Have re-registered to talk about my family. This will be long, sorry.

[sadsister4]

Perhaps I should be on the stately homes thread, but I don't know whether my story is worthy of it.

I guess I just need some perspective. Maybe writing it all down will help.

My family make me very sad. I'll try to put down why as briefly as possible. I just want to know if it's me or them. Part of me wants to be NC, but on the other hand I don't know if it's the right thing to do.

I'm the youngest by ten years.
My mum went out to work in the evenings when I was 3 months old, leaving me in the care of my siblings.
My eldest sister (by 15 years) was like my mum. She got married when I was five and moved away. I think this traumatised me.
My second sister took over the babysitting and resented it. I was bullied by her and was terrified of her. Never physical - just ranted and raved and made my life miserable.
My brother (14 years older) physically bullied me, in a 'play fighting' way, e.g. tickled me until I cried, etc.
My parents were fairly neglectful. I was riddled with threadworm for years, they went out every Saturday night leaving me home alone, etc.

So, all my life I've tried to please my family. Babysitting without taking payment, when a penniless student using my grant to buy gifts for siblings, nieces and nephews, etc, even though I never received a phone call from them while at uni. I think I was pretty much out of sight, out of mind.

My brother and sister in law have said some pretty foul things to me over the years, my eldest sister has constantly made fun of me (thinks I'm slapdash in the home, etc). I have been very close to the younger of my two sisters, but currently she is very distant and hasn't actually rung me since July. I used to ring her all the time, but it started to feel one sided, so I eased off. Result is that I barely hear from any of them.

Nobody rings me, ever. If I don't phone them, I don't speak to them.

I get the occasional text from my sisters.

I think what has brought this to a head is the text I got off my sister the other day saying that she, my sister and my SIL had been discussing Christmas and decided that siblings wouldn't buy for each other any more, just buy for the little ones (great nieces and nephews) and any nieces and nephews that don't have children yet.

I don't know why but this has made me very sad.

Sorry for the ramble.

Ime it all happened gradually. Initially birthday cards (not presents) but cards/presents for the nieces and nephews. Then just texts to siblings, cards to neices/nephews; then texts to neices and nephews; now nothing to anybody. Not planned, that's how it went, looking back.

As for events: I last went to a family wedding about 3 years ago. I refused the hen as well as the reception. The b&g wanted me at the wedding and I reasoned the bride didn't ask for revolting parents. At the end of the wedding - I sat near the back of the congregation looking goooood I have to say - they all trundled off for photos on the other side of the church and I slipped away. The PURE JOY of walking away I can't describe!

I don't go to family events - I no longer hear about them (not on Fb and wouldn't be interested anyway) - what a joy: to go would be to voluntarily walk into a room of poisonous snakes. No thanks!

Like you I am tethered to my aged parents. We're in the prince Charles camp. I think of moving abroad so it's not a direct cutting off. Ime my parents hanker after reconciliation, so watch out for that, is a constant theme. Moving abroad/away would solve a lot of problems, perhaps.

Don't make the mistake, as i did, of after a few years going back, thinking they've mellowed. They were worse, more rabid and toxic than ever! Maybe partly bcs I had been out of the loop for so long I saw it neat? And maybe bcs they had all that pent-up projection they were desperate to offload. Who know, who cares. They can fuck off to the far side etc. I really couldn't care, one way or the other. Out of sight etc.