mention her, it's up to him to decide.

brokenhearted55a · 27/09/2015 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 27/09/2015 11:17

So they haven't even been together for one month yet?

No. Say nothing. It's none of your business, really. My parents never asked to meet any of my bfs. Some they did, some they didn't. Just wait for him to say something.

ovenchips · 27/09/2015 11:25

Hard though it is, you need to say absolutely nothing and leave it up to your son as to if and when he tells you about girlfriend.

It's different now, he's an adult and starting to make a life on his own. Hard though that is for you, as you are still his mother!

Resist that temptation to dig for information and have a great visit in October.

Original poster
jezestbelle · 27/09/2015 11:41

Well that's me told. I don't think it is overinvested to take an interest btw. Am equally protective of my DDs happiness it is just she is more advanced than him as well as being 2 yrs older and so somehow I worry less. Will see what he says I suppose.

OP posts:
MabelSideswipe · 27/09/2015 11:46

My sister has been with her partner for 10 years. They don't live together but do live close to each other. His parents live close too but she has never met them. They know about her and his Mum has even looked after her cat while they were on holiday. They exchange xmas gifts but they have ever met. Now that is odd! So I would say its very day days yet OP!

BloodyBloods · 27/09/2015 11:47

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NerrSnerr · 27/09/2015 11:52

I'd be wary if my boyfriend's mum was desperate to meet that early. You need to accept that there'll be girlfriends you won't meet or possibly even hear about. The more you push it the less he'll tell.

AgathaF · 27/09/2015 11:54

If the your DS and his girlfriend stay together then you will have plenty of chance to meet her in the future. Don't push it now just to satisfy your own curiousity. Give them chance to get to know each other a bit better before you get in on the act too.

Fairenuff · 27/09/2015 12:34

Why do you particularly want to meet her OP? Do you have any concerns about who he might be seeing?

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2015 12:40

Christ on a bike, he's been snogging a girl for a couple of wks and you're wondering whether to set up a meeting?! Back off!

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2015 12:41

Why did your DD tell you anyway, is she just as nosy as you?

pootlebug · 27/09/2015 13:14

"I would like to get the full picture of the young man I have raised".

Eh? What if you don't like his girlfriend? Will that tell you that you haven't done the right sort of job raising him? His choice of girlfriend is just that - his choice. Pushing to meet her this early is really off - he's not even told you about her yet! Chances are if you force this you'll end up pushing her (and him) away.

scatterthenuns · 27/09/2015 13:26

BACK OFF!

2 months is WAYYYYY too soon.

brokenhearted55a · 27/09/2015 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/09/2015 13:33

I broke up with someone at uni because of the pressure his crazy mother was putting on me to meet!

No good can come of it.

ninniepie · 27/09/2015 13:43

Oh give the OP a break! She didn't say she was 'desperate' to meet the gf, or that she would pressure him into meeting her, her question was just whether she could suggest a joint meeting. I don't see what's so 'over invested' about that.

Fwiw when I first met my now dh's parents; they weren't particularly keen on meeting me. I know I would have preferred them to have suggested a meeting with me rather than me turn up like an unwanted guest at dinner with their son.

OP, I would suggest it very casually as one pp put it but make it clear it's not mandatory. Then the ball is in your ds' court.