Help! Again,again!

[RitaOra2]

I have been living in an unhappy relationship for a while now, and was going to give it a year, but I am finding this increasingly difficult. I have just tried to speak to my H, he said he had no time to talk, but I told him anyway, that I was unhappy and did not want to be with him. He said that he thought we were trying to work things out and get back together via the counselling. However, we only had one appointment and have been on a waiting list ever since. In the one apt we attended, he basically slagged me off for an hour in quite an arrogant fashion, however the counsellor seemed quite keen on him, so maybe I just see it through thwarted eyes. He seems to be in to rubbishing me in front of the kids more than anything else at the moment. I was just taking my daughter to bed and she refused to clean her teeth, kept running away, hiding, shouting at me so I was very stern with her and said that if she did not clean her teeth by the time I had counted to 3 then I would cancel her weekend trip out. I repeated this a few times. So she runs to him and he says "Don't worry, let me take you to bed you poor thing", then says to me in front of her "Look at you, threatening a little girl like that".

So when I talk to him and say I am not happy and I don't want to sort thing out and be with him again, he is full of how awful I am to him and the poor children. I don't understand, if I am so awful and so slovenly, fat, stinky, ugly, a liar, a pig and a bully to him and the kids as well and an abuser in every sense, then WHY DOES HE WANT TO STAY WITH ME??

Try to call WA if you can - and really don't worry if you can't talk without crying. I'm sure they'll have had that happen before and I reckon you could do with having a supportive voice again in real life.

Maybe you could write a few words down on a piece of paper just to act as a little prop for the first conversation? Or have this thread open on something nearby when you phone? Something like that.

I think you'll be fine when you get started so it's just to give you a bit more confidence right at the beginning.

I hate to read and run, but am late for an appt.

DO NOT GET YOURSELF INVOLVED WITH THIS "SOMEONE ELSE"!

Gotta run. I'll post more in a bit

I keep telling him that I think we should split but he does nothing about it

He won't, because he's made it clear that he's happy with things the way they are. It will be up to you to 'do something', that's why you need legal advice asap. Honestly, I wouldn't keep going over and over it with him. You've said you are done and want to separate. What more is there to say? If he won't take action, then you must.

There is not a particularly pleasant atmosphere though and we are not working as a team at all.

You are no longer a 'team'. You actually haven't been one for ages, if ever. You need to realize that he will never cooperate with you, he's already shown that. You need to think of yourself as a 'team of one'. Don't expect anything from him in any way. It will make things much easier.

He is still quick to snipe at me and I am not helping things by standing up to him.

This is your decision since I'm not living in your house (if I was I'd kick his arse to the county line for you ). You need to decide if you will be better off in the long run by standing up to him because you believe that eventually it will make him stop or if you're better off not antagonizing him (i.e. just walking away when he starts in) at this point because it won't do any good. Either way, it's based on the fact that at some point you will no longer be living in the same house. So, until you or he leaves would you rather put up with it or fight it?

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD JUST PUT THIS HOUSE ON THE MARKET?

I'm not in the UK, but I wouldn't think you could put a jointly owned house on the market without both owners agreeing to it. You can't here (US).

I have developed strong feelings for someone else

Can you spell R.E.B.O.U.N.D.?? Don't do this to yourself. It will be an unmitigated disaster! You are risking being hurt even more and at the very worst, a charge of adultery against you along with a divorce. You don't want to go down that road! Do NOT meet this man. Tell him that you are not 'free' now and cut contact. You are absolutely 100% NOT ready for any more complications.